论文部分内容阅读
You’ve just said something wrong. The other person is looking at you with a red angry face， but the issue is not about what you’ve said， it’s about what they’ve heard.
当你说错话的时候。对方正怒火中烧地看着你，这类问题的关键往往不在你说了什么，而是别人听了什么。
There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas， killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends， family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it.
有些话就像致命的忍者，会抹杀别人的自信，伤害你的朋友、家人和同事--最糟糕的是可能你根本都没有意识到。
Here are 7 things you should never say to someone：
以下的7句话可千万不要对别人说：
1. “I don’t care”
“我不在乎”
What they hear： “Leave me alone. I have better things to do than listen to you.”
别人听到的却是：“别烦我。我还有比听你唠叨更重要的事要做。”
Explain why you would love to hear about that subject， and why “right now” is not the best time for you. Everybody matters. Not caring about someone is denying their existence： If people matter for you， you will matter for them.
解释一下其实你对这些很感兴趣，只是“此刻”对你来说不合时宜。每个人都很重要。如果不在乎别人就是在否定别人的存在：如果别人在乎你，那你也要在乎别人。
2. “You’re wrong”
“你错了”
What they hear： “You are stupid. You know nothing. You’re worthless.”
别人听到的却是：“你好愚蠢。根本就不懂。一点作用也没有。”
Prefer more tactful sentences. “I would have thought that…”， “My understanding is that…”
有比这更合适的话。“我认为...”，“我的理解是...”
Ask questions to make sure you and the other person are working on the same assumptions.
询问他人的意见，确保你们商讨的同一个假设。
3. “You can’t do it”
“你做不到”
What they hear： “You don’t have what it takes to do it， no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try？”
别人听到却是：“不管你付出多大的努力，都没有能力做这件事情;那还何必尝试呢？”
Why would you set someone up for failure？ I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions， and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves， but I would like to ask you： how can you judge what is good for somebody？ And what if failure was the best path for growth？
你凭着什么去断定别人的失败？我理解你只是不希望朋友抱着幻想，你觉得自己有义务在对方受伤前阻止他们，但我就要问你了：你是怎样判断哪些对他们有益呢？失败又何尝不是成长的最佳方式？
Encourage people who have chosen a challenging path.
鼓勵那些选择挑战的人吧。
Good judgement comes with experience， but experience comes from bad judgement; – Will Rogers
好的判断来自经验，而经验来自坏的判断;--威尔.罗杰斯
4. “This should be easy”
“这很简单”
What they hear： “It’s easy for most people. If you have trouble doing it， there is probably something wrong about you” 别人听到的却是：“别人都觉得简单。如果你觉得难，那就是你的问题了”
The level of difficulty is perceived differently by everyone， and everyone has their own Everest. If you’re telling somebody that their job is easy， then you’re undermining their contribution to society and you’re telling them they don’t deserve the salary they have.
每个人的短处各异，却都有自己的强项。如果你断言他人的工作如何简单，那么你在无形中就低估了别人对社会的贡献，也就表示你觉得别人不值其拥有的功劳。
If someone is struggling and coming for help， then they have trust you enough to show you their weakness. Don’t rub their face in it by saying “This should be easy”.
如果有人陷入困难向你求助，那是因为他们足够信任你才会在你面前展现脆弱的一面。不要在别人猝不及防的时候说一句“这很简单”。
Acknowledge the challenges that people encounter and value their commitment to overcome them.
要承认别人遇到的挑战，重视他人克服挑战的承诺。
5. “I told you so”
“我早就告诉过你”
What they hear： “You did not listen to me. That’s all your fault. I’m so much better than you.”
别人听到的却是：“谁让你不听我的。这都怪你。我可比你有先见之明。”
This one is a common no-no.
这是一个常见的禁忌。
It’s useless to shoot a dead horse， especially when other person needs your help more than ever. Don’t keep tabs on who’s right and who’s wrong. If it were a competition， the one keeping tabs would be the one losing.
射击一匹死马有何用，尤其是当别人比以往都需要你帮助的时候。不要执迷于谁对谁错。如果这是场比赛，在乎对错的人注定会输。
Help the other person， and don’t add insult to injury.
