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I was in my third year of teaching creative writing at Ralph McKee Vocational School in Staten Island， New York， when one of my students， 16-year-old Mikey， gave me a note from his mother. It explained his absence from class the day before：
“Dear Mr. McCort， Mikey’s grandmother who is eighty years of age fell down the stairs from too much coffee and I kept Mikey at home to take care of her and his baby sister so I could go to my job at the ferry 1）terminal. Please excuse Mikey and he’ll do his best in the future. P.S. His grandmother is ok.”
I had seen Mikey writing the note at his desk， using his left hand to disguise his handwriting. I said nothing. Most parentalexcuse notes I received back in those days were penned by my students. They’d been forging excuse notes since they learned to write， and if I were to confront each forger I’d be busy 24 hours a day.
I threw Mikey’s note into a desk drawer along with dozens of other notes. While my classes took a test， I decided to read all the notes I’d only glanced at before. I made two piles， one for the genuine ones written by mothers， the other for forgeries. The second was the larger pile， with writing that ranged from imaginative to 2）lunatic.
I was having an 3）epiphany.
Isn’t it remarkable， I thought， how the students whined and said it was hard putting 200 words together on any subject？ But when they forged excuse notes， they were brilliant. The notes I had could be turned into an 4）anthology of Great American Excuses. They were samples of talent never mentioned in song， story or study.
How could I have ignored this treasure trove， these gems of fiction and fantasy？ Here was American high school writing at its best—raw， real， urgent， 5）lucid， brief， and lying. I read：
？ The stove caught fire and the wallpaper went up and the fire department kept us out of the house all night.
？ Arnold was getting off the train and the door closed on his school bag and the train took it away. He yelled to the conductor who said very 6）vulgar things as the train drove away.
？ His sister’s dog ate his homework and I hope it chokes him.
？ We were 7）evicted from our apartment and the mean sheriff said if my son kept yelling for his notebook he’d have us all arrested.
The writers of these notes didn’t realize that honest excuse notes were usually dull：“Peter was late because the alarm clock didn’t go off.” One day I typed out a dozen excuse notes and distributed them to my senior classes. The students read them silently， intently. “Mr. McCourt， who wrote these？”asked one boy.
“You did，” I said. “I omitted names to protect the guilty. They’re supposed to be written by parents， but you and I know the real authors. Yes， Mikey？”
“So what are we supposed to do？”
“This is the first class to study the art of the excuse note—the first class， ever， to practice writing them. You’re so lucky to have a teacher like me who has taken your best writing and turned it into a subject worthy of study.”
Everyone smiled as I went on， “You didn’t settle for the old alarm clock story. You used your imaginations. One day you might be writing excuses for your own children when they’re late or absent or up to some devilment. So try it now. Imagine you have a 15-year-old who needs an excuse for falling behind in English.8）Let it rip.”
The students produced a 9）rhapsody of excuses， ranging from a 16-wheeler crashing into a house to a severe case of food poisoning blamed on the school cafeteria. They said， “More， more. Can we do more？”
So I said， “I’d like you to write—” And I finished， “‘An Excuse Note from Adam to God’or ‘An Excuse Note from Eve to God.’” Heads went down. Pens raced across paper.
Before long， the bell rang. For the first time ever， I saw students so immersed in their writing they had to be urged to go to lunch by their friends： “Yo， Lenny. Come on. Finish it later.”
Next day everyone had excuse notes， not only from Adam and Eve but from God and 10）Lucifer. One girl defended the seduction of Adam on the grounds that Eve was tired of lying around Paradise doing nothing， day in and day out. She was also tired of God sticking his nose into their business.
Heated discussions followed about the relative guilt and sinfulness of Adam and Eve. No one said anything negative about God， though there were hints. He could have been more understanding of the plight of the first man and woman， said someone.
I asked the class to think about anyone in history who could use a good excuse note. I wrote suggestions on the board： Eva Braun， Hitler’s girlfriend. Julius and Ethel Rosenberg， executed for treason. Judas. Attila the Hun. 11）Lee Harvey Oswald. 12）Al Capone.
“Yo， Mr. McCourt， could you put teachers up there？” said a student. And then I heard， “Mr. McCourt， the principal is at the door.”
My heart sank as the principal entered， along with the 13）superintendent of schools. Neither acknowledged me. They walked up and down， peering at papers. The superintendent picked one up， showed it to the principal.
The superintendent frowned. The principal pursed his lips. On their way out， the principal said the superintendent would like to see me.
