《录取通知》:敢问教育为何物

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  聪明的巴特比被所有大学拒收了,面对父母的压力,他冒出了假借哈蒙学院的名义伪造录取通知书的念头。他原本打算和几个境遇相当的朋友一起逍遥快活,谁知假学校的网站吸引了无数被其他大学拒之门外的年轻人。几个“创始人”无奈之下只好一步步地摸索,让南哈蒙慢慢走出一条特殊的办学之道……
  这部曾在CE: Teens 2006年9月号的“娱乐直播室”简单介绍过的校园喜剧给Wendy留下了很深的印象。时隔五年回头重温,赫然发现其中的理念与如今的现实情况不谋而合——美国有“虎妈”,中国有“虎爸”,还有不少家长开私塾或者家庭学校,用自己的方式应对现代教育制度的诸多弊端。敢问教育为何物,听完本期“口语角”,你是否也会有所思考呢?
  
  Cast
  Justin Long...Bartleby Gaines
  Blake Lively...Monica Moreland
  Jonah Hill...Sherman Schrader
  Adam Herschman...Glen
  Columbus Short...Daryl Holloway
  Maria Thayer...Rory Thayer
  Lewis Black...Ben Lewis
  Mark Derwin...Jack Gaines
  Ann Cusack...Diane Gaines
  Hannah Marks...Lizzie Gaines
  
  没有一所大学肯录取巴特比,他尝试向父母说明这件事……
  
  Jack: I don’t understand.
  Diane: I don’t understand, either.
  Bartleby: Okay, I figure it like this. The average cost of college is, what, $20,000 a year? Now according to these estimates[估计] that I got off the web—you can pass those around—someone with no education beyond high school can expect to make about $20,000 a year in the current job market. Now that being said, over the next four years, you could either spend $80,000, or I could make $80,000.
  Jack: Are you saying you don’t wanna go to college?
  Bartleby: No. I’m saying that it is fiscally[财政上] irresponsible[不负责任的] for me to go to college, you know?
  Diane: Are you huffing?
  Bartleby: Oh, God. No.
  Diane: Are you high?
  Jack: You’re huffing grass?!
  Bartleby: No, I’m not huffing, Mom. I’m not stoned. I’m completely fine. In fact, I’m more clear and level-
  headed[头脑冷静的] than I’ve ever been.
  Jack: Okay, cut the crap[废话少说], Bartleby. Society has rules. And the first rule is you go to college. You want to have a happy and successful life? You go to college. If you want to be somebody, you go to college. If you wanna fit in, you go to college!
  Bartleby: Well, you know what? Maybe I didn’t get into college.
  Jack: What do you mean?
  Bartleby: (quietly) I didn’t get accepted anywhere.
  Diane: Oh, Bartleby.
  Jack: Damn it!
  Diane: I knew he should’ve started preparing for
  college in junior high—like his sister.
  Jack: Now she’s got a shot.
  Lizzie: I’ve got a shot.
  Diane: She’s got a shot.
  Bartleby: Listen, guys, there are plenty of successful people who didn’t go to college. Albert Einstein, you know. Pocahontas注1 never went to college. Bono注2?
  Jack: You know, I really don’t care what Sonny Bono did or didn’t do. You’re going to college.
  
  杰克:我不明白。
  戴安娜:我也不明白。
  巴特比:好吧,我的看法是这样:大学的平均学费是……多少来着,一年两万美元?根据我从网上搜到的数据——你们传阅一下——在目前的就业市场形势下,一个只有高中学历的人每年估计能挣两万左右。也就是说,在未来的四年里,要么你们花掉八万,要么我赚到八万。
  杰克:你是说你不想上大学?
  巴特比:不,我的意思是,上大学是一种在财政上极不负责的行为,明白吗?
  戴安娜:你吸毒了?
  巴特比:哦,天啊。没有。
  戴安娜:你毒瘾发作了?
  杰克:你在抽大麻?!
  巴特比:不,我没有吸毒,妈。我也没有上瘾。我很好。事实上,我现在比任何时候都要清醒冷静。
  杰克:好了,废话少说,巴特比。社会有它的准则,第一条就是你得上大学。你想拥有幸福成功的人生吗?你得上大学。如果你想出人头地,就得上大学。如果你想融入社会,就得上大学!
  巴特比:哦,你知道么?我也许念不成大学了。
  杰克:你说什么?
  巴特比:(悄声)没有一所大学录取我。
  戴安娜:噢,巴特比。
  杰克:该死!
  戴安娜:我早就说他应该从初中开始为升学作准备——像他妹妹这样。
  杰克:她很有机会。
  莉齐:我很有机会。
  戴安娜:她很有机会。
  巴特比:你们听我说,很多成功人士都没上过大学,比如艾伯特·爱因斯坦,你们都知道。宝嘉康蒂也没上大学。还有博诺?
  杰克:你瞧,我不关心桑尼·波诺做了什么或者没做什么。但是你必须上大学。
  
