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A
假设你是李明,你的英籍笔友彼得十年前到过北京｡他计划在2008年北京奥运会期间再来北京｡在他的印象中北京的公共交通设施有些落后,出行不便｡因此,他来信询问现在的状况是否有所改善｡请根据表中信息给彼得写封回信,说明北京道路交通已四通八达的现状｡
字数: 100-120
Dear Peter,
Glad to have read your letter. Now, I’ll introduce the present public transport of Beijing to you.
As you saidit① in the letter, public transport of Beijing in 1995 wasn’t really good. But things have great② changed. Now, there are 24,000 buses, run③ on 750 bus routes, which are 3 times as many as those in 1995. And by 2008, 32,000 buses will cover 820 routes.
As for highways, now the total length is over l9, 000 km. Believe it or not, in 1995 the number was only 8, 000 km. In addition, the underground railways and city-rails are quick④ and safe. The present length, 114 km, will raise⑤ to 300 km by 2008. The number was only 54 km in 1995.
Now it is very convenient to visit Beijing. What’s more, it will ∧ ⑥ much better in 2008.
Yours ever,
Li Mng
修改说明: ① said此处用作不及物动词,it多余,应删除｡As此处意为“正如”,是连接词,不是关系代词｡as放在句首而意为“这一点”时才是关系代词｡② changed为行为动词,应用副词修饰,great应改为greatly｡③ 此处做状语,run应改为running｡④ 此处强调速度,quick应改为fast｡⑤ 此处为不及物动词,表示“上升”,raise应改为rise｡⑥ better为形容词,不可做谓语,will后面应加be｡
点评: 本篇书面表达为交通状况介绍文,小作者根据写作要求,用对比的方法介绍了1995年､2006年､2008北京市道路交通车辆总数､线路总数､铁路总长､地铁总长等角度的背景信息,文章思路清晰,脉络分明,有较强的结构美｡过渡性词汇的使用是本文最为成功之处,如now, but, as for, believe it or not, in addition, what’s more等过渡性词汇的准确贴切使用使文章叙述更合理,文意更连贯,逻辑更严密｡并列句､定语从句等高级表达方式的运用进一步增强了文章的表达效果,提高了文章的表达档次｡美中不足的是,本文出现了一些语言表达方面的错误,如代词多用错误､形容词副词混用错误､非谓语动词错误､易混词误用､缺少谓语动词错误,表明小作者语言表达能力有待于进一步提高,然而从总体上讲本文不失为一篇成功之作,值得广大读者学习｡
参考答案:
Dear Peter,
Glad to have read your letter. Now,I’ll introduce the present public transport of Beijing to you.
As you said in the letter, public transport of Beijing in 1995 wasn’t really good. But things have greatly changed. Now, there are 24,000 buses, running on 750 bus routes, which are 3 times as many as those in 1995. And by 2008, 32,000 buses will cover 820 routes.
As for highways, now the total length is over l9, 000 km. Believe it or not, in 1995 the number was only 8, 000 km. In addition, the underground railways and city?鄄rails are fast and safe. The present length, 114 km, will rise to 300 km by 2008. The number was only 54 km in 1995.
Now it is very convenient to visit Beijing. What’s more, it will be much better in 2008.
Yours ever,
Li Mng
B
为了丰富中小学生的寒假生活,东城区教委再次启动“蓝天工程”,号召学生走出家门,拥抱蓝天｡假设你是李华,以The Blue?鄄sky Project benefited us a lot为题,向《21世纪报——中学生版》投稿,讲述你响应“蓝天工程”号召所做的事情及其感受｡
字数: 100-120左右
学生习作:
The Blue-sky Project benefited us a lot
In order to enrich students’ life during winter holidays, the Blue-sky Project has restarted and I’ve benefited a lot of① from it.
First, just before the Spring Festival, I visited three famous museums including China Science Museum. The visits have real② broadened my view. I also went to Beijing Botanic Garden, where I saw interesting plants and flowers, a lot of which I had never seen them③ before. Then, during the Spring Festival, I went to Badaling Wildlife Park with my parents and saw a variety of wild animals. Besides, I went to some big bookstores and buy④ some books I’m interested in. What’s more, I built my body by playing the⑤ basketball in the Olympic Center for two hours everyday⑥. Now I feel relaxed and happier. Most important of all, I’ve learned what cannot be learned from our textbooks.
