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After my mother passed away and my brother went to study in New Zealand， the first thing that really felt different was the dinner table. My father and I began eating separately. We went out to dinners with our friends， ate sandwiches in front of our computers， and got delivery pizzas while watching movies. Some days we rarely saw each other at all. Then， a few weeks before I was set to leave for university， my father walked downstairs.“You know， I think we should start eating together， even if it’s just you and me，” he said. “Your mother would have wanted that.” It wasn’t ideal， of course—the meals we made weren’t particularly amazing and we missed the presence of Mom and my brother—but there was something special about setting aside time to be with my father. It was 1）therapeutic： an excuse to talk， to reflect on the day， and on recent events. Our chats about the 2）banal—of baseball and television—often led to discussions of the serious—of politics and death， of memories and loss. Eating together was a small act， and it required very little of us—45 minutes away from our usual， 3）quotidian distractions—and yet it was invariably one of the happiest parts of my day.
Sadly， Americans rarely eat together anymore. In fact， the average American eats one in every five meals in his/her car， and the majority of American families report eating a single meal together less than five days a week. It’s a pity that so many Americans are 4）missing out on what could be meaningful time with their loved ones， but it’s even more than that. Not eating together also has quantifiably negative effects both physically and psychologically.
There are two big reasons for these negative effects associated with not eating meals together： the first is simply that when we eat out—especially at the inexpensive fast food and take-out places that most children go to when not eating with family—we tend not to eat very healthy things.
The other reason is that eating alone can be alienating. The dinner table can act as a unifier， a place of community. Sharing a meal is an excuse to catch up and talk， one of the few times where people are happy to put aside their work and take time out of their day. After all， it is rare that we Americans grant ourselves pleasure over productivity （just look at the fact that the average American works nearly 220 hours more per year than the average Frenchman）.
It hasn’t always been the case that Americans don’t prioritize eating together and eating slowly. In 1950， Elizabeth David published A Book of Mediterranean Food. She wrote that great food is simple. She proposed that meals didn’t have to come from fancy or trendy restaurants， and that enjoying basic meals with loved ones makes for the best eating. For the average American family， who now spends nearly as much money on fast food as they do on groceries， this simplicity is not so easily achieved. Perhaps the root of this problem is cultural misperception.
In America， it seems snobbish to take time to eat good food with one’s family. The 5）Norman Rockwell portrait of the family around the dinner table now seems less middle-class and more 6）haute bourgeois， as many families can’t afford to have one parent stay home from work， spending his or her day cleaning and cooking a roast and side of potatoes for the spouse and kids. Most parents don’t have time to cook， many don’t even know how， and the idea that one should spend extra money and time picking up produce at the supermarket rather than grabbing a bucket of Chinese take-out can seem unfeasible， unnecessary， and slightly 7）pretentious. It’s understandable to want to save time and money. It’s the same reason that small shops go out of business once Walmart moves into town； but in this case it is not the shop owner who suffers， it is the consumer of unhealthy and rushed meals.
How then do we eat better， not just from a nutritional perspective， but from a psychological one as well？
“To eat is a necessity， but to eat intelligently is an art，” said the 17th-century writer 8）Fran？ois de La Rochefoucauld. What “intelligence”means in the context of eating is debatable.
Perhaps to “eat intelligently，” one needs only to eat together. Although it would be nice to eat healthily as well， even take-out makes for a decent enough meal， psychologically speaking， so long as your family， roommates， or friends are present.
It’s incredible what we’re willing to make time for if we’re motivated.（Although we often end up just a bit too squeezed to make it to the gym in the morning， we can still find time to go to the movies after work.） Perhaps， if we see eating together not as another appointment on a busy schedule， but rather as an opportunity to de-stress， a chance to catch up with those whom we love， then we could help our children do better in school， get in better shape， and be less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. Eating together also led children to report better relationships with their parents and surely relationships between adults can similarly benefit.
