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Rico最讨厌接到推销保险的电话了……看在他们也是打工的份上，每次总听完内容介绍再说不需要购买，又不想无情地挂掉电话，拖拖拉拉浪费很多时间。不知道同学们是否有过类似经历，总是不知道该如何拒绝他人？实际上，当别人的请求跟自己的利益有所冲突时，我们应该学会用正确的方法说“不”，这既是保护自己的权益，也是尊重自己和他人的时间。拒绝不一定是不合群，说不也可以很给力哦！
Do you have difficulty saying “no”? Are you always trying to be nice to others at the expense of[在损害……的情况下] yourself?
Well, you’re not alone. In the past, I was not good at saying no because I didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
After a while, I realized all these times of not saying no (when I should) were not helping me at all. I was spending a lot of time and energy on other people and not spending nearly as much time on myself. It was frustrating[令人沮丧的], especially since I brought it upon myself. I slowly realized if I wanted personal time, I needed to learn to say no.
Why We Find it Hard to Say “No”
To learn to say no, we have to first understand what we are resisting about it. Below are common
reasons why people find it hard to say no:
You want to help. You are a kind soul at heart. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into[耗掉] your time.
Afraid of being rude. I was brought up under the notion that saying no, especially to people who are more senior, is rude. This thinking is common in Asian culture, where face-saving is important.
Wanting to be agreeable. You don’t want to alienate[疏远] yourself from the group because you’re not in agreement. So you conform to[符合] others’ ideas.
Fear of conflict. You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her. This might lead to an ugly confrontation. Even if there isn’t, there might be dissent[异议] created which might lead to negative consequences in the future.
Not burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.
If you nodded to any of these reasons, I’m with you. But these are all false beliefs in our mind. It’s about how you say no, rather than the fact you’re
saying no, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just like everyone has his/her own needs. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and space. Saying no is your prerogative[特权].
Seven Simple Ways to Say “No”
Rather than avoid it altogether, it’s all about
learning the right way to say no. It’s really not as bad as you think. Other people are very understanding and don’t put up any resistance. Really, the fears of saying no are just in our mind. Here are seven simple ways for you to say no. Use the method that best meets your needs in the situation.
1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
If you are too busy to engage in the
request/offer, this will be applicable. This lets the person know your plate is full at the
moment, so he/she should hold off[拖延] on this as well as future requests. If it makes it easier, you can also share what you’re working on so the person can understand better.
2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we
reconnect at X time?”
It’s common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle of
something. This method is a great way to (temporarily) hold off the request. First, you let the person know it’s not a good time as you are doing something. Secondly, you make known your desire to help by suggesting
another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel blown off[（故意）不赴约].
3. “I’d love to do this, but…”
I often use this as it’s a gentle way of breaking no to someone. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only say this if you do like it) and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s only because you can’t take part due to other reasons such as prior[先前的] commitments or different needs.
4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
This is more like a “maybe” than a straight out “no.” If you are interested but you don’t want to say “yes” just yet, use this. If the person is sincere about the request, he/she will be more than happy to wait a short while. Specify a date/time-range (say, in 1-2 weeks) where the person can expect a reply.
5. “This doesn’t meet my needs now, but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”
If someone is pitching[推销] a deal/opportunity which isn’t what you are looking for, let him/her know straight-out
that it doesn’t meet your needs. Otherwise, the discussion
can drag on longer than it should. It helps as the person knows there’s nothing wrong with what he/she is offering, but that you are looking for something else. At the same time, by saying you’ll keep him/her in mind, it signals you are open to future opportunities.
6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
If you are being asked for help with something which you can’t contribute much to or don’t have
resources for, let it be known they are looking at the wrong person. If possible, refer them to a lead they can follow up on—whether it’s someone you know, someone who might know someone else, or even a department. In this way you help steer[引导] the person to the right place.
7. “No, I can’t.”
The simplest and most direct way to say no. We build up too many barriers in our mind to saying no. These barriers are often self-created and not true at all. Don’t think so much about saying no and just say it
outright. You’ll be surprised when the reception isn’t half as bad as what you imagined it to be.
Learn to say no to requests that don’t meet your needs and once you do that you’ll find out how easy it actually is. You’ll get more time for yourself, your work, and things that are most important to you. You’ll be
happy when you start doing it.
