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These are tough economic times in America and elsewhere. If you’re like me, you’re saving money any way you can. I’ve cancelled my 2)cable, invested in a good pair of 3)binoculars and started watching my neighbor’s TV. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
In this harsh economic climate, it’s important to have a job, any job. But finding a job isn’t easy, especially since so many companies are giving their employees—even the male ones—4)pink slips. Competition for jobs is so intense that chess 5)champ 6)Vishwanathan Anand has been flooded with applications, all because someone wrote that he has “good openings.”
With all the competition, it’s vital for job seekers to give themselves an edge. That’s why I’ve decided to offer a few tips to help people stand out from the crowd. Some of these tips may seem obvious, but, trust me, they’re often overlooked.
Tip #1: Learn to speak English. When the economy was strong, some folks were able to find decent jobs in America by knowing just three words of English: “Me want job.” Others, realizing the importance of grammar, tried a little harder: “Me wants job.” These days, three words of English aren’t enough to secure a job in any part of America outside 7)Miami. Job seekers must learn at least six words, particularly these six: “Would you like 8)fries with that?” They may seem like easy words, but some immigrants really struggle with them. A few have been fired from fast-food restaurants for repeatedly asking customers, “Would you like flies with that?” The restaurants, as you can imagine, received many customer complaints, such as the one from a 9)West Virginia man who threw his meal at the manager, shouting: “I thought I was getting flies with my 10)burger, not fries.”
Tip #2: Go easy on the tattoos and 11)body piercing. Two or three are OK, but when your entire body is green, the only people you’re likely to impress are environmentalists. Well, perhaps a few others too, but they probably won’t offer you a job, unless one of them is a farmer and, with planting season coming around, needs another 12)scarecrow. (Yes, I know: some tattoos are works of art. In fact, Leonardo Da Vinci first tattooed the Mona Lisa on a friend’s backside. Unfortunately 13)nipple rings weren’t common in those days, so he couldn’t hang his friend in a gallery.)
Tip #3: 14)Put your best foot forward at the job interview. This can be hard, especially if your feet look the same. Your friends can probably help you figure out which foot is better, but if you’re still unsure, consult a 15)podiatrist.
Tip #4: Dress for success. Too many people, unfortunately, dress for failure. Don’t expect 16)Chase Bank to hire you if you’re wearing a T-shirt that says “Go 17)bonkers!” The least you can do is change the second “o” to an “a”.
Tip #5: 18)Groom yourself well. If you’re a man, it’s probably a good idea to trim your nails, mustache and any 19)unruly 20)locks of nose hair. If you’re a woman, resist the temptation to dye your hair orange—unless you’re applying for a job as a 21)traffic cone.
Tip #6: Try to smell good. The most important thing you can do to smell good is take a bath, even if you’ve already taken one this year. You can practice water conservation AFTER the interview. A little perfume or 22)cologne would also help, but don’t empty the bottle, unless you want to spend your day reviving the interviewer.
Tip #7: Do some research. Employers are impressed when you know something about them. You might want to find out, for example, what they do. Don’t ask the manager of 23)Cracker Barrel how heavy the barrels are. And don’t ask the recruiter at 24)Samsung what exactly it was that Sam sung.
Tip #8: Don’t do drugs. Most employers test for drugs and if you fail the test, you won’t get a second chance, unless you’re in the 25)National Football League. If you like to get 26)high several times a week, apply for a job as a flight attendant. It’s safer and it won’t 27)deplete your bank account. Just be careful how you greet the passengers: “Good morning! Hope you have a good fright!”