帮助别人，就不要再雪上加霜了。
6. “As I just said before…”
“我之前就说过...”
What they hear： “You don’t listen to me. You’re making me repeat myself. You’re so annoying and dumb”
别人听到的是。“你不听我的。老让我重复。真是烦人。”
This is a very sneaky conversation killer. If someone asks you a question and you point out that you’ve already answered it， then you’re killing their willingness to learn， or even to have a slight interest in what you say.
这绝对是对话杀手。如果有人问你问题，然后你却说早就回答过了，那么你就是在扼杀别人学习的意愿，甚至是消除对你话语的最后一丝兴趣。
Say the same thing in another way and by illustrating it differently.
换种方式表达相同的事情，这样才会有不同的效果。
Tell them what you’re going to tell them. Then， tell them. Finally， tell them what you’ve told them. – Aristotle
告诉他们你要告诉他们。然后，告诉他们。最后，告诉他们你已经告诉他们了。--亚里士多德
7. “Good luck”
“祝你好运”
What they hear： “There’s nothing you can do that will make you succeed. Only luck will. let’s hope for a once-in-a-millenium planet-alignment-like opportunity so that you can succeed.”
别人听到的却是：“对于成功你已经无能为力。只能全靠运气了。让我们期待一个大海捞针般的机会，这样你就能成功了。”
Also， it is bad luck to wish good luck. It is more common for comedians to say “Break a leg”， or “Merde！” – the French equivalent of “Shit！”. The expression comes from the fact that， during older times， successful plays would attract a lot of carriage traffic and therefore a significant amount of horse dejection. Maybe this is why people would slip and “break a leg”.
同样，只有在厄运交加时才会期待好运。更常见的是喜剧演员会说“断一条腿”，“呸！”--相当于法语中的“去屎！”这种表达源自这样一个事实，古时候，成功的戏剧会导致很多马车处于拥挤，因此产生大量马粪。也许这就是为什么人们会滑到并说“摔断了一条腿”。
Don’t attribute success to luck; celebrate the other person’s qualities instead.“Show them your guts！” “Give them something they’ll never forget！”
不要把成功歸功于运气;相反的是要称赞对方的品质。“让他们看看你的厉害！”“给他们难忘的一课！”
当你说错话的时候。对方正怒火中烧地看着你，这类问题的关键往往不在你说了什么，而是别人听了什么。
There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas， killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends， family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it.
有些话就像致命的忍者，会抹杀别人的自信，伤害你的朋友、家人和同事--最糟糕的是可能你根本都没有意识到。
Here are 7 things you should never say to someone：
以下的7句话可千万不要对别人说：
1. “I don’t care”
“我不在乎”
What they hear： “Leave me alone. I have better things to do than listen to you.”
别人听到的却是：“别烦我。我还有比听你唠叨更重要的事要做。”
Explain why you would love to hear about that subject， and why “right now” is not the best time for you. Everybody matters. Not caring about someone is denying their existence： If people matter for you， you will matter for them.
解释一下其实你对这些很感兴趣，只是“此刻”对你来说不合时宜。每个人都很重要。如果不在乎别人就是在否定别人的存在：如果别人在乎你，那你也要在乎别人。
2. “You’re wrong”
“你错了”
What they hear： “You are stupid. You know nothing. You’re worthless.”
别人听到的却是：“你好愚蠢。根本就不懂。一点作用也没有。”
Prefer more tactful sentences. “I would have thought that…”， “My understanding is that…”
有比这更合适的话。“我认为...”，“我的理解是...”
Ask questions to make sure you and the other person are working on the same assumptions.
询问他人的意见，确保你们商讨的同一个假设。
3. “You can’t do it”
“你做不到”
What they hear： “You don’t have what it takes to do it， no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try？”
别人听到却是：“不管你付出多大的努力，都没有能力做这件事情;那还何必尝试呢？”
Why would you set someone up for failure？ I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions， and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves， but I would like to ask you： how can you judge what is good for somebody？ And what if failure was the best path for growth？
你凭着什么去断定别人的失败？我理解你只是不希望朋友抱着幻想，你觉得自己有义务在对方受伤前阻止他们，但我就要问你了：你是怎样判断哪些对他们有益呢？失败又何尝不是成长的最佳方式？
Encourage people who have chosen a challenging path.
