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Last Saturday evening I went home as usual. After I had supper with my family,we sat in the yard enjoying the cool summer winter wind. We talked about the things that happened during the whole week. Suddenly I remembered that my trousers had come apart at the seams. So I brought out and said to my mother, “Mum, can you help me mend my broken trousers?” My mother looked at me for a while, then turned back and went on chatting with others, saying, “You are not a child any more. Why don’t you try to do it by yourself?” “I want to, but I cannot manage it myself!” “So you must try to do it yourself.”
I said nothing for a while, then I took out a needle and some thread. At the moment I had made up my mind to sew it on my own. But when I tried to do so, I pricked my finger and made it bleed. I let out a cry of pain.
My mother came around in a hurry, holding my hand and rubbing it with care. She said to me, “Darling, you have already grown up, please remember that in your future life you must depend on yourself. Do not trust anyone else at any time, including your parents and your friends. You know the only one that will never betray you is yourself. You must get into the habit of doing it yourself from now on. Otherwise you would not survive in case you have no one to help you.
I was so excited that I could not keep backtears. I knew my mother told me the truth of life. I said to my mother with a smile, “Thank you, Mum. I understand that. I will try tosew it once more, please teach me how, OK?”
My mother smiled, and her smile filled me with confidence.
(指导老师尹继友)
评点: 习作者讲述了发生在日常生活中的一件小事,语言较为规范,流畅,显示了作者扎实的语言功底｡全文层次清晰,没有受母语影响而常见于其他同学英语习作中的汉式英语(Chinglish )表达｡不足之处:1) 个别句子稍嫌生硬｡例如:You have grown up now.就不如改为You are not a child any more.更地道些; I said nothingfora while, then ... 则宜改为I said nothing. After a while ...;2?雪 一些词语的使用尚欠推敲｡例如首段We sat in the yard ... 句中, 应将sat换成were为佳; Do not trust ... 句中trust宜为count on 或depend on之误｡3) 英语写作特别重视语言精简洗练｡如开头三句即可概括为一句: Last Saturday evening we were in the yard after supper enjoying the cool summer wind, and talked about ... 在这方面作者今后还需下功夫｡最后一句作总结,语义表达十分清楚｡习作中用了像then, otherwise, Darling, however等高级词汇以及状语从句, 并列句等高级语法项目｡尽管习作还有几处欠妥,但总的说来,这是一篇颇不错的习作｡
I said nothing for a while, then I took out a needle and some thread. At the moment I had made up my mind to sew it on my own. But when I tried to do so, I pricked my finger and made it bleed. I let out a cry of pain.
My mother came around in a hurry, holding my hand and rubbing it with care. She said to me, “Darling, you have already grown up, please remember that in your future life you must depend on yourself. Do not trust anyone else at any time, including your parents and your friends. You know the only one that will never betray you is yourself. You must get into the habit of doing it yourself from now on. Otherwise you would not survive in case you have no one to help you.
I was so excited that I could not keep backtears. I knew my mother told me the truth of life. I said to my mother with a smile, “Thank you, Mum. I understand that. I will try tosew it once more, please teach me how, OK?”
My mother smiled, and her smile filled me with confidence.
(指导老师尹继友)
评点: 习作者讲述了发生在日常生活中的一件小事,语言较为规范,流畅,显示了作者扎实的语言功底｡全文层次清晰,没有受母语影响而常见于其他同学英语习作中的汉式英语(Chinglish )表达｡不足之处:1) 个别句子稍嫌生硬｡例如:You have grown up now.就不如改为You are not a child any more.更地道些; I said nothingfora while, then ... 则宜改为I said nothing. After a while ...;2?雪 一些词语的使用尚欠推敲｡例如首段We sat in the yard ... 句中, 应将sat换成were为佳; Do not trust ... 句中trust宜为count on 或depend on之误｡3) 英语写作特别重视语言精简洗练｡如开头三句即可概括为一句: Last Saturday evening we were in the yard after supper enjoying the cool summer wind, and talked about ... 在这方面作者今后还需下功夫｡最后一句作总结,语义表达十分清楚｡习作中用了像then, otherwise, Darling, however等高级词汇以及状语从句, 并列句等高级语法项目｡尽管习作还有几处欠妥,但总的说来,这是一篇颇不错的习作｡