Here it comes， I thought. The reckoning. The principal was sitting at his desk； the superintendent was standing. “Come in，” said the superintendent.“I just want to tell you that that lesson， that project， whatever the hell you were doing， was 14）topnotch. Those kids were writing on the college level.”
He turned to the principal and said， “That kid writing an excuse note for Judas. Brilliant. I just want to shake your hand，” he said， turning back to me. “There might be a letter in your file attesting to your energetic and imaginative teaching. Thank you.”
God in heaven. High praise from an important person. Should I dance down the hallway， or lift and fly？ Next day in class， I just started singing.
The kids laughed. They said， “Man， school should be like this every day， us writing excuse notes and teachers singing all of a sudden.” Sooner or later， I figured， everyone needed an excuse. Also， if we sang today we could sing tomorrow， and why not？ You don’t need an excuse for singing.
那是我在纽约史坦顿岛的拉尔夫·麦基职业学校教授创意写作的第三年。当时，我的一个学生——16岁的米奇，交给我一张他母亲写的假条，上面解释了他在之前一天旷课的原因：
“尊敬的麦考特先生，米奇那80岁高龄的祖母因为喝了太多咖啡从楼梯上摔了下来，我让米奇待在家里照顾她以及他年幼的妹妹，这样我才能去轮渡码头上班。请原谅米奇，以后他会尽力保证出勤的。又及：他祖母并无大碍。”
我看见米奇趴在自己的课桌上写这张假条，为了掩饰笔迹，他是用左手来写的。我一声不吭。在那个时候，我收到的大部分家长假条都是学生们自己写的。自学会了写字以来，他们就一直编着理由写假条，要是我找每位造假者对质，那我一天24小时都忙不过来。
我把米奇的假条扔进了抽屉，和其他数十张假条放在一起。在我带的班级考试时，我决定把之前匆匆瞄过的所有假条拿出来读一读。我把它们分成了两堆，一堆是母亲们写的情况属实的假条，另一堆是造假者写的假条。第二堆比较多，写作风格多种多样，从虚幻到荒诞。
我突然觉得灵光一闪。
这不是很了不起吗？我想，无论什么主题，学生们都抱怨说难以凑足200字的作文，可当他们编造借口写假条时，可真是太有才了。我手里的假条都可以编成一本《美国精彩借口》文选了。这些都是在歌曲、故事或者论文中从未提及过的天赋范例。
我怎么会忽略了这个宝藏，这些虚构和幻想的瑰宝呢？这是美国中学写作的最高境界——原始、真实、急切、清晰、简明、谎话连篇。我读道：
·炉子起火了，壁纸烧着了，消防队整夜不让我们回家。
·阿诺德正在下火车，车门却把他的书包夹住，火车带着书包开走了。他冲着列车长大喊，火车开走了，那人还骂骂咧咧说着极其粗俗的话。
·他妹妹的狗把他的家庭作业吃掉了，我希望把它噎着。
·我们被赶出了公寓，那个刻薄的司法官说要是我儿子继续为他的笔记本大吼大叫，他就将我们全部抓起来。
这些假条的作者没想到诚实的假条通常很沉闷：“彼得迟到是因为闹钟没响。”
有一天，我将十几个假条打印出来，然后发给高年级学生。学生们一言不发，专心致志地读了起来。“麦考特先生，这些都是谁写的？”有位男生问道。 “你们写的，”我说。“我把名字去掉了，免得你们内疚。这些本来应该由家长写的，不过你我都知道真正的作者是谁。对不对，米奇？”
“那么，我们应该要干什么呢？”
“这是研究借口假条艺术的第一课——史上第一课，练习写借口假条。你们很幸运，有我这样的老师将你们最好的作品当做课题来研究。”
我继续说话，这时大家都笑了。“你们没有满足于用闹钟没响这样的老掉牙借口来说事。你们运用了自己的想象力。有一天，你们或许会因自己孩子迟到、旷课或者调皮捣蛋而替他们写假条。所以现在就来试试。假设你有个15岁的孩子要找借口解释为什么英语课没跟上。动手写吧。”
学生们创作了一支借口狂想曲，内容从一辆16轮大货车撞进了一所房子，到由于学校餐厅导致严重食物中毒都有。他们说：“再多点，再多点。我们能不能再写多点？”
于是我说：“我想让你们写——”接着把话说完，“‘亚当给上帝的假条’或者‘夏娃给上帝的假条。’”大家的脑袋低了下去，开始奋笔疾书。
没过多久，下课铃响了。第一次，我发现学生们写得如此投入，得要同伴催着去吃午饭：“唷，兰尼。得了。回来再写啦。”
第二天，每个人都有假条，不仅有来自亚当和夏娃的，也有来自上帝和撒旦路西法的。有个女生为夏娃诱惑亚当辩解，说是因为夏娃厌倦了在天堂里无所事事，日日如是。她也厌倦了上帝多管闲事。
接下来大家就亚当和夏娃的相关罪行和罪性展开了激烈讨论。没有人说上帝的不是，虽然有些许暗示。有人说，祂本应该多多谅解第一个男人和女人的处境。
我让学生思考一下历史上可以找充分借口的人。我在黑板上写下一些作为提示：希特勒的女友伊娃·布劳恩。因叛国罪而处死的朱利叶斯和埃塞尔·罗森堡夫妇。犹大。匈奴王阿提拉。李·哈维·奥斯瓦尔德。艾尔·卡彭。
“唷，麦考特先生，您能把老师们也放上去吗？”有位学生说。
然后，我听到有人说，“麦考特先生，校长在门口。”
校长走了进来，我心一沉，同行的还有督学。两人都没理我。他们来回走动，盯着学生们的文章。督学拿起一张，递给校长看。
