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Do you have a boyfriend yet, Paula?” I roll my eyes and shake my head just thinking of the many times someone has asked me that question. In our culture today, this is a fairly 1)justifiable question to ask an 18-year-old girl. However, this 18-year-old does not have a standard response. I say, “No, I don’t need one.” Most girls would say this just after a 2)devastating breakup, and they say it 3)bitterly because they don’t want to discuss it. Neither is true for me. When I say it it’s because at this point in my life I truly don’t need one.
I don’t see the point in having countless boyfriends before finally settling down with Mr. Right. This system of finding a mate is similar to the concept of going to a pond and kissing frog after frog, hoping that one of them will turn into a prince. I find the concept of dating foolish, and so I am going to practice 4)courtship.
Courting simply means that you don’t get into a serious relationship with the opposite sex until you are certain that this is the person you will marry. This method would be like waiting for the frogs to turn themselves into princes and then kissing the prince. Until then, going out with groups of friends is the best way to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Until I read the book I Kissed Dating Good-bye by 5)Joshua Harris, I was fairly neutral on this subject because I wasn’t interested in having a romantic relationship. Since reading this book, however, I am thoroughly convinced that courtship is the wisest and most godly way to find a husband or wife.
One of the biggest problems with conventional dating is the emotional 6)roller coaster it creates. Well, perhaps a more accurate analogy would be a 7)demolition derby. When you invest so much of your time, money, and energy into someone without a serious commitment to speak of, your heart is bound to get 8)shattered. Many young people today get very intimate in their relationships, but what they fail to realize is that intimacy doesn’t mean commitment.
Another fault with dating is that it skips the neutral friendship stage of the relationship. By doing this, you not only miss out on a great friendship, but you never really get to know the person for who they are. A dating couple tends to show only the best sides of themselves, so you never really get to know someone for who they truly are. In a friendship, you often get to see both the good and the bad of a person, and there is nothing to lose if the person turns out to be a 9)jerk.
True love is often a forgotten concept in American teenage culture nowadays. It is commonly understood that love means having a physical relationship with someone or feeling good when you are with that person or just thinking about that person. This “love”, 99% of the time, is really a selfish love, which isn’t love at all. Selfish love is an 10)oxymoron. The entire concept of love is about forgetting yourself and your needs and wants to be concerned about someone else. In a dating relationship, much of the focus is on how much fun you had or how you felt while with that person. This is certainly not love. Love is not about feelings. Love is not about you. Love is sacrificing your own desires so that the other person can have the best.
One thing that I’ve decided to do in my life is to guard my heart. I have seen too many of my friends open up their heart to a guy only to have their hearts broken. I want a full, unbroken heart to offer to my husband, so I’ve decided not to even get interested in anyone unless I know he is the one God has chosen for me—that is if He even wants me to marry.
I would like to take this story as a sort of analogy to what guarding my heart is about:
I’m standing in a room crowded with young men. As I look around, I’m tempted to pick out which one should be my husband. I force my eyes closed and 11)blindfolded so that I cannot look. I must resist the temptation to peek or else I will see one of the young men and think it’s him, my future husband. I must wait for him to come over to me and take my blindfold off when it’s time. I will see only him in the room. He will be all I could ever want in a husband and I will be absolutely content. This is how I must guard my heart. I just have to wait patiently for him, so that I don’t 12)set my heart on a frog instead of a prince.
