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My wife, Malathi, and I recently celebrated our 10th anniversary. Yes, it’s been a whole decade since we got married, a whole decade since we stood in front of family and friends, looked into each other’s eyes and thought, “Who is this person?”
We hardly knew each other back then, having met through a 1)matrimonial ad on the internet. But after spending 10 years together and 2)producing three children, one thing is clear: we still don’t know each other.
If we knew each other, she wouldn’t get annoyed whenever she finds me on the couch on a Sunday afternoon, as though I have any control whatsoever over the schedule of the 3)National Football League.
If we knew each other, I wouldn’t have waited patiently for her outside the clothing store in the mall—I would have rented a 4)tow truck with a hook and chain to pull her out.
Despite not knowing each other, we’ve somehow managed to stay married for 10 years. That may not seem like a long time to some of our friends—a few have been married 25 years or more—but for Malathi and I, it’s amazing that we’re still together and even more amazing that we still occasionally talk to each other.
In fact, you’ll be glad to know that we spoke to each other just last month. I said, “Our anniversary is coming up. How do you want to celebrate it?” And she said, “I’d like to try the new Japanese restaurant in town. Do you want me to bring something home for you?” (That’s what I love about her—she’s so thoughtful.)
Actually, Malathi and I talk to each other quite a lot—whenever the kids let us. The kids are 4, 6 and 8, and at any given time one of them is speaking, one of them is singing and one of them is screaming. It’s hard to have a conversation when they’re around, especially since they don’t like to see Mommy and Daddy getting too 5)affectionate. We usually have to speak in code—a special code that develops naturally during a marriage. Whenever Malathi wants to say “I love you,” she says, “Are you watching that stupid football game again?” And whenever I want to say “I love you,” I say, “How many pairs of shoes do you need anyway?” The kids don’t realize it, but we’re a very romantic couple.
Our relationship has evolved and matured over the years. We’re even able to communicate without saying a word to each other. For example, if I’m on the couch watching a football game and a pumpkin lands on my head, I know that Malathi needs help in the kitchen.
All relationships change over time, and it’s important to adapt to the changes. Just look at what I’ve adapted to from “then” to “now.”
Then: Leaves romantic “I need you like I need food and water” note on the dining table.
Now: Leaves 6)frantic “I need you to buy some food and water” note on the dining table.
Then: Offers to make tea in the evening.
Now: Shouts “Where’s my tea?” while checking Facebook.
Then: Gives compliments such as “You’re so sweet! 7)Take a bow.”
Now: Gives advice such as “You’re so sweaty! Take a bath.”
Then: Finishes my sentences without thinking.
Now: Finishes my sandwiches without thinking.
Actually, the last one isn’t completely true. She still occasionally finishes my sentences. Just the other day, I said, “How many pairs of shoes...” and she said, “would my husband like to 8)dodge on a Sunday afternoon?”
That’s a special code, of course.
She means the world to me, too.