督学皱起眉头。校长紧闭双唇。在他们出去的时候，校长说督学想见我。
算帐的来了，我想。校长坐在自己桌子旁；督学站着。“进来，”督学说道。“我就是想告诉你，这节课，这个活动，不管你到底在捣腾什么，精彩极了。那些孩子的写作水平已经达到了大学级别了。”
他转身对校长说：“为犹大写借口假条的那个孩子，太有才了。我就是想和你握手，”他说着，转向我。“可能我会写封信收进你的档案，以证明你的教学生动而且充满想象力。谢谢你。”
我的神啊。大人物的高度评价。我是不是应该在大厅跳个舞，或者飘飘然一番？不过第二天上课时，我只是开始唱歌而已。
孩子们笑了。他们说：“老大，学校每天都应该像这样，我们写借口假条，老师们突然间唱起歌来。”我想，每个人迟早都需要借口。还有，如果我们今天唱歌，那么我们明天也可以唱，为什么不呢？唱歌又不需要借口。
“Dear Mr. McCort， Mikey’s grandmother who is eighty years of age fell down the stairs from too much coffee and I kept Mikey at home to take care of her and his baby sister so I could go to my job at the ferry 1）terminal. Please excuse Mikey and he’ll do his best in the future. P.S. His grandmother is ok.”
I had seen Mikey writing the note at his desk， using his left hand to disguise his handwriting. I said nothing. Most parentalexcuse notes I received back in those days were penned by my students. They’d been forging excuse notes since they learned to write， and if I were to confront each forger I’d be busy 24 hours a day.
I threw Mikey’s note into a desk drawer along with dozens of other notes. While my classes took a test， I decided to read all the notes I’d only glanced at before. I made two piles， one for the genuine ones written by mothers， the other for forgeries. The second was the larger pile， with writing that ranged from imaginative to 2）lunatic.
I was having an 3）epiphany.
Isn’t it remarkable， I thought， how the students whined and said it was hard putting 200 words together on any subject？ But when they forged excuse notes， they were brilliant. The notes I had could be turned into an 4）anthology of Great American Excuses. They were samples of talent never mentioned in song， story or study.
How could I have ignored this treasure trove， these gems of fiction and fantasy？ Here was American high school writing at its best—raw， real， urgent， 5）lucid， brief， and lying. I read：
？ The stove caught fire and the wallpaper went up and the fire department kept us out of the house all night.
？ Arnold was getting off the train and the door closed on his school bag and the train took it away. He yelled to the conductor who said very 6）vulgar things as the train drove away.
？ His sister’s dog ate his homework and I hope it chokes him.
？ We were 7）evicted from our apartment and the mean sheriff said if my son kept yelling for his notebook he’d have us all arrested.
The writers of these notes didn’t realize that honest excuse notes were usually dull：“Peter was late because the alarm clock didn’t go off.” One day I typed out a dozen excuse notes and distributed them to my senior classes. The students read them silently， intently. “Mr. McCourt， who wrote these？”asked one boy.