On our last night before I left home to return to school， my father and I went out to our favorite hometown restaurant， a Sichuan place where we always order the same thing： Yu Xiang Qiezi for me， Black Date Chicken for him. But even after 60 years of life on this planet， and countless dinners here， he still could not properly hold a pair of chopsticks. “Let me help，”I said， and after a little resistance， he obliged me. “See， you have to hold this one perfectly still，” I said， motioning to the chopstick in my left hand， “while you move this one to pick up your food.” The waiter came with another bowl of rice on which he would try. He nodded. “I think I’ve got it，” he said， delicately holding the chopsticks between his fingers. “The chopsticks each have an individual role， but in order not to drop your food， they have to work together. Right？” I smiled.“Exactly.”
在我母亲过世，哥哥前往新西兰学习后，第一件真正让人感到有所不同的事便是吃晚餐。我和父亲开始分开用餐。我们外出与各自的朋友吃晚餐、在我们电脑前吃三明治，以及边看电影边吃比萨外卖。有一段日子我们根本就见不着对方。然后，在我准备上大学的前几周，我父亲走到楼下来。“你知道的，我觉得我们应该从现在开始一起用餐，就算只有我们两人，”他说道，“你母亲也会希望如此。”这并不理想，当然——我们做的饭菜并不特别出彩，并且，我们想念妈妈和哥哥的到场——但是腾出一些时间与我父亲共处却有着特别意义。这有助于身心健康：能借机一起聊天，去反思过去一天以及最近所发生的事。我们平常的闲聊——关于棒球和电视节目——经常会引发一些严肃的讨论——关于政治和死亡、关于回忆和失去。一起用餐不过是件小事，只需要从我们日常消遣里空出短短的45分钟——然而这总是我一天当中最快乐的时光之一。
令人难过的是，美国人现在很少在一起用餐了。事实上，美国人平均每五顿饭里就有一顿是在车里解决的，并且大多数的美国家庭表示一周里家人一起用餐的时间少于五天。非常遗憾，如此之多的美国人错过了本可与其所爱之人共度的美好时光，但遗憾之处远非于此。家人不在一起用餐对身心有着一定的坏处。
不与家人共餐会产生这些消极影响有两大原因：第一就是当我们在外面就餐时——特别是不与家人共餐时，大多数孩子经常会去的廉价快餐店和外卖店——我们很容易会吃一些不太健康的食品。
另一原因就是独自一人吃饭可能会使家人间的关系疏远。餐桌可以是一种融合剂，一个家人共享的地方。一起用餐提供了一个了解彼此近况以及谈话的机会，是人们会愉快地把工作放到一边，抽空放松一下的少数时光之一。毕竟，我们美国人很少会把快乐凌驾于工作之上（从美国人平均每年比法国人多工作将近220个小时这一事实便可见一斑）。
美国人并非一直以来都不重视一起进餐及缓慢进食。1950年，伊丽莎白·大卫出版了《地中海食物之书》。她在书中写道：美味的食物就是简单的食物。她提出饭菜不一定得出自价格昂贵、装潢华丽的餐馆，与所爱之人一起享受简单的饭菜就是最棒的就餐体验。
对一般美国家庭来说，他们现在花在快餐上的费用快赶得上在杂货店里的开销了，伊丽莎白·大卫所说的那种简单快乐并不那么容易做到。也许这个问题的根源在于文化的错误认知。
在美国，花时间与家人享受美食似乎会显得自命不凡。诺曼·洛克威尔所描绘的家人围坐餐桌边的画作如今看来似乎更像是上流社会贵族而非中等阶级的写照，因为许多家庭承担不起让父母一方放弃工作，回归家庭，把一天时间花在打扫及为配偶和孩子烹煮烤肉和土豆上。大多数的父母并没有时间做饭，许多父母甚至不会做饭。你要说人们应该额外花钱花时间去超市挑选农产品而不是买盒中国菜外卖，似乎显得不切实际，毫无必要，还有一点儿自命不凡。想要节省时间金钱是可以理解的。同样道理，只要沃尔玛进驻城里，一些小店铺就会关门倒闭；但在这种情况下，遭难的不是那些店主，而是购买不健康饭菜、匆匆就餐的消费者们。
那我们怎样才能吃得更好？不仅仅是从营养的角度，还从精神的角度出发。
17世纪的作家拉罗斯福哥公爵曾说过：“吃是必须的，但要吃得聪明则是一门艺术”。“聪明”一词放在“吃”这个语境中，其意义众说纷纭。
也许要“吃得聪明”，我们只需要在一起吃。尽管吃得健康也很好，但是从心理学上来说，只要你的家人、室友或者朋友在场，就算是外卖食品也能是不错的一餐。
只要有动力，我们心甘情愿腾出时间的事多着呢。（虽然我们常常在早上去完健身房后已经没剩多少精力，但是我们仍然可以在下班后找出去看电影的时间。）也许，如果我们不把一起用餐视为忙碌日程表里的又一指定项目，而是当成是一个减压、了解我们所爱之人近况的机会，那么我们可以帮助我们的孩子在学校里表现得更好，身体更健康，减少沾上毒品和酒精的可能。一起用餐可以让孩子与父母的关系更好，当然这也能对成人间的关系有所裨益。
在我离家回校前的最后一晚，我和父亲去了我们最喜爱的家乡菜馆——一家四川菜馆，在那儿，我们总会点上同样的菜式：我的鱼香茄子，他的黑枣鸡。但是就算在这个星球上生活了60年，在这里吃了无数次晚餐，他还是不会正确地拿一双筷子。“让我来帮忙吧，”我说道。在一点挣扎后，他同意了。“看，当你用这根去夹菜时”，我说道，移动着我左手的筷子，“你得稳稳地握住这一根。”服务生又拿了一碗饭过来，他用这碗饭试了试。他点点头。“我想我懂了”，他说道，小心翼翼地握着指间的筷子。“每根筷子都有着自己的角色，但是想要夹紧你的菜，它们得一起努力，对吗？”我微笑道：“完全正确。”