你是否觉得很难拒绝他人？你总是宁愿损害自己的利益也要尽量对别人好吗？
好吧，这么想的人不止你一个。我过去总是不太善于拒绝，因为我不想伤害他人的感受。
不久之后，我便意识到所有这些情况对我毫无益处——我本应拒绝却没有那么做。我花费了大量的时间和精力为别人操劳，却没有留给自己同等的时间。这让我觉得沮丧不已，尤其是因为这一切是我自己亲手造成的。我慢慢明白到，如果想有私人时间，我就得学会说“不”。
为何拒绝难以启齿？
要学会拒绝他人，我们首先要知道自己到底在抗拒什么。以下是一些人们觉得难以拒绝的常见原因：
你真心想帮忙。你是一个心地善良的家伙。你不想拒人千里，希望尽可能帮助别人，即便这会耗费你大量时间。
恐被视为无礼。我在这样一个观念下长大：拒绝他人——尤其是长辈——是非常无礼的行为。这种思想在亚洲文化中很普遍，因为当地人很重视面子。
希望招人喜欢。你不想因为自己与别人意见不一而被群体疏远，所以你宁愿遵循别人的意思。
害怕引起冲突。你担心如果表示拒绝，对方会生气。而这可能引发不愉快的对质。即使当时并无不快，它也可能造成意见不一，给未来带来不良后果。
不愿断绝退路。有些人把“不”视作拒绝。它可能导致退路尽失，关系紧张。
如果你认同以上任何一个理由，你就和我一样。但这些都是我们脑中一些错误的想法。如何说“不”——而非你说“不”这一事实——对事情的结果影响更大。毕竟，你总会有自己的优先次序和需要，就像每个人都有自己的需求。说“不”是尊重和重视你自己的时间和空间。说“不”也是你的特权。
七种方法，简单说“不”
我们应当学会正确的拒绝方式，而不是避而远之。它并不像你想象中那么糟糕。别人都非常明白事理，不会无端反抗。害怕说“不”纯粹是我们脑中的谬论。以下有七种简单方法，助你拒绝不卡壳。记得采用最符合实际情况的方式来拒绝别人哦。
1、“我无法保证，因为我手头上有其他紧急事情。”
如果你因为太忙而无法答应他人的邀请或提议，你就可以这样说。这能让对方知道你现在有很多事情要处理，因此他/她应该晚点再提出此事以及后续的请求。如果说出来会让事情更简单一些，你还可以与对方谈谈你正在做的事情，以便对方更容易理解。
2. “现在恐怕不是好时机，我正忙着一些事情。
我们……点再聊如何？”
你正忙着某事，却突然接到求助——这种情况再平常不过了。这是（暂时）推延请求的好方法。首先，你让对方知道现在不是好时机，因为你正忙着其他事情。其次，提议另一个（你方便的）时间以表明你愿意帮忙。这样，对方就不会觉得被拒绝了。
3. “我非常乐意帮忙，可是……”
我常常使用这种说法，以便温和地拒绝他人。这个方式值得提倡，因为它让对方知道你喜欢这个提议（当然，你得真心喜欢才能这么说），提议本身并没有什么问题，只是出于其他原因（比如早先的承诺或其他需求）才导致你无法参加。
4．“让我先考虑一下，我晚点给你答复。”
这更像是一个“可能”，而非直接的“不行”。如果你感兴趣，但是不愿意当场应诺，就这么说吧。如果对方真心邀请你，他/她会非常乐意等一会儿。指明一个具体日期或时间范围（比如一到两个星期）给予对方答复。
5．“我现在没有这个需要呢，不过我一定会记在心里的。”
如果有人给你介绍一个交易或机会，但它并不是你想要的，你应该直截了当地让他/她知道这不符合你的需求。否则，这个讨论将拖延更长的时间。这能让对方知道他/她所提供的东西没有问题，只是你想要的是其他东西。同时，告诉他/她你会记住这个提议，表明将来有机会的话，你也许会接受提议呢。
6. “我不是解决这件事情的最佳人选。何不问问……呢？”
如果有人求助于你，但你帮不上忙或是没有该方面的资源，你应该让他们知道他们找错人了。如果可以的话，给他们推荐一个能继续跟进的线索——无论是你认识的人，还是某个也许认识这种人选的人，甚至是某个部门。这样你便能将对方指引到正确的位置。
7. “不，我帮不了忙。”
这是最简单、最直接的拒绝方式。在说“不”的时候，我们在自己的脑中建起了太多障碍。这些障碍常常是自找麻烦，而且与事实不符。不必为说“不”考虑太多。直接说出来吧，你会惊奇地发现对方接受时根本没有你想象的那么糟糕。
学会对不符合自己需求的请求说“不”，一旦学会了拒绝，你就会发现实际上这非常简单。你会得到更多私人时间和工作时间，可以做一些对自己更有意义的事情。学着拒绝，你会变得更加快乐。
Do you have difficulty saying “no”? Are you always trying to be nice to others at the expense of[在损害……的情况下] yourself?