“You did，” I said. “I omitted names to protect the guilty. They’re supposed to be written by parents， but you and I know the real authors. Yes， Mikey？”
“So what are we supposed to do？”
“This is the first class to study the art of the excuse note—the first class， ever， to practice writing them. You’re so lucky to have a teacher like me who has taken your best writing and turned it into a subject worthy of study.”
Everyone smiled as I went on， “You didn’t settle for the old alarm clock story. You used your imaginations. One day you might be writing excuses for your own children when they’re late or absent or up to some devilment. So try it now. Imagine you have a 15-year-old who needs an excuse for falling behind in English.8）Let it rip.”
The students produced a 9）rhapsody of excuses， ranging from a 16-wheeler crashing into a house to a severe case of food poisoning blamed on the school cafeteria. They said， “More， more. Can we do more？”
So I said， “I’d like you to write—” And I finished， “‘An Excuse Note from Adam to God’or ‘An Excuse Note from Eve to God.’” Heads went down. Pens raced across paper.
Before long， the bell rang. For the first time ever， I saw students so immersed in their writing they had to be urged to go to lunch by their friends： “Yo， Lenny. Come on. Finish it later.”
Next day everyone had excuse notes， not only from Adam and Eve but from God and 10）Lucifer. One girl defended the seduction of Adam on the grounds that Eve was tired of lying around Paradise doing nothing， day in and day out. She was also tired of God sticking his nose into their business.
Heated discussions followed about the relative guilt and sinfulness of Adam and Eve. No one said anything negative about God， though there were hints. He could have been more understanding of the plight of the first man and woman， said someone.
I asked the class to think about anyone in history who could use a good excuse note. I wrote suggestions on the board： Eva Braun， Hitler’s girlfriend. Julius and Ethel Rosenberg， executed for treason. Judas. Attila the Hun. 11）Lee Harvey Oswald. 12）Al Capone.
“Yo， Mr. McCourt， could you put teachers up there？” said a student. And then I heard， “Mr. McCourt， the principal is at the door.”
My heart sank as the principal entered， along with the 13）superintendent of schools. Neither acknowledged me. They walked up and down， peering at papers. The superintendent picked one up， showed it to the principal.
The superintendent frowned. The principal pursed his lips. On their way out， the principal said the superintendent would like to see me.
Here it comes， I thought. The reckoning. The principal was sitting at his desk； the superintendent was standing. “Come in，” said the superintendent.“I just want to tell you that that lesson， that project， whatever the hell you were doing， was 14）topnotch. Those kids were writing on the college level.”