现在美国经济正处于艰难时期，其他地方也一样。如果你像我，也处于这种境况，你肯定会绞尽脑汁去省钱。我取消了有线电视服务，花钱买了一副不错的望远镜，开始看我邻居家的电视。非常时期就得采取非常措施。
在这么艰难的经济环境下，有一份工作是非常重要的，无论是什么工作。但找一份工作不容易，特别是有那么多公司都给他们的雇员发出“粉红纸片（解雇通知书）”——即使是男雇员也会收到。求职竞争的激烈程度可以参照国际象棋大师维斯瓦纳坦·阿南德的情况，他最近快被无数的应聘信给淹没了，这一切皆源于有人写他有“好的空缺职位（开局）”。（编者注：“opening”既指象棋的“开局”，也有“空缺职位”之意。）
竞争对手如云，求职者给自己增加一些优势是很重要的。所以我决定提供一些提示，帮助大家脱颖而出。某些提示可能看起来显而易见，但是，相信我，它们经常都被忽视了。
提示一：学讲英语。经济繁荣的时候，一些人仅仅凭着这三个英语单词：“Me want job（我要工作）”就可以在美国找到体面的工作。而其他那些意识到语法重要性的人，则会稍稍努力一下，说出：“Me wants job（我想要工作）”。但这些年头里，在美国的任何一个地方，迈阿密除外，这三个英语单词已经不足以用来保住工作了。求职者一定要学会至少六个英语单词，特别是这六个：“Would you like fries with that？（你喜欢配炸薯条吗？）”这些词看起来可能很简单，但有些移民真的拿这几个单词没辙。有些在快餐店工作的人就因为反复询问顾客“你喜欢配‘苍蝇’吗”而被解雇了。你可以想象一下，那些餐馆收到了多少顾客的投诉，甚至于有个来自西维吉尼亚州的男人将他的餐食直接扔向经理，吆喝道：“不是说这汉堡的配菜是苍蝇吗，咋又配薯条了。”
提示二：少弄点纹身，少穿几个环。两三个是可以接受的，但是如果你浑身上下都纹得青青绿绿的，能取悦的也就只有那些环保人士了。嗯，可能还有那么一些人会对你印象深刻的，但他们很可能不会给你一份工作，除非他们之中有人是个农场主，正值农忙季节，需要多一个稻草人。（是的，我知道：有一些纹身是艺术品。事实上，列奥纳多·达·芬奇最开始是把《蒙娜·丽莎》纹在一个朋友的后背上的。很不幸的是乳环在那时候还不普遍，所以他没法把朋友挂在画廊里。）
提示三：面试的时候“把你最好的一只脚放在前面（全力以赴）”。这样做可能很困难，特别是当你的两只脚看起来都一样的话。你的朋友也许可以帮你找出哪只脚更好，但如果你还是无法确定的话，那么就找个足病医生咨询一下吧。
提示四：穿着得体。很不幸的是，太多人的穿着都很糟糕。如果你穿着一件写有“Go bonkers!（疯了！）”字样的T恤，那可别奢望美国大通银行会聘用你。你至少可以把第二个字母“o”改成“a”吧。（编者注：此指将“bonkers”改成“bankers”，则标语意思就变成“勇往直前吧，银行家！”）
提示五：好好整理仪容。如果你是一位男士，那么修剪一下你的指甲、胡子以及那些不羁乱长的鼻毛。如果你是一位女士，那么请抵制住将头发染成橙色的诱惑——除非你想申请做交通路锥。
提示六：尽可能地让自己气味宜人。要达到这个目的，最重要的是去洗个澡，即使你今年已经洗过澡了。你可以在面试之后再节约用水。喷一点香水或者古龙水是有帮助的，但是千万别把一整瓶都喷光了，除非你想花一整天的时间去使那个被你熏晕的面试官苏醒。
提示七：事先了解一下背景资料。对雇主有所了解，能留下不错的印象。你可能需要去了解，譬如说，他们是做什么的。不要问Cracker Barrel（“饼干桶”）乡村餐厅连锁集团的经理有关“饼干桶有多重”的问题。也不要问韩国三星集团的招聘官到底“山姆在唱什么歌”。（编者注：此指将三星集团的英文名称“Samsung”拆开变成了“Sam sung（山姆唱歌）”）
提示八：不要沾染毒品。大部分雇主都会做毒品测试，如果你过不了这个测试，那么你就没有第二次机会了，除非你是美国国家橄榄球联盟里的人。如果你想一个星期享受几次“飘飘然”的感觉，那就去应聘空中乘务员的工作吧。这份工作更安全，又不会耗尽你的银行存款。只是在问候乘客的时候要注意点：“早上好！希望你们有一次愉快的‘灰行’旅程！”（编者注：此指因发音不准而将“flight（飞行）”误说为“fright（惊吓）”。）
In this harsh economic climate, it’s important to have a job, any job. But finding a job isn’t easy, especially since so many companies are giving their employees—even the male ones—4)pink slips. Competition for jobs is so intense that chess 5)champ 6)Vishwanathan Anand has been flooded with applications, all because someone wrote that he has “good openings.”
