Two Yong Trees

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  张超 男,河北省衡水市阜城县古城中学英语一级教师,市及英语优秀教师。从事英语教育教学工作24年。多年来,在省级以上报刊《中学生英语》、《学英语》、《英语周报》、《校园英语》、《中学生语数外》等发表文章数百篇,并有多篇论文获奖。曾参编高中版教辅资料《天天向上》、《三维方案》的编写工作,曾荣获“中央教育科学研究所全国基础教育科研先进个人”荣誉称号。辅导多名学生在省、市和国家级英语竞赛中多人次获奖。
  Two Young Trees
  I planted two young trees in front of my house the year before last. One was supported by two sticks, and① the other wasn’t. Last Sunday I thought the tree was enough strong②, so I moved the two sticks away from the tree. In a strong wind last night, the one which had been supported by the sticks was blowing③ down, while the other wasn’t. Why is this happening? The reason is very simple: The one which hadn’t been supported by the sticks had experienced much wind and rain and was much more④ stronger. That shows that all young people should face the world and the storm bravely.
  (河北省衡水市阜城县古城中学9年级2班 门月起)
  1. 优点:
  本习作条理清楚,思路清晰,用词准确,语言流畅,行文连贯,叙事与议论浑然一体,整体感较强。小作者在文章中恰当地使用了宾语从句、定语从句和表语从句及并列句式,值得同学们学习和借鉴。如果小作者再细心些,文章中出现的几处小错误应该是可以避免的。习作中尽管出现了几处小错误,但也不失为一篇成功之作,倘若能避免这些错误的话,习作者的写作水平一定会更上一层楼。文章的最后一句,写得非常到位,可谓文章的“灵魂”,给人以启示。
  2. 需要修改的地方:
  ①and改为but。上、下句在这里是转折关系。
  ②enough strong改为strong enough。enough作副词修饰形容词或副词时,要后置。
  ③blowing改为blown。根据语境容易看出,这里应该用被动语态,blow应该用过去分词。
  ④去掉more。more 不能修饰比较级。
  3. 评分:
  按中考英语作文满分20的评分标准,本文修改前可得18分。
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