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往回数,让我觉得跟写作有点关系的事,应该是高二时的神经衰弱。那时候心悸,一到下午四五点钟就莫名其妙地恐惧,看到夕阳就如履薄冰,神经绷过了头,失去了回复的弹性,就衰弱了。完全陷入了糟糕的精神状态中,没法跟同学合群。那种自绝于人民的孤独和恐惧长久地支配我,睡不着觉,整天胡思乱想,恍恍惚惚的,经常产生幻灭感,写日记成了发泄孤独和恐惧的唯一方式。从高二开始,一直到一九九七年真正开始写小说,
The number of backs, let me think a little relationship with writing things, should be the sophomore neurasthenia. At that time, heart palpitations, one in the afternoon four or five o’clock on the inexplicable fear, see the sunset on the thin ice, nerves over the head, lost the flexibility to reply, weakened. Completely into a bad state of mind, unable to gregarious with classmates. The kind of loneliness and fear that endures from the people dominates me for a long time. It can not sleep, all day long, unconsciousness, disillusionment often. Diary writing becomes the only way to release loneliness and fear. From the sophomore year, until 1997 really began to write novels,