我今年七十岁。回顾我几十年的文学创作活动,虽然不是全无成绩,但是距离人民的要求很远,距离我自己的希望也很远。没有做出更多更好的成绩,常使我暗自惭愧,也使我有时心中痛苦和感慨。在漫长的数十年中,我在学习上走过曲折的道路,有可取的经验.也有错误的教训。我处在十分闭塞落后的故乡,少年时代常在失学之中,苦闷,悲观,只感到毫无出路,谈不到有什么人生目的。进入十九岁这年春天,我离开了一年到头烟灯昏黄,哭声与吵骂声不绝于耳的家,到了开封,寻找出路,从此结束了浑浑噩噩的少年生活,开始了有意识的学习道路,也有了自己的追求。所以我这部回忆录性质的稿子,对十八岁以前的生活只简单地交代一笔,而集中笔墨写十九岁到七十岁的学习和追求。由于不是一般生活的回忆录,所以生活上的许多经历纵然写出来会引起读者很大兴趣,我或者一笔带过,或者根本不提。我希望这部稿子发表之后,过去曾同我一起生活过的朋友或不相识的同代人如发现我对事件、时间.地点等有记忆错的地方,请写信告诉我,不胜感激。 I am seventy years old. Looking back at my decades of literary creation activities, though not without any achievements, I am far from the people’s demands and far from my own hopes. I did not make more and better results, often make me secretly ashamed, but also make me sometimes feel pain and emotion. In the long decades, I have had some adventurous experience in learning to go through the tortuous path, and I also learned wrongly. I am in a very closed hometown. When I was a teenager, I was often out of school and depressed and pessimistic. I only felt there was no way out and no purpose in life. At the age of 19, I left the year-long, dim, cynical and cursed home of the smokeless lamp at the age of nineteen. After going to Kaifeng and finding a way out, I ended my unexplained teenage life, started a conscious learning path and started myself The pursuit of Therefore, my memoir of this memoir is only a simple account of life before the age of eighteen, and concentrates on the study and pursuit of the age of nineteen to seventy. Because it is not a memoir of ordinary life, many experiences in life will be of great interest to readers. I either did it in one stroke or did not mention it at all. I hope that after the publication of this manuscript, my friend who once lived with me or an unknown acquaintance found me in a place where there was a memory error about the event, time, place, etc. Please write to me and thank you very much.