交男朋友了吗,宝拉?”我翻了翻白眼,摇了摇头,心里在想都不知道有多少人问过我这问题了。在我们当今的文明里,问一个18岁的女孩这样的问题是相当正常不过的。然而,像我这样一个18岁女孩的反应却有点不太寻常。我回答说:“没,我不需要男朋友。”许多饱受情伤且刚分手的女孩会这么说,而且语带怨怒,因为她们不想多说。我不是这种女孩。我之所以那样回答是因为在我生命的这个阶段我真的不需要男朋友。
我无法理解那种不断交男友直至找到“真命天子”的做法意义何在。这种觅偶方式无异于到池塘边一只接一只地亲吻青蛙,并寄希望于当中的某只会变成王子。我认为约会拍拖是种很笨的做法,所以我会选择“一击即中”的求偶方式。
所谓“一击即中”式求偶就是在确认对方就是你要嫁娶的人之前不和异性来真的。这种方式就像等待青蛙自己变成王子,然后再去亲吻王子。在那之前,和一群朋友结伴同玩是找到“真命天子”或“真命天女”的最好方式。
在读约书亚·哈里斯的《不再约会》之前,我在这个问题上的立场一直比较中立,因为我对恋爱没有多大兴趣。但自从读了这本书以后,我完全信服“一击即中”式求偶就是寻得另一半的最明智最诚恳的做法。
常规的拍拖模式的最大问题之一就是让人坐上“情感过山车”,情绪变得起起落落。不,更确切的比喻应该是约会就像“撞车大赛”。当你把大量的时间、金钱和精力投入到一个不会对你有任何郑重承诺的人身上时,你就注定会心碎。时下很多年轻人谈恋爱往往轻易就发展亲密关系,但他们并没有意识到肌肤的亲密接触并不等同于心灵的爱情承诺。
约会还有一个盲点就是这种方式跳过了普通朋友的阶段。失去这个阶段,你不止错过了一段美好的友谊,还让你无法真正了解和你约会的人。约会中的男女趋于向对方展示出自己最好的一面,因此你没有机会了解对方到底是个什么样的人。如果只是普通朋友,你通常可以了解到对方的优缺点,即使最后发现对方是个混球也没什么损失。
在今天美国青少年的字典里已经没有“真爱”这个词了。爱情已被泛化为一段身体关系或彼此相处、思念时的一种好感。这种“爱”,99%是一种自私的爱,完全说不上是一种爱。“自私的爱”本身就是自相矛盾的。爱的真谛是忘掉自我、忘掉自身的欲求而全心全意为对方着想。约会中的男女,更多的是关注约会中获得的乐趣以及和对方相处时的感觉。这当然不能称之为爱。爱不在于感觉如何。爱不在于自我关注。爱是牺牲自己成全他人。
我为我的人生作了一个决定——保全我的心。我已亲见我的众多朋友为他人倾注全心却心碎收场。我要为我的丈夫保留一颗完完整整、没有受伤的心,所以我甚至决定我不会对任何人感兴趣,除非我知道那就是我的“真命天子”——也就是上帝让我嫁许的那个人。
我会用以下这个故事作为比喻来阐述何为“保全我的心”:
我站在一个房间里被一群年轻男士围绕着。我环顾四周,忍不住想从中选出夫婿。我强迫自己闭上眼,蒙住双眼,以确保我看不见他们。我必须抵挡住偷看的诱惑,否则我会以为我所见的人就是我未来的丈夫。我必须等待他适时前来,摘下我的眼罩。这样,在那间房里,我的眼里只有他。他就是我的理想丈夫,而我也心满意足。这就是我所说的“保全我的心”。我只需要耐心地等待他的到来,那我的心所倾注在的也将会是一个王子而不是一只青蛙。
I don’t see the point in having countless boyfriends before finally settling down with Mr. Right. This system of finding a mate is similar to the concept of going to a pond and kissing frog after frog, hoping that one of them will turn into a prince. I find the concept of dating foolish, and so I am going to practice 4)courtship.
Courting simply means that you don’t get into a serious relationship with the opposite sex until you are certain that this is the person you will marry. This method would be like waiting for the frogs to turn themselves into princes and then kissing the prince. Until then, going out with groups of friends is the best way to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Until I read the book I Kissed Dating Good-bye by 5)Joshua Harris, I was fairly neutral on this subject because I wasn’t interested in having a romantic relationship. Since reading this book, however, I am thoroughly convinced that courtship is the wisest and most godly way to find a husband or wife.
One of the biggest problems with conventional dating is the emotional 6)roller coaster it creates. Well, perhaps a more accurate analogy would be a 7)demolition derby. When you invest so much of your time, money, and energy into someone without a serious commitment to speak of, your heart is bound to get 8)shattered. Many young people today get very intimate in their relationships, but what they fail to realize is that intimacy doesn’t mean commitment.
Another fault with dating is that it skips the neutral friendship stage of the relationship. By doing this, you not only miss out on a great friendship, but you never really get to know the person for who they are. A dating couple tends to show only the best sides of themselves, so you never really get to know someone for who they truly are. In a friendship, you often get to see both the good and the bad of a person, and there is nothing to lose if the person turns out to be a 9)jerk.
True love is often a forgotten concept in American teenage culture nowadays. It is commonly understood that love means having a physical relationship with someone or feeling good when you are with that person or just thinking about that person. This “love”, 99% of the time, is really a selfish love, which isn’t love at all. Selfish love is an 10)oxymoron. The entire concept of love is about forgetting yourself and your needs and wants to be concerned about someone else. In a dating relationship, much of the focus is on how much fun you had or how you felt while with that person. This is certainly not love. Love is not about feelings. Love is not about you. Love is sacrificing your own desires so that the other person can have the best.
