Writing Practice

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  假如你是李华,你的好朋友林培昨天没跟你说话。他皱着眉头,一个人陷入沉思,放学后抛下你一个人匆匆离去。你很担心他,希望知道他发生了什么事,是否需要你的帮助。作为好朋友,你愿意与他分担一切。
  请结合上面所提供的信息,用英语写一篇字数为120左右的书信,开头和结尾已写好。
  Dear Lin Pei,
   Yours faithfully,
  Li Hua
  
  【思路点拨】
  1. 确定体裁、时态、人称及写作特点。本篇习作属书信体裁,一般用第一人称。作文的时态要视具体情况而定,讲述过去的事情用一般过去时,表达现在的心情和愿望用一般现在时,书信体裁的语言要尽量使用日常交际用语,给人真实可信的感受,避免使用华丽的辞藻和夸张的写作手法。
  2. 细读写作要求,构思写作提纲。
  第一段:写信的原因及你观察到的林培的情况;
  第二段:表示关心,希望知道发生了什么事情,对发生的情况可进行猜测;
  第三段:主动提出作为朋友,你愿意提供帮助。
  3. 参考词汇:frown one’s eyebrowns, leave behind, be concerned about, share happiness and sorrow.
  4. 完成初级表达,在已确定的参考词汇的基础上连词成句,完成初级表达。
  5. 完善表达,修改文章。按照提纲基本构造好文章后,我们要通读全文,检查是否存在语法或拼写错误,并恰当地使用连接词,使文章更有连贯性。
  
  【学生习作】
  Dear Lin Pei,
  You didn’t speak to me yesterday. I noticed that you sat there, frowned your eyebrows and lost in thought alone for a whole day. After school, you went home hurriedly, and left me behind. It is different from the past when we went to school and came back together happily.
  So what’s wrong with you? I’m very concerned about you. Would you like to tell me what happened to you? Was your mum sick again, or did I do anything wrong to you?
  I missed the days we spent together happily. An English saying goes, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Therefore, please tell me what happened to you and I would like to share happiness and sorrow with you.
  Best wishes
   Yours faithfully,
  Li Hua
  【习作点评】
  本篇习作层次分明,基本上完成了任务,但还存在一些不足。比如文章的第一句话显得有些突兀,如改正为I don’t know why you didn’t speak to me yesterday,说出写信的原因更容易让读者接受。第二句存在一个错误,将be lost in thought改成伴随状语就显得句子更灵活——I noticed that you sat there and frownes your eyebows, lost in thought alone for a whole day。第三句话改成After school, you went home hurriedly, leaving me behind。把and left me behind变成结果状语,句子就显得不那么单调了。此外第三句和第四句可以连接成一个复合句,只需把it改成which, 句号改成逗号。最后一段的第二句话应在句首加上as,即改成As an English saying goes, a friend in need is a friend indeed。
  
  【范文展示】
  Dear Lin Pei,
  I don’t know why you didn’t speak to me yesterday. I noticed that you sat there alone and frowned your eyebrows, lost in thought for a whole day. After school, you went home hurriedly, leaving me behind, which is different from the past when we went to school and came back together happily.
  So what’s wrong with you? I’m very concerned about you. Would you like to tell me what happened to you? Was your mum sick again, or did I do anything wrong to you?
  I missed the happy days we spent together. As an English saying goes, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Therefore, please tell me what happened to you and I would like to share happiness and sorrow with you.
  Best wishes
   Yours faithfully,
  Li Hua
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