Well, you’re not alone. In the past, I was not good at saying no because I didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
After a while, I realized all these times of not saying no (when I should) were not helping me at all. I was spending a lot of time and energy on other people and not spending nearly as much time on myself. It was frustrating[令人沮丧的], especially since I brought it upon myself. I slowly realized if I wanted personal time, I needed to learn to say no.
Why We Find it Hard to Say “No”
To learn to say no, we have to first understand what we are resisting about it. Below are common
reasons why people find it hard to say no:
You want to help. You are a kind soul at heart. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into[耗掉] your time.
Afraid of being rude. I was brought up under the notion that saying no, especially to people who are more senior, is rude. This thinking is common in Asian culture, where face-saving is important.
Wanting to be agreeable. You don’t want to alienate[疏远] yourself from the group because you’re not in agreement. So you conform to[符合] others’ ideas.
Fear of conflict. You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her. This might lead to an ugly confrontation. Even if there isn’t, there might be dissent[异议] created which might lead to negative consequences in the future.
Not burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.
If you nodded to any of these reasons, I’m with you. But these are all false beliefs in our mind. It’s about how you say no, rather than the fact you’re
saying no, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just like everyone has his/her own needs. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and space. Saying no is your prerogative[特权].
Seven Simple Ways to Say “No”
Rather than avoid it altogether, it’s all about
learning the right way to say no. It’s really not as bad as you think. Other people are very understanding and don’t put up any resistance. Really, the fears of saying no are just in our mind. Here are seven simple ways for you to say no. Use the method that best meets your needs in the situation.
1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
If you are too busy to engage in the
request/offer, this will be applicable. This lets the person know your plate is full at the
moment, so he/she should hold off[拖延] on this as well as future requests. If it makes it easier, you can also share what you’re working on so the person can understand better.
2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we
reconnect at X time?”
It’s common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle of
something. This method is a great way to (temporarily) hold off the request. First, you let the person know it’s not a good time as you are doing something. Secondly, you make known your desire to help by suggesting
another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel blown off[（故意）不赴约].
3. “I’d love to do this, but…”
I often use this as it’s a gentle way of breaking no to someone. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only say this if you do like it) and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s only because you can’t take part due to other reasons such as prior[先前的] commitments or different needs.
4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
This is more like a “maybe” than a straight out “no.” If you are interested but you don’t want to say “yes” just yet, use this. If the person is sincere about the request, he/she will be more than happy to wait a short while. Specify a date/time-range (say, in 1-2 weeks) where the person can expect a reply.
5. “This doesn’t meet my needs now, but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”
If someone is pitching[推销] a deal/opportunity which isn’t what you are looking for, let him/her know straight-out
that it doesn’t meet your needs. Otherwise, the discussion
can drag on longer than it should. It helps as the person knows there’s nothing wrong with what he/she is offering, but that you are looking for something else. At the same time, by saying you’ll keep him/her in mind, it signals you are open to future opportunities.
6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
If you are being asked for help with something which you can’t contribute much to or don’t have
resources for, let it be known they are looking at the wrong person. If possible, refer them to a lead they can follow up on—whether it’s someone you know, someone who might know someone else, or even a department. In this way you help steer[引导] the person to the right place.
7. “No, I can’t.”
The simplest and most direct way to say no. We build up too many barriers in our mind to saying no. These barriers are often self-created and not true at all. Don’t think so much about saying no and just say it
outright. You’ll be surprised when the reception isn’t half as bad as what you imagined it to be.
Learn to say no to requests that don’t meet your needs and once you do that you’ll find out how easy it actually is. You’ll get more time for yourself, your work, and things that are most important to you. You’ll be
happy when you start doing it.