  口语锦囊
  由于吸毒问题在美国年轻人当中非常普遍,相关的俚语在影视作品中常有涉及,例如“huff”在俚语中意为“吸毒”,“high”和“stoned”形容一个人喝酒或吸毒时那种飘飘然的感觉,“grass”则相当于过去的“weed”,在俚语中指大麻。
  
  注1:印第安公主宝嘉康蒂是迪士尼著名动画片《风中奇缘》(Pocahontas)的女主角。
  注2:此处巴特比指的是常被简称为“Bono”的U2乐队主唱博诺·沃克斯(Bono Vox),他爸爸则误解为著名歌手雪儿的第一任丈夫——歌手及音乐制作人萨尔瓦多·桑尼·波诺(Salvatore ”Sonny” Bono)。
  
  面对几百个乌龙“入学”的年轻人,原本想向大家坦白的巴特比突然有所触动……
  
  Bartleby: Hey…just show of hands, how many people applied to other colleges? Everybody…okay. And how many of you got in to the other places you applied to? Nobody. Nobody got in anywhere else.
  And you know what? I didn’t, either. I didn’t get into a real college—a really, really good college. I know what it’s like to be rejected. It sucks[(俚)糟糕]. Rejection blows. Being said no to: You know what? I’m sorry, you’re just not quite good enough. You didn’t have enough extracurriculars[课外活动].
  You didn’t play enough tennis. You didn’t study hard enough for your scores, so you’re not gonna make it.
  You know what? Screw that! Shouldn’t we all have the chance to be said yes to? At South Harmon, we say yes to you! We say yes to your hopes! We say yes to your dreams! We say yes to your flaws[缺点]! So welcome! Grab a room, grab a friend, grab yourself, we don’t give a shit! Welcome to South Harmon Institute of Technology! Welcome to SHIT!
  
  巴特比:嘿……举下手,多少人申请过其他学校?所有人……好的。多少人成功申请到其他学校?全都没有,没有人被别的学校录取。
  你们瞧,我的申请也失败了。我也进不了真正的学校——真正的好学校。我了解被拒绝的感受,糟透了。拒绝很打击人,他们总对你说不——你瞧,我很抱歉,你还不够优秀。你对课外活动不够积极。你的网球不够熟练。你的学习不够努力,所以你落选了。
  你们瞧,让他们都见鬼去吧!难道我们不应该被人肯定吗?在南哈蒙,我们肯定你!我们肯定你们的希望!我们肯定你们的梦想!我们肯定你们的缺点!欢迎大家!找个房间,交个朋友,捎上自己,我们不在乎!欢迎来到南哈蒙理工学院!欢迎来到SHIT!
  
  口语锦囊
  除了最常见的“将……拧紧”这个意思以外,“screw”这个动词在俚语中还可以用来表示说话人对某人或某事的极度愤怒,一般用在祈使句中,例如:
  A: No, I won’t lend you the money. (不,我不会把钱借给你。)
  B: Screw you! (你见鬼去吧!)
  另外,巴特比的这段讲话涉及到一个简单好用的演讲技巧——排比的运用。大量句式相同的语言结构可以一步步地推进话题,加强语言的感染力,大家在演讲时不妨活用这一点哦!
  
  为了让大家有事可做,巴特比前往哈蒙学院“偷师”,却发现那里的课程无聊透顶……
  
  Bartleby: I’m just saying, I mean, is that what college is?
  Ben: What were you expecting? A renaissance[复兴]
  of the human spirit? American education is in the
  shitter[(俚)厕所]. You know why? Because people forget the most important rule: College is a service industry.
  Bartleby: A service industry?
  Ben: As in “serve us,” as opposed to the other way around. Look, you see all these kids out here? They all paid to come here. They all paid for an experience.
  Bartleby: What kind of experience?
  Ben: The hell if I know. I’m not a goddamn mind reader.
  Bartleby: Maybe I should just ask them.
  Ben: Welcome to the conversation.
  