鼓勵那些选择挑战的人吧。
Good judgement comes with experience， but experience comes from bad judgement; – Will Rogers
好的判断来自经验，而经验来自坏的判断;--威尔.罗杰斯
4. “This should be easy”
“这很简单”
What they hear： “It’s easy for most people. If you have trouble doing it， there is probably something wrong about you” 别人听到的却是：“别人都觉得简单。如果你觉得难，那就是你的问题了”
The level of difficulty is perceived differently by everyone， and everyone has their own Everest. If you’re telling somebody that their job is easy， then you’re undermining their contribution to society and you’re telling them they don’t deserve the salary they have.
每个人的短处各异，却都有自己的强项。如果你断言他人的工作如何简单，那么你在无形中就低估了别人对社会的贡献，也就表示你觉得别人不值其拥有的功劳。
If someone is struggling and coming for help， then they have trust you enough to show you their weakness. Don’t rub their face in it by saying “This should be easy”.
如果有人陷入困难向你求助，那是因为他们足够信任你才会在你面前展现脆弱的一面。不要在别人猝不及防的时候说一句“这很简单”。
Acknowledge the challenges that people encounter and value their commitment to overcome them.
要承认别人遇到的挑战，重视他人克服挑战的承诺。
5. “I told you so”
“我早就告诉过你”
What they hear： “You did not listen to me. That’s all your fault. I’m so much better than you.”
别人听到的却是：“谁让你不听我的。这都怪你。我可比你有先见之明。”
This one is a common no-no.
这是一个常见的禁忌。
It’s useless to shoot a dead horse， especially when other person needs your help more than ever. Don’t keep tabs on who’s right and who’s wrong. If it were a competition， the one keeping tabs would be the one losing.
射击一匹死马有何用，尤其是当别人比以往都需要你帮助的时候。不要执迷于谁对谁错。如果这是场比赛，在乎对错的人注定会输。
Help the other person， and don’t add insult to injury.
帮助别人，就不要再雪上加霜了。
6. “As I just said before…”
“我之前就说过...”
What they hear： “You don’t listen to me. You’re making me repeat myself. You’re so annoying and dumb”
别人听到的是。“你不听我的。老让我重复。真是烦人。”
This is a very sneaky conversation killer. If someone asks you a question and you point out that you’ve already answered it， then you’re killing their willingness to learn， or even to have a slight interest in what you say.
这绝对是对话杀手。如果有人问你问题，然后你却说早就回答过了，那么你就是在扼杀别人学习的意愿，甚至是消除对你话语的最后一丝兴趣。
Say the same thing in another way and by illustrating it differently.
换种方式表达相同的事情，这样才会有不同的效果。
Tell them what you’re going to tell them. Then， tell them. Finally， tell them what you’ve told them. – Aristotle
告诉他们你要告诉他们。然后，告诉他们。最后，告诉他们你已经告诉他们了。--亚里士多德
7. “Good luck”
“祝你好运”
What they hear： “There’s nothing you can do that will make you succeed. Only luck will. let’s hope for a once-in-a-millenium planet-alignment-like opportunity so that you can succeed.”
别人听到的却是：“对于成功你已经无能为力。只能全靠运气了。让我们期待一个大海捞针般的机会，这样你就能成功了。”
Also， it is bad luck to wish good luck. It is more common for comedians to say “Break a leg”， or “Merde！” – the French equivalent of “Shit！”. The expression comes from the fact that， during older times， successful plays would attract a lot of carriage traffic and therefore a significant amount of horse dejection. Maybe this is why people would slip and “break a leg”.
同样，只有在厄运交加时才会期待好运。更常见的是喜剧演员会说“断一条腿”，“呸！”--相当于法语中的“去屎！”这种表达源自这样一个事实，古时候，成功的戏剧会导致很多马车处于拥挤，因此产生大量马粪。也许这就是为什么人们会滑到并说“摔断了一条腿”。
Don’t attribute success to luck; celebrate the other person’s qualities instead.“Show them your guts！” “Give them something they’ll never forget！”
不要把成功歸功于运气;相反的是要称赞对方的品质。“让他们看看你的厉害！”“给他们难忘的一课！”