你是否觉得很难拒绝他人？你总是宁愿损害自己的利益也要尽量对别人好吗？
好吧，这么想的人不止你一个。我过去总是不太善于拒绝，因为我不想伤害他人的感受。
不久之后，我便意识到所有这些情况对我毫无益处——我本应拒绝却没有那么做。我花费了大量的时间和精力为别人操劳，却没有留给自己同等的时间。这让我觉得沮丧不已，尤其是因为这一切是我自己亲手造成的。我慢慢明白到，如果想有私人时间，我就得学会说“不”。
为何拒绝难以启齿？
要学会拒绝他人，我们首先要知道自己到底在抗拒什么。以下是一些人们觉得难以拒绝的常见原因：
你真心想帮忙。你是一个心地善良的家伙。你不想拒人千里，希望尽可能帮助别人，即便这会耗费你大量时间。
恐被视为无礼。我在这样一个观念下长大：拒绝他人——尤其是长辈——是非常无礼的行为。这种思想在亚洲文化中很普遍，因为当地人很重视面子。
希望招人喜欢。你不想因为自己与别人意见不一而被群体疏远，所以你宁愿遵循别人的意思。
害怕引起冲突。你担心如果表示拒绝，对方会生气。而这可能引发不愉快的对质。即使当时并无不快，它也可能造成意见不一，给未来带来不良后果。
不愿断绝退路。有些人把“不”视作拒绝。它可能导致退路尽失，关系紧张。
如果你认同以上任何一个理由，你就和我一样。但这些都是我们脑中一些错误的想法。如何说“不”——而非你说“不”这一事实——对事情的结果影响更大。毕竟，你总会有自己的优先次序和需要，就像每个人都有自己的需求。说“不”是尊重和重视你自己的时间和空间。说“不”也是你的特权。
七种方法，简单说“不”
我们应当学会正确的拒绝方式，而不是避而远之。它并不像你想象中那么糟糕。别人都非常明白事理，不会无端反抗。害怕说“不”纯粹是我们脑中的谬论。以下有七种简单方法，助你拒绝不卡壳。记得采用最符合实际情况的方式来拒绝别人哦。
1、“我无法保证，因为我手头上有其他紧急事情。”
如果你因为太忙而无法答应他人的邀请或提议，你就可以这样说。这能让对方知道你现在有很多事情要处理，因此他/她应该晚点再提出此事以及后续的请求。如果说出来会让事情更简单一些，你还可以与对方谈谈你正在做的事情，以便对方更容易理解。
2. “现在恐怕不是好时机，我正忙着一些事情。
我们……点再聊如何？”
你正忙着某事，却突然接到求助——这种情况再平常不过了。这是（暂时）推延请求的好方法。首先，你让对方知道现在不是好时机，因为你正忙着其他事情。其次，提议另一个（你方便的）时间以表明你愿意帮忙。这样，对方就不会觉得被拒绝了。
3. “我非常乐意帮忙，可是……”
我常常使用这种说法，以便温和地拒绝他人。这个方式值得提倡，因为它让对方知道你喜欢这个提议（当然，你得真心喜欢才能这么说），提议本身并没有什么问题，只是出于其他原因（比如早先的承诺或其他需求）才导致你无法参加。
4．“让我先考虑一下，我晚点给你答复。”
这更像是一个“可能”，而非直接的“不行”。如果你感兴趣，但是不愿意当场应诺，就这么说吧。如果对方真心邀请你，他/她会非常乐意等一会儿。指明一个具体日期或时间范围（比如一到两个星期）给予对方答复。
5．“我现在没有这个需要呢，不过我一定会记在心里的。”
如果有人给你介绍一个交易或机会，但它并不是你想要的，你应该直截了当地让他/她知道这不符合你的需求。否则，这个讨论将拖延更长的时间。这能让对方知道他/她所提供的东西没有问题，只是你想要的是其他东西。同时，告诉他/她你会记住这个提议，表明将来有机会的话，你也许会接受提议呢。
6. “我不是解决这件事情的最佳人选。何不问问……呢？”
如果有人求助于你，但你帮不上忙或是没有该方面的资源，你应该让他们知道他们找错人了。如果可以的话，给他们推荐一个能继续跟进的线索——无论是你认识的人，还是某个也许认识这种人选的人，甚至是某个部门。这样你便能将对方指引到正确的位置。
7. “不，我帮不了忙。”
这是最简单、最直接的拒绝方式。在说“不”的时候，我们在自己的脑中建起了太多障碍。这些障碍常常是自找麻烦，而且与事实不符。不必为说“不”考虑太多。直接说出来吧，你会惊奇地发现对方接受时根本没有你想象的那么糟糕。
学会对不符合自己需求的请求说“不”，一旦学会了拒绝，你就会发现实际上这非常简单。你会得到更多私人时间和工作时间，可以做一些对自己更有意义的事情。学着拒绝，你会变得更加快乐。