修改说明: ① a lot of后面应接名词､代词,但此处没有,应去掉of｡② broadened为行为动词,应用副词修饰,real应改为really｡③ a lot of which已做宾语,应去掉them｡④ 此处表示过去动作,应用一般过去时,buy应改为bought｡⑤ 球类运动前面不加冠词,应去掉the｡⑥ 此处表示“每天”而不表示“日常的”,everyday应改为every day｡
点评: 小作者没有拘泥于表格按要点出现的先后顺序表达文意,而是根据表达内容的需要将所给信息重新进行组织整理,使文章结构更合理｡first, also, then等表示动作变换的过渡性词汇准确地描绘了作者所做之事,使文章思路更连贯｡besides, what’s more, most important of all等过渡性词汇准确描绘了作者感受,使文章逻辑更严密｡并列句､非限制性定语从句､限制性定语从句､宾语从句等高级表达方式的运用使文章表达效果更好,表达档次更高｡所有这些都成为本文一道亮丽的风景｡然而本文也存在一些疏漏之处,介词错误､形容词副词混用错误､代词错误､时态错误､冠词错误､易混词误用等表明小作者语言表达能力有待于进一步提高｡然而从总体上讲,本文仍属成功之作｡
参考答案:
The Blue-sky Project benefited us a lot
In order to enrich students’ life during winter holidays, the Blue-sky Project has restarted and I’ve benefited a lot from it.
First, just before the Spring Festival, I visited three famous museums including China Science Museum. The visits have really broadened my view. I also went to Beijing Botanic Garden, where I saw a great number of interesting plants and flowers, most of which I had never seen before. Then, during the Spring Festival, I went to Badaling Wildlife Park with my parents and saw a variety of wild animals. Besides, I went to some big bookstores and bought some books I’m interested in. What’s more, I built my body by playing basketball in the Olympic Center for two hours every day. Now I feel relaxed and happier. Most important of all, I’ve learned what cannot be learned from our textbooks.
假设你是李明,你的英籍笔友彼得十年前到过北京｡他计划在2008年北京奥运会期间再来北京｡在他的印象中北京的公共交通设施有些落后,出行不便｡因此,他来信询问现在的状况是否有所改善｡请根据表中信息给彼得写封回信,说明北京道路交通已四通八达的现状｡
字数: 100-120
Dear Peter,
Glad to have read your letter. Now, I’ll introduce the present public transport of Beijing to you.
As you saidit① in the letter, public transport of Beijing in 1995 wasn’t really good. But things have great② changed. Now, there are 24,000 buses, run③ on 750 bus routes, which are 3 times as many as those in 1995. And by 2008, 32,000 buses will cover 820 routes.
As for highways, now the total length is over l9, 000 km. Believe it or not, in 1995 the number was only 8, 000 km. In addition, the underground railways and city-rails are quick④ and safe. The present length, 114 km, will raise⑤ to 300 km by 2008. The number was only 54 km in 1995.
Now it is very convenient to visit Beijing. What’s more, it will ∧ ⑥ much better in 2008.
Yours ever,
Li Mng
修改说明: ① said此处用作不及物动词,it多余,应删除｡As此处意为“正如”,是连接词,不是关系代词｡as放在句首而意为“这一点”时才是关系代词｡② changed为行为动词,应用副词修饰,great应改为greatly｡③ 此处做状语,run应改为running｡④ 此处强调速度,quick应改为fast｡⑤ 此处为不及物动词,表示“上升”,raise应改为rise｡⑥ better为形容词,不可做谓语,will后面应加be｡
点评: 本篇书面表达为交通状况介绍文,小作者根据写作要求,用对比的方法介绍了1995年､2006年､2008北京市道路交通车辆总数､线路总数､铁路总长､地铁总长等角度的背景信息,文章思路清晰,脉络分明,有较强的结构美｡过渡性词汇的使用是本文最为成功之处,如now, but, as for, believe it or not, in addition, what’s more等过渡性词汇的准确贴切使用使文章叙述更合理,文意更连贯,逻辑更严密｡并列句､定语从句等高级表达方式的运用进一步增强了文章的表达效果,提高了文章的表达档次｡美中不足的是,本文出现了一些语言表达方面的错误,如代词多用错误､形容词副词混用错误､非谓语动词错误､易混词误用､缺少谓语动词错误,表明小作者语言表达能力有待于进一步提高,然而从总体上讲本文不失为一篇成功之作,值得广大读者学习｡
参考答案:
Dear Peter,
Glad to have read your letter. Now,I’ll introduce the present public transport of Beijing to you.