  巴特比:我是说,我的意思是,那就是所谓的大学吗?
  本:不然你以为怎样?人性的复兴吗?美国教育制度糟透了。知道为什么吗?因为人们忘记了最重要的东西:大学是服务行业。
  巴特比:服务行业?
  本:他们应该“服务大众”,而不是反过来。瞧,你看见那边的孩子们吧?他们全都花钱来这里,为的是得到一种人生经历。
  巴特比:怎样的经历?
  本:我哪知道呢。我可不会什么读心术。
  巴特比:或许我应该问问他们。
  本:终于说到点子上了。
  
  口语锦囊
  “opposed”一般都与“to”连用,表示“与……相反的,对立的”,“as opposed to”也是一个常用搭配,意思是“而不是”,例如:
  This is a book about business practice as opposed to theory. (这本书讲的是商业实务而不是商业理论。)
  
  巴特比的骗局被拆穿了,南哈蒙的最后一线希望是争取教育委员会的批准。面对大人们质疑的眼光与刁难的态度,巴特比在听证会上总结道……
  
  Bartleby: Well, we came here today to ask for your approval, and something just occurred to[被想到] me: I don’t give a shit! (laughs) Who cares about your approval? We don’t need your approval to tell us that what we did was real, ’cause there are so few truths in this world that when you see one you know it. And I know that it is a truth that real learning took place at South Harmon—whether you like it or not, it did. ’Cause you don’t need teachers or classrooms or…or fancy[花哨的]
  highbrow[文化修养高的] traditions or money to really learn. You just need people with a desire to better themselves, and we got that by the shit load at South Harmon!
  So you can go ahead, sign your forms, reject us and shoot us down[断然否定], and do whatever you gotta do. It doesn’t really matter at this point. Because we’ll never stop learning, and we’ll never stop growing, and we’ll never
  forget the ideals that were instilled in[逐步灌输] us at our place! ’Cause we are SHIT heads now, and we’ll be SHIT heads forever, and nothing you can say or do or stamp[盖章] can take that away from us! So go!
  (Students cheer. The board members come to an agreement.)
  Dr. Alexander: Mr. Gaines, your presentation was unorthodox[非正统的], to say the least; and your methodology[方法论] is questionable, at best. However, the true purpose of education is to stimulate[激发] the creativity and the passions of the student
  body, and in that regard you have certainly succeeded. This board does not reject innovation, but it must be watched
  carefully. Therefore, the South Harmon Institute of Technology will be granted a one-year probationary[试用的] period in which to continue its experimental programs. Don’t be so quick to judge us by the way WE look. Congratulations.
  
  巴特比:哦,今天我们来这里请求你们批准办学,但我突然明白了一件事:我不在乎了!(笑)谁在乎你们批不批准呢?我们不需要你们的批准来告诉我们什么才是真实,因为这个世界上真理太少了,当你发现了,自然就会明白。我知道真理就是南哈蒙可以让人接受真正的教育——不管你们喜不喜欢,这就是事实。因为真正的学习不需要老师、教室或者……花哨的文化修养传统以及金钱,只需要一群渴望自我提升的人。在南哈蒙,我们有一大帮这样的家伙!
  所以你们尽管动手吧,继续填表,拒绝我们,否定我们,悉随尊便。事到如今,没啥大不了的,因为我们的学习永无止境,我们的成长也永不止步,而且我们永远不会忘记我们的学校给我们灌输的理想!一日南哈蒙人,终生南哈蒙人。不管你们怎么说,怎么做或者盖什么章,都夺不走我们的收获!所以请便吧!
  (学生欢呼。委员会达成共识。)
  亚历山大博士:盖恩斯先生,你的陈述可以说不太正统,你采取了充其量只能算是值得商榷的方式。不过,教育的真正目的就是激发学生的创造力和激情,而在这一点上,你无疑是成功的。本委员会并不拒绝创新,但必须进行切实监督。因此,南哈蒙理工学院获准试运行一年,继续其实验性教学(以观后效)。对我们也不要马上以貌取人。祝贺你们。
  
  口语锦囊
  这个选段集合了两种截然不同的语言风格,充分体现了其说话人的身份差异——巴特比的陈述使用了极其简单的词汇和句式,基本没有正式用语,但感情饱满,语速极快,让人为之一振;亚历山大博士的发言则语速和缓,条理清晰,用语准确,句式正规,甚至还有“to say the least”(至少可以这样说)和“at best”(充其量)这样对应工整的结构。多听几遍原声,在跟读模仿中体会这两种风格的差异吧。
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