8 Things You Should Never Do Before the Queen

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1. Don't touch Her Maj.
  
This rule dates back to Medieval① times, when, as historian Kate Williams puts it, ""monarchs② were divinely appointed to rule by God, so they were kind of seen as gods, so they demanded to be treated as gods.""
  
2. Don't show up empty handed
  
What do you get the woman who already has everything? Sure, the Queen has several homes full of priceless trinkets, but bringing a gift is nessecary.
  
This gift must also be appropriate to the occasion. So if she's paying a visit to your hometown or country, something which reflects local culture might go down better than W.H. Smith's vouchers.
  
3. Stand to attention
  
You may be dead on your heavily-bunioned③feet - but you should always stand when the Queen enters the room.
  
You may only sit once she's nice and comfy, so keep a close eye on when the Queen sits down herself.
  
4. Don't just twiddle④ your thumbs
  
When the Queen is making a beeline for you, or when you're next in the line to meet her, it's important you either bow or curtsy (depending on whether you're a woman or a man).
  
5. Don't ignore the dress code
  
Regardless of how late you're running or how tempting it is to stay in your onesie⑤ and slanket⑥combo, make sure you dress accordingly when meeting HRH.
  
If the event is black tie, wear black tie.
  
6. Resist the temptation to refer to her by her fi rst name
  
Or, heaven forbid, by a NICKNAME.
  
While the Royal family may be extremely familiar to us, and while we may have our own nicknames for them, us common folk still aren't on a fi rst name basis with them.
  
So, when you first meet the Queen she should be addressed as ""Your Majesty"" and ""Ma'am"" consequently after.
  
When she leaves, however, you must address her as ""Your Majesty"" once again.
  
7. Only speak if the Queen speaks to you
  
Remember when you were a small child and all your elders would drop wisdom such as ""don't speak unless spoken to fi rst"" and ""children should be seen and not heard""?
  
The same applies to meeting the Queen.
  
This rule exists so Her Royal Highness can control every aspect of the conversation - including exiting it swiftly.
  
8. Don't eat before she does
  
No matter how tasty and tempting the banquet morsels spread in front you look, you can only start eating once the Queen does.
  
So perhaps have a quick snack beforehand, in case any speeches go on for a long time.
  
Oh, and if she has fi nished eating, you better be full too.
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