Sadly， Americans rarely eat together anymore. In fact， the average American eats one in every five meals in his/her car， and the majority of American families report eating a single meal together less than five days a week. It’s a pity that so many Americans are 4）missing out on what could be meaningful time with their loved ones， but it’s even more than that. Not eating together also has quantifiably negative effects both physically and psychologically.
There are two big reasons for these negative effects associated with not eating meals together： the first is simply that when we eat out—especially at the inexpensive fast food and take-out places that most children go to when not eating with family—we tend not to eat very healthy things.
The other reason is that eating alone can be alienating. The dinner table can act as a unifier， a place of community. Sharing a meal is an excuse to catch up and talk， one of the few times where people are happy to put aside their work and take time out of their day. After all， it is rare that we Americans grant ourselves pleasure over productivity （just look at the fact that the average American works nearly 220 hours more per year than the average Frenchman）.
It hasn’t always been the case that Americans don’t prioritize eating together and eating slowly. In 1950， Elizabeth David published A Book of Mediterranean Food. She wrote that great food is simple. She proposed that meals didn’t have to come from fancy or trendy restaurants， and that enjoying basic meals with loved ones makes for the best eating. For the average American family， who now spends nearly as much money on fast food as they do on groceries， this simplicity is not so easily achieved. Perhaps the root of this problem is cultural misperception.
In America， it seems snobbish to take time to eat good food with one’s family. The 5）Norman Rockwell portrait of the family around the dinner table now seems less middle-class and more 6）haute bourgeois， as many families can’t afford to have one parent stay home from work， spending his or her day cleaning and cooking a roast and side of potatoes for the spouse and kids. Most parents don’t have time to cook， many don’t even know how， and the idea that one should spend extra money and time picking up produce at the supermarket rather than grabbing a bucket of Chinese take-out can seem unfeasible， unnecessary， and slightly 7）pretentious. It’s understandable to want to save time and money. It’s the same reason that small shops go out of business once Walmart moves into town； but in this case it is not the shop owner who suffers， it is the consumer of unhealthy and rushed meals.
How then do we eat better， not just from a nutritional perspective， but from a psychological one as well？
“To eat is a necessity， but to eat intelligently is an art，” said the 17th-century writer 8）Fran？ois de La Rochefoucauld. What “intelligence”means in the context of eating is debatable.