As you said in the letter, public transport of Beijing in 1995 wasn’t really good. But things have greatly changed. Now, there are 24,000 buses, running on 750 bus routes, which are 3 times as many as those in 1995. And by 2008, 32,000 buses will cover 820 routes.
As for highways, now the total length is over l9, 000 km. Believe it or not, in 1995 the number was only 8, 000 km. In addition, the underground railways and city?鄄rails are fast and safe. The present length, 114 km, will rise to 300 km by 2008. The number was only 54 km in 1995.
Now it is very convenient to visit Beijing. What’s more, it will be much better in 2008.
Yours ever,
Li Mng
B
为了丰富中小学生的寒假生活,东城区教委再次启动“蓝天工程”,号召学生走出家门,拥抱蓝天｡假设你是李华,以The Blue?鄄sky Project benefited us a lot为题,向《21世纪报——中学生版》投稿,讲述你响应“蓝天工程”号召所做的事情及其感受｡
字数: 100-120左右
学生习作:
The Blue-sky Project benefited us a lot
In order to enrich students’ life during winter holidays, the Blue-sky Project has restarted and I’ve benefited a lot of① from it.
First, just before the Spring Festival, I visited three famous museums including China Science Museum. The visits have real② broadened my view. I also went to Beijing Botanic Garden, where I saw interesting plants and flowers, a lot of which I had never seen them③ before. Then, during the Spring Festival, I went to Badaling Wildlife Park with my parents and saw a variety of wild animals. Besides, I went to some big bookstores and buy④ some books I’m interested in. What’s more, I built my body by playing the⑤ basketball in the Olympic Center for two hours everyday⑥. Now I feel relaxed and happier. Most important of all, I’ve learned what cannot be learned from our textbooks.
修改说明: ① a lot of后面应接名词､代词,但此处没有,应去掉of｡② broadened为行为动词,应用副词修饰,real应改为really｡③ a lot of which已做宾语,应去掉them｡④ 此处表示过去动作,应用一般过去时,buy应改为bought｡⑤ 球类运动前面不加冠词,应去掉the｡⑥ 此处表示“每天”而不表示“日常的”,everyday应改为every day｡
点评: 小作者没有拘泥于表格按要点出现的先后顺序表达文意,而是根据表达内容的需要将所给信息重新进行组织整理,使文章结构更合理｡first, also, then等表示动作变换的过渡性词汇准确地描绘了作者所做之事,使文章思路更连贯｡besides, what’s more, most important of all等过渡性词汇准确描绘了作者感受,使文章逻辑更严密｡并列句､非限制性定语从句､限制性定语从句､宾语从句等高级表达方式的运用使文章表达效果更好,表达档次更高｡所有这些都成为本文一道亮丽的风景｡然而本文也存在一些疏漏之处,介词错误､形容词副词混用错误､代词错误､时态错误､冠词错误､易混词误用等表明小作者语言表达能力有待于进一步提高｡然而从总体上讲,本文仍属成功之作｡
参考答案:
The Blue-sky Project benefited us a lot
In order to enrich students’ life during winter holidays, the Blue-sky Project has restarted and I’ve benefited a lot from it.
First, just before the Spring Festival, I visited three famous museums including China Science Museum. The visits have really broadened my view. I also went to Beijing Botanic Garden, where I saw a great number of interesting plants and flowers, most of which I had never seen before. Then, during the Spring Festival, I went to Badaling Wildlife Park with my parents and saw a variety of wild animals. Besides, I went to some big bookstores and bought some books I’m interested in. What’s more, I built my body by playing basketball in the Olympic Center for two hours every day. Now I feel relaxed and happier. Most important of all, I’ve learned what cannot be learned from our textbooks.