He turned to the principal and said， “That kid writing an excuse note for Judas. Brilliant. I just want to shake your hand，” he said， turning back to me. “There might be a letter in your file attesting to your energetic and imaginative teaching. Thank you.”
God in heaven. High praise from an important person. Should I dance down the hallway， or lift and fly？ Next day in class， I just started singing.
The kids laughed. They said， “Man， school should be like this every day， us writing excuse notes and teachers singing all of a sudden.” Sooner or later， I figured， everyone needed an excuse. Also， if we sang today we could sing tomorrow， and why not？ You don’t need an excuse for singing.
那是我在纽约史坦顿岛的拉尔夫·麦基职业学校教授创意写作的第三年。当时，我的一个学生——16岁的米奇，交给我一张他母亲写的假条，上面解释了他在之前一天旷课的原因：
“尊敬的麦考特先生，米奇那80岁高龄的祖母因为喝了太多咖啡从楼梯上摔了下来，我让米奇待在家里照顾她以及他年幼的妹妹，这样我才能去轮渡码头上班。请原谅米奇，以后他会尽力保证出勤的。又及：他祖母并无大碍。”
我看见米奇趴在自己的课桌上写这张假条，为了掩饰笔迹，他是用左手来写的。我一声不吭。在那个时候，我收到的大部分家长假条都是学生们自己写的。自学会了写字以来，他们就一直编着理由写假条，要是我找每位造假者对质，那我一天24小时都忙不过来。
我把米奇的假条扔进了抽屉，和其他数十张假条放在一起。在我带的班级考试时，我决定把之前匆匆瞄过的所有假条拿出来读一读。我把它们分成了两堆，一堆是母亲们写的情况属实的假条，另一堆是造假者写的假条。第二堆比较多，写作风格多种多样，从虚幻到荒诞。
我突然觉得灵光一闪。
这不是很了不起吗？我想，无论什么主题，学生们都抱怨说难以凑足200字的作文，可当他们编造借口写假条时，可真是太有才了。我手里的假条都可以编成一本《美国精彩借口》文选了。这些都是在歌曲、故事或者论文中从未提及过的天赋范例。
我怎么会忽略了这个宝藏，这些虚构和幻想的瑰宝呢？这是美国中学写作的最高境界——原始、真实、急切、清晰、简明、谎话连篇。我读道：
·炉子起火了，壁纸烧着了，消防队整夜不让我们回家。
·阿诺德正在下火车，车门却把他的书包夹住，火车带着书包开走了。他冲着列车长大喊，火车开走了，那人还骂骂咧咧说着极其粗俗的话。
·他妹妹的狗把他的家庭作业吃掉了，我希望把它噎着。
·我们被赶出了公寓，那个刻薄的司法官说要是我儿子继续为他的笔记本大吼大叫，他就将我们全部抓起来。
这些假条的作者没想到诚实的假条通常很沉闷：“彼得迟到是因为闹钟没响。”
有一天，我将十几个假条打印出来，然后发给高年级学生。学生们一言不发，专心致志地读了起来。“麦考特先生，这些都是谁写的？”有位男生问道。 “你们写的，”我说。“我把名字去掉了，免得你们内疚。这些本来应该由家长写的，不过你我都知道真正的作者是谁。对不对，米奇？”
“那么，我们应该要干什么呢？”
“这是研究借口假条艺术的第一课——史上第一课，练习写借口假条。你们很幸运，有我这样的老师将你们最好的作品当做课题来研究。”
我继续说话，这时大家都笑了。“你们没有满足于用闹钟没响这样的老掉牙借口来说事。你们运用了自己的想象力。有一天，你们或许会因自己孩子迟到、旷课或者调皮捣蛋而替他们写假条。所以现在就来试试。假设你有个15岁的孩子要找借口解释为什么英语课没跟上。动手写吧。”
学生们创作了一支借口狂想曲，内容从一辆16轮大货车撞进了一所房子，到由于学校餐厅导致严重食物中毒都有。他们说：“再多点，再多点。我们能不能再写多点？”
于是我说：“我想让你们写——”接着把话说完，“‘亚当给上帝的假条’或者‘夏娃给上帝的假条。’”大家的脑袋低了下去，开始奋笔疾书。
没过多久，下课铃响了。第一次，我发现学生们写得如此投入，得要同伴催着去吃午饭：“唷，兰尼。得了。回来再写啦。”
第二天，每个人都有假条，不仅有来自亚当和夏娃的，也有来自上帝和撒旦路西法的。有个女生为夏娃诱惑亚当辩解，说是因为夏娃厌倦了在天堂里无所事事，日日如是。她也厌倦了上帝多管闲事。
接下来大家就亚当和夏娃的相关罪行和罪性展开了激烈讨论。没有人说上帝的不是，虽然有些许暗示。有人说，祂本应该多多谅解第一个男人和女人的处境。
我让学生思考一下历史上可以找充分借口的人。我在黑板上写下一些作为提示：希特勒的女友伊娃·布劳恩。因叛国罪而处死的朱利叶斯和埃塞尔·罗森堡夫妇。犹大。匈奴王阿提拉。李·哈维·奥斯瓦尔德。艾尔·卡彭。
“唷，麦考特先生，您能把老师们也放上去吗？”有位学生说。
然后，我听到有人说，“麦考特先生，校长在门口。”
校长走了进来，我心一沉，同行的还有督学。两人都没理我。他们来回走动，盯着学生们的文章。督学拿起一张，递给校长看。
督学皱起眉头。校长紧闭双唇。在他们出去的时候，校长说督学想见我。
算帐的来了，我想。校长坐在自己桌子旁；督学站着。“进来，”督学说道。“我就是想告诉你，这节课，这个活动，不管你到底在捣腾什么，精彩极了。那些孩子的写作水平已经达到了大学级别了。”
他转身对校长说：“为犹大写借口假条的那个孩子，太有才了。我就是想和你握手，”他说着，转向我。“可能我会写封信收进你的档案，以证明你的教学生动而且充满想象力。谢谢你。”
我的神啊。大人物的高度评价。我是不是应该在大厅跳个舞，或者飘飘然一番？不过第二天上课时，我只是开始唱歌而已。
孩子们笑了。他们说：“老大，学校每天都应该像这样，我们写借口假条，老师们突然间唱起歌来。”我想，每个人迟早都需要借口。还有，如果我们今天唱歌，那么我们明天也可以唱，为什么不呢？唱歌又不需要借口。