昌耀的辞世令我异样的平静,这平静使我自觉有些接近冷漠。该发生的终于发生了。我是较早知道昌耀病情的人,也是他在病榻上挂念过的人。青海的朋友在电话里说“你能不能过来陪他几天?”我说“不必了”。我是绝不会去目睹他临终前的痛苦面容的,而愿意永久地保留他给我的印象——昌耀独有的羞涩与庄严。我和昌耀一共只见过三次面,平时基本没有书信,偶尔有过一两次电话,将近二十年来,相忘于江湖。第 The death of Chang Yao made me feel strange and calm. This calm made me feel somewhat apathetic. This happened finally. I was one who knew Chang Yao’s condition earlier and was the man whom he had missed on his sick bed. Qinghai friends on the phone said “Can you come with him a few days? ” I said “do not need ”. I will never go to see his painful face before his death, but will always retain the impression he gave me - Changyao’s unique shyness and dignity. I and Chang Yao had seen only three times in total, and there was basically no correspondence at all. Occasionally, I had one or two telephone inquiries. For nearly two decades, I forgot my heart. No.