我和妻子玛拉丝最近庆祝了我们的锡婚。没错，我们步入婚姻的殿堂已足足有十年的光阴，距离我们在亲朋好友面前，凝视着对方的眼睛，想着“这是谁？”这一场景，已经足足有十个年头了。
在此之前，我们对对方知之甚少，通过网络上的征婚广告才得以相识。然而，在共同生活了十载以及孕育了三个孩子之后，有一点是再清楚不过：我们仍然不够了解对方。
无论何时，只要她发现星期天的下午我坐在沙发上，就会觉得好像是我在操控着美式橄榄球联赛赛程，让他们在那个时段比赛一样，如果我们了解对方，那她也就不会为此感到大为光火了。
如果我们了解对方，我就不会在商场的服装店外面耐心等候了——我会租一辆带着钩连着锁的拖车把她拖出来。
尽管对对方不了解，我们还是结为夫妇并共同生活了十年。对我的一些朋友来说，这婚龄也许不算长——少部分人已经步入银婚阶段甚至更久——但对玛拉丝和我来说，我们仍然在一起就够惊喜的了，更让人惊喜的是我们还会不时聊聊天。
事实上，你会很高兴知道我们上个月才谈过话。我说：“我们的结婚周年纪念日快到了，你想如何庆祝？”然后她说：“我准备试试城里那家新开的日本餐厅。你想让我给你带点什么回来吗？”（我就爱她这点——她真的太贴心了。）
其实，玛拉丝和我经常交流，无论何时，只要孩子能容我们聊，我们就聊。孩子分别四岁，六岁和八岁，不论什么时候其中一个在滔滔不绝，另一个就在放声高歌，还有一个就尖声惊叫。当他们在身边的时候，要想和妻子对话难于上青天，特别是自从他们不太爱看到爸爸和妈妈表现亲密。我们通常以“代码”来对话——一种在婚姻中自然而然发展而来的特殊代码。当玛拉丝要说“我爱你”的时候，她会说“你是不是又在看那傻瓜橄榄球赛？”而当我想说“我爱你”的时候，我会说“你到底要买多少双鞋子啊？”孩子们听不懂，但是我们是非常浪漫的一对儿。
我们的关系这么多年来不断加深，越趋成熟。我们甚至能够不用一言一语就能沟通。譬如说，如果我坐在沙发上看橄榄球比赛而突然有一个南瓜落到我头上，我就知道玛拉丝要我去厨房打下手。
所有的关系都会随着岁月的变迁而发生改变，重要的是要适应这种改变。看看我是如何适应那些从“曾经”到“如今”的改变。
曾经：把话语浪漫的“我需要你就如我需要水和食物”的字条留在餐桌上。
如今：把书写潦草的“我要你去买水和食物”的字条留在餐桌上。
曾经：主动要求在晚上沏茶。
如今：一边登录脸谱网一边嘶吼“我的茶怎么还没到？”
曾经：给予这样的赞美词——“你真香！弯下身来（给我抱抱）。”
如今：给予这样的建议——“你真臭！洗洗澡吧。”
曾经：想都不用想就能把我想说的话说完。
如今：想都不用想就能把我的三明治吃完。
其实，最后那一条倒不是真的。她现在不时还能把我想说的话说完。有一天，我说“有多少双鞋……”然后她接口道：“我丈夫是不是想在星期天下午躲起来？”
当然，那是一种特殊代码。
她对我来说，还是一切。
We hardly knew each other back then, having met through a 1)matrimonial ad on the internet. But after spending 10 years together and 2)producing three children, one thing is clear: we still don’t know each other.
If we knew each other, she wouldn’t get annoyed whenever she finds me on the couch on a Sunday afternoon, as though I have any control whatsoever over the schedule of the 3)National Football League.
If we knew each other, I wouldn’t have waited patiently for her outside the clothing store in the mall—I would have rented a 4)tow truck with a hook and chain to pull her out.
Despite not knowing each other, we’ve somehow managed to stay married for 10 years. That may not seem like a long time to some of our friends—a few have been married 25 years or more—but for Malathi and I, it’s amazing that we’re still together and even more amazing that we still occasionally talk to each other.
In fact, you’ll be glad to know that we spoke to each other just last month. I said, “Our anniversary is coming up. How do you want to celebrate it?” And she said, “I’d like to try the new Japanese restaurant in town. Do you want me to bring something home for you?” (That’s what I love about her—she’s so thoughtful.)
Actually, Malathi and I talk to each other quite a lot—whenever the kids let us. The kids are 4, 6 and 8, and at any given time one of them is speaking, one of them is singing and one of them is screaming. It’s hard to have a conversation when they’re around, especially since they don’t like to see Mommy and Daddy getting too 5)affectionate. We usually have to speak in code—a special code that develops naturally during a marriage. Whenever Malathi wants to say “I love you,” she says, “Are you watching that stupid football game again?” And whenever I want to say “I love you,” I say, “How many pairs of shoes do you need anyway?” The kids don’t realize it, but we’re a very romantic couple.
Our relationship has evolved and matured over the years. We’re even able to communicate without saying a word to each other. For example, if I’m on the couch watching a football game and a pumpkin lands on my head, I know that Malathi needs help in the kitchen.
All relationships change over time, and it’s important to adapt to the changes. Just look at what I’ve adapted to from “then” to “now.”