With all the competition, it’s vital for job seekers to give themselves an edge. That’s why I’ve decided to offer a few tips to help people stand out from the crowd. Some of these tips may seem obvious, but, trust me, they’re often overlooked.
Tip #1: Learn to speak English. When the economy was strong, some folks were able to find decent jobs in America by knowing just three words of English: “Me want job.” Others, realizing the importance of grammar, tried a little harder: “Me wants job.” These days, three words of English aren’t enough to secure a job in any part of America outside 7)Miami. Job seekers must learn at least six words, particularly these six: “Would you like 8)fries with that?” They may seem like easy words, but some immigrants really struggle with them. A few have been fired from fast-food restaurants for repeatedly asking customers, “Would you like flies with that?” The restaurants, as you can imagine, received many customer complaints, such as the one from a 9)West Virginia man who threw his meal at the manager, shouting: “I thought I was getting flies with my 10)burger, not fries.”
Tip #2: Go easy on the tattoos and 11)body piercing. Two or three are OK, but when your entire body is green, the only people you’re likely to impress are environmentalists. Well, perhaps a few others too, but they probably won’t offer you a job, unless one of them is a farmer and, with planting season coming around, needs another 12)scarecrow. (Yes, I know: some tattoos are works of art. In fact, Leonardo Da Vinci first tattooed the Mona Lisa on a friend’s backside. Unfortunately 13)nipple rings weren’t common in those days, so he couldn’t hang his friend in a gallery.)
Tip #3: 14)Put your best foot forward at the job interview. This can be hard, especially if your feet look the same. Your friends can probably help you figure out which foot is better, but if you’re still unsure, consult a 15)podiatrist.
Tip #4: Dress for success. Too many people, unfortunately, dress for failure. Don’t expect 16)Chase Bank to hire you if you’re wearing a T-shirt that says “Go 17)bonkers!” The least you can do is change the second “o” to an “a”.
Tip #5: 18)Groom yourself well. If you’re a man, it’s probably a good idea to trim your nails, mustache and any 19)unruly 20)locks of nose hair. If you’re a woman, resist the temptation to dye your hair orange—unless you’re applying for a job as a 21)traffic cone.
Tip #6: Try to smell good. The most important thing you can do to smell good is take a bath, even if you’ve already taken one this year. You can practice water conservation AFTER the interview. A little perfume or 22)cologne would also help, but don’t empty the bottle, unless you want to spend your day reviving the interviewer.
Tip #7: Do some research. Employers are impressed when you know something about them. You might want to find out, for example, what they do. Don’t ask the manager of 23)Cracker Barrel how heavy the barrels are. And don’t ask the recruiter at 24)Samsung what exactly it was that Sam sung.
Tip #8: Don’t do drugs. Most employers test for drugs and if you fail the test, you won’t get a second chance, unless you’re in the 25)National Football League. If you like to get 26)high several times a week, apply for a job as a flight attendant. It’s safer and it won’t 27)deplete your bank account. Just be careful how you greet the passengers: “Good morning! Hope you have a good fright!”