One thing that I’ve decided to do in my life is to guard my heart. I have seen too many of my friends open up their heart to a guy only to have their hearts broken. I want a full, unbroken heart to offer to my husband, so I’ve decided not to even get interested in anyone unless I know he is the one God has chosen for me—that is if He even wants me to marry.
I would like to take this story as a sort of analogy to what guarding my heart is about:
I’m standing in a room crowded with young men. As I look around, I’m tempted to pick out which one should be my husband. I force my eyes closed and 11)blindfolded so that I cannot look. I must resist the temptation to peek or else I will see one of the young men and think it’s him, my future husband. I must wait for him to come over to me and take my blindfold off when it’s time. I will see only him in the room. He will be all I could ever want in a husband and I will be absolutely content. This is how I must guard my heart. I just have to wait patiently for him, so that I don’t 12)set my heart on a frog instead of a prince.
交男朋友了吗,宝拉?”我翻了翻白眼,摇了摇头,心里在想都不知道有多少人问过我这问题了。在我们当今的文明里,问一个18岁的女孩这样的问题是相当正常不过的。然而,像我这样一个18岁女孩的反应却有点不太寻常。我回答说:“没,我不需要男朋友。”许多饱受情伤且刚分手的女孩会这么说,而且语带怨怒,因为她们不想多说。我不是这种女孩。我之所以那样回答是因为在我生命的这个阶段我真的不需要男朋友。
我无法理解那种不断交男友直至找到“真命天子”的做法意义何在。这种觅偶方式无异于到池塘边一只接一只地亲吻青蛙,并寄希望于当中的某只会变成王子。我认为约会拍拖是种很笨的做法,所以我会选择“一击即中”的求偶方式。
所谓“一击即中”式求偶就是在确认对方就是你要嫁娶的人之前不和异性来真的。这种方式就像等待青蛙自己变成王子,然后再去亲吻王子。在那之前,和一群朋友结伴同玩是找到“真命天子”或“真命天女”的最好方式。
在读约书亚·哈里斯的《不再约会》之前,我在这个问题上的立场一直比较中立,因为我对恋爱没有多大兴趣。但自从读了这本书以后,我完全信服“一击即中”式求偶就是寻得另一半的最明智最诚恳的做法。
常规的拍拖模式的最大问题之一就是让人坐上“情感过山车”,情绪变得起起落落。不,更确切的比喻应该是约会就像“撞车大赛”。当你把大量的时间、金钱和精力投入到一个不会对你有任何郑重承诺的人身上时,你就注定会心碎。时下很多年轻人谈恋爱往往轻易就发展亲密关系,但他们并没有意识到肌肤的亲密接触并不等同于心灵的爱情承诺。
约会还有一个盲点就是这种方式跳过了普通朋友的阶段。失去这个阶段,你不止错过了一段美好的友谊,还让你无法真正了解和你约会的人。约会中的男女趋于向对方展示出自己最好的一面,因此你没有机会了解对方到底是个什么样的人。如果只是普通朋友,你通常可以了解到对方的优缺点,即使最后发现对方是个混球也没什么损失。
在今天美国青少年的字典里已经没有“真爱”这个词了。爱情已被泛化为一段身体关系或彼此相处、思念时的一种好感。这种“爱”,99%是一种自私的爱,完全说不上是一种爱。“自私的爱”本身就是自相矛盾的。爱的真谛是忘掉自我、忘掉自身的欲求而全心全意为对方着想。约会中的男女,更多的是关注约会中获得的乐趣以及和对方相处时的感觉。这当然不能称之为爱。爱不在于感觉如何。爱不在于自我关注。爱是牺牲自己成全他人。
我为我的人生作了一个决定——保全我的心。我已亲见我的众多朋友为他人倾注全心却心碎收场。我要为我的丈夫保留一颗完完整整、没有受伤的心,所以我甚至决定我不会对任何人感兴趣,除非我知道那就是我的“真命天子”——也就是上帝让我嫁许的那个人。
我会用以下这个故事作为比喻来阐述何为“保全我的心”:
我站在一个房间里被一群年轻男士围绕着。我环顾四周,忍不住想从中选出夫婿。我强迫自己闭上眼,蒙住双眼,以确保我看不见他们。我必须抵挡住偷看的诱惑,否则我会以为我所见的人就是我未来的丈夫。我必须等待他适时前来,摘下我的眼罩。这样,在那间房里,我的眼里只有他。他就是我的理想丈夫,而我也心满意足。这就是我所说的“保全我的心”。我只需要耐心地等待他的到来,那我的心所倾注在的也将会是一个王子而不是一只青蛙。