Then: Leaves romantic “I need you like I need food and water” note on the dining table.
Now: Leaves 6)frantic “I need you to buy some food and water” note on the dining table.
Then: Offers to make tea in the evening.
Now: Shouts “Where’s my tea?” while checking Facebook.
Then: Gives compliments such as “You’re so sweet! 7)Take a bow.”
Now: Gives advice such as “You’re so sweaty! Take a bath.”
Then: Finishes my sentences without thinking.
Now: Finishes my sandwiches without thinking.
Actually, the last one isn’t completely true. She still occasionally finishes my sentences. Just the other day, I said, “How many pairs of shoes...” and she said, “would my husband like to 8)dodge on a Sunday afternoon?”
That’s a special code, of course.
She means the world to me, too.
我和妻子玛拉丝最近庆祝了我们的锡婚。没错，我们步入婚姻的殿堂已足足有十年的光阴，距离我们在亲朋好友面前，凝视着对方的眼睛，想着“这是谁？”这一场景，已经足足有十个年头了。
在此之前，我们对对方知之甚少，通过网络上的征婚广告才得以相识。然而，在共同生活了十载以及孕育了三个孩子之后，有一点是再清楚不过：我们仍然不够了解对方。
无论何时，只要她发现星期天的下午我坐在沙发上，就会觉得好像是我在操控着美式橄榄球联赛赛程，让他们在那个时段比赛一样，如果我们了解对方，那她也就不会为此感到大为光火了。
如果我们了解对方，我就不会在商场的服装店外面耐心等候了——我会租一辆带着钩连着锁的拖车把她拖出来。
尽管对对方不了解，我们还是结为夫妇并共同生活了十年。对我的一些朋友来说，这婚龄也许不算长——少部分人已经步入银婚阶段甚至更久——但对玛拉丝和我来说，我们仍然在一起就够惊喜的了，更让人惊喜的是我们还会不时聊聊天。
事实上，你会很高兴知道我们上个月才谈过话。我说：“我们的结婚周年纪念日快到了，你想如何庆祝？”然后她说：“我准备试试城里那家新开的日本餐厅。你想让我给你带点什么回来吗？”（我就爱她这点——她真的太贴心了。）
其实，玛拉丝和我经常交流，无论何时，只要孩子能容我们聊，我们就聊。孩子分别四岁，六岁和八岁，不论什么时候其中一个在滔滔不绝，另一个就在放声高歌，还有一个就尖声惊叫。当他们在身边的时候，要想和妻子对话难于上青天，特别是自从他们不太爱看到爸爸和妈妈表现亲密。我们通常以“代码”来对话——一种在婚姻中自然而然发展而来的特殊代码。当玛拉丝要说“我爱你”的时候，她会说“你是不是又在看那傻瓜橄榄球赛？”而当我想说“我爱你”的时候，我会说“你到底要买多少双鞋子啊？”孩子们听不懂，但是我们是非常浪漫的一对儿。
我们的关系这么多年来不断加深，越趋成熟。我们甚至能够不用一言一语就能沟通。譬如说，如果我坐在沙发上看橄榄球比赛而突然有一个南瓜落到我头上，我就知道玛拉丝要我去厨房打下手。
所有的关系都会随着岁月的变迁而发生改变，重要的是要适应这种改变。看看我是如何适应那些从“曾经”到“如今”的改变。
曾经：把话语浪漫的“我需要你就如我需要水和食物”的字条留在餐桌上。
如今：把书写潦草的“我要你去买水和食物”的字条留在餐桌上。
曾经：主动要求在晚上沏茶。
如今：一边登录脸谱网一边嘶吼“我的茶怎么还没到？”
曾经：给予这样的赞美词——“你真香！弯下身来（给我抱抱）。”
如今：给予这样的建议——“你真臭！洗洗澡吧。”
曾经：想都不用想就能把我想说的话说完。
如今：想都不用想就能把我的三明治吃完。
其实，最后那一条倒不是真的。她现在不时还能把我想说的话说完。有一天，我说“有多少双鞋……”然后她接口道：“我丈夫是不是想在星期天下午躲起来？”
当然，那是一种特殊代码。
她对我来说，还是一切。