现在美国经济正处于艰难时期，其他地方也一样。如果你像我，也处于这种境况，你肯定会绞尽脑汁去省钱。我取消了有线电视服务，花钱买了一副不错的望远镜，开始看我邻居家的电视。非常时期就得采取非常措施。
在这么艰难的经济环境下，有一份工作是非常重要的，无论是什么工作。但找一份工作不容易，特别是有那么多公司都给他们的雇员发出“粉红纸片（解雇通知书）”——即使是男雇员也会收到。求职竞争的激烈程度可以参照国际象棋大师维斯瓦纳坦·阿南德的情况，他最近快被无数的应聘信给淹没了，这一切皆源于有人写他有“好的空缺职位（开局）”。（编者注：“opening”既指象棋的“开局”，也有“空缺职位”之意。）
竞争对手如云，求职者给自己增加一些优势是很重要的。所以我决定提供一些提示，帮助大家脱颖而出。某些提示可能看起来显而易见，但是，相信我，它们经常都被忽视了。
提示一：学讲英语。经济繁荣的时候，一些人仅仅凭着这三个英语单词：“Me want job（我要工作）”就可以在美国找到体面的工作。而其他那些意识到语法重要性的人，则会稍稍努力一下，说出：“Me wants job（我想要工作）”。但这些年头里，在美国的任何一个地方，迈阿密除外，这三个英语单词已经不足以用来保住工作了。求职者一定要学会至少六个英语单词，特别是这六个：“Would you like fries with that？（你喜欢配炸薯条吗？）”这些词看起来可能很简单，但有些移民真的拿这几个单词没辙。有些在快餐店工作的人就因为反复询问顾客“你喜欢配‘苍蝇’吗”而被解雇了。你可以想象一下，那些餐馆收到了多少顾客的投诉，甚至于有个来自西维吉尼亚州的男人将他的餐食直接扔向经理，吆喝道：“不是说这汉堡的配菜是苍蝇吗，咋又配薯条了。”
提示二：少弄点纹身，少穿几个环。两三个是可以接受的，但是如果你浑身上下都纹得青青绿绿的，能取悦的也就只有那些环保人士了。嗯，可能还有那么一些人会对你印象深刻的，但他们很可能不会给你一份工作，除非他们之中有人是个农场主，正值农忙季节，需要多一个稻草人。（是的，我知道：有一些纹身是艺术品。事实上，列奥纳多·达·芬奇最开始是把《蒙娜·丽莎》纹在一个朋友的后背上的。很不幸的是乳环在那时候还不普遍，所以他没法把朋友挂在画廊里。）
提示三：面试的时候“把你最好的一只脚放在前面（全力以赴）”。这样做可能很困难，特别是当你的两只脚看起来都一样的话。你的朋友也许可以帮你找出哪只脚更好，但如果你还是无法确定的话，那么就找个足病医生咨询一下吧。
提示四：穿着得体。很不幸的是，太多人的穿着都很糟糕。如果你穿着一件写有“Go bonkers!（疯了！）”字样的T恤，那可别奢望美国大通银行会聘用你。你至少可以把第二个字母“o”改成“a”吧。（编者注：此指将“bonkers”改成“bankers”，则标语意思就变成“勇往直前吧，银行家！”）
提示五：好好整理仪容。如果你是一位男士，那么修剪一下你的指甲、胡子以及那些不羁乱长的鼻毛。如果你是一位女士，那么请抵制住将头发染成橙色的诱惑——除非你想申请做交通路锥。
提示六：尽可能地让自己气味宜人。要达到这个目的，最重要的是去洗个澡，即使你今年已经洗过澡了。你可以在面试之后再节约用水。喷一点香水或者古龙水是有帮助的，但是千万别把一整瓶都喷光了，除非你想花一整天的时间去使那个被你熏晕的面试官苏醒。
提示七：事先了解一下背景资料。对雇主有所了解，能留下不错的印象。你可能需要去了解，譬如说，他们是做什么的。不要问Cracker Barrel（“饼干桶”）乡村餐厅连锁集团的经理有关“饼干桶有多重”的问题。也不要问韩国三星集团的招聘官到底“山姆在唱什么歌”。（编者注：此指将三星集团的英文名称“Samsung”拆开变成了“Sam sung（山姆唱歌）”）
提示八：不要沾染毒品。大部分雇主都会做毒品测试，如果你过不了这个测试，那么你就没有第二次机会了，除非你是美国国家橄榄球联盟里的人。如果你想一个星期享受几次“飘飘然”的感觉，那就去应聘空中乘务员的工作吧。这份工作更安全，又不会耗尽你的银行存款。只是在问候乘客的时候要注意点：“早上好！希望你们有一次愉快的‘灰行’旅程！”（编者注：此指因发音不准而将“flight（飞行）”误说为“fright（惊吓）”。）