Perhaps to “eat intelligently，” one needs only to eat together. Although it would be nice to eat healthily as well， even take-out makes for a decent enough meal， psychologically speaking， so long as your family， roommates， or friends are present.
It’s incredible what we’re willing to make time for if we’re motivated.（Although we often end up just a bit too squeezed to make it to the gym in the morning， we can still find time to go to the movies after work.） Perhaps， if we see eating together not as another appointment on a busy schedule， but rather as an opportunity to de-stress， a chance to catch up with those whom we love， then we could help our children do better in school， get in better shape， and be less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol. Eating together also led children to report better relationships with their parents and surely relationships between adults can similarly benefit.
On our last night before I left home to return to school， my father and I went out to our favorite hometown restaurant， a Sichuan place where we always order the same thing： Yu Xiang Qiezi for me， Black Date Chicken for him. But even after 60 years of life on this planet， and countless dinners here， he still could not properly hold a pair of chopsticks. “Let me help，”I said， and after a little resistance， he obliged me. “See， you have to hold this one perfectly still，” I said， motioning to the chopstick in my left hand， “while you move this one to pick up your food.” The waiter came with another bowl of rice on which he would try. He nodded. “I think I’ve got it，” he said， delicately holding the chopsticks between his fingers. “The chopsticks each have an individual role， but in order not to drop your food， they have to work together. Right？” I smiled.“Exactly.”
在我母亲过世，哥哥前往新西兰学习后，第一件真正让人感到有所不同的事便是吃晚餐。我和父亲开始分开用餐。我们外出与各自的朋友吃晚餐、在我们电脑前吃三明治，以及边看电影边吃比萨外卖。有一段日子我们根本就见不着对方。然后，在我准备上大学的前几周，我父亲走到楼下来。“你知道的，我觉得我们应该从现在开始一起用餐，就算只有我们两人，”他说道，“你母亲也会希望如此。”这并不理想，当然——我们做的饭菜并不特别出彩，并且，我们想念妈妈和哥哥的到场——但是腾出一些时间与我父亲共处却有着特别意义。这有助于身心健康：能借机一起聊天，去反思过去一天以及最近所发生的事。我们平常的闲聊——关于棒球和电视节目——经常会引发一些严肃的讨论——关于政治和死亡、关于回忆和失去。一起用餐不过是件小事，只需要从我们日常消遣里空出短短的45分钟——然而这总是我一天当中最快乐的时光之一。
令人难过的是，美国人现在很少在一起用餐了。事实上，美国人平均每五顿饭里就有一顿是在车里解决的，并且大多数的美国家庭表示一周里家人一起用餐的时间少于五天。非常遗憾，如此之多的美国人错过了本可与其所爱之人共度的美好时光，但遗憾之处远非于此。家人不在一起用餐对身心有着一定的坏处。
不与家人共餐会产生这些消极影响有两大原因：第一就是当我们在外面就餐时——特别是不与家人共餐时，大多数孩子经常会去的廉价快餐店和外卖店——我们很容易会吃一些不太健康的食品。
另一原因就是独自一人吃饭可能会使家人间的关系疏远。餐桌可以是一种融合剂，一个家人共享的地方。一起用餐提供了一个了解彼此近况以及谈话的机会，是人们会愉快地把工作放到一边，抽空放松一下的少数时光之一。毕竟，我们美国人很少会把快乐凌驾于工作之上（从美国人平均每年比法国人多工作将近220个小时这一事实便可见一斑）。
美国人并非一直以来都不重视一起进餐及缓慢进食。1950年，伊丽莎白·大卫出版了《地中海食物之书》。她在书中写道：美味的食物就是简单的食物。她提出饭菜不一定得出自价格昂贵、装潢华丽的餐馆，与所爱之人一起享受简单的饭菜就是最棒的就餐体验。
对一般美国家庭来说，他们现在花在快餐上的费用快赶得上在杂货店里的开销了，伊丽莎白·大卫所说的那种简单快乐并不那么容易做到。也许这个问题的根源在于文化的错误认知。
在美国，花时间与家人享受美食似乎会显得自命不凡。诺曼·洛克威尔所描绘的家人围坐餐桌边的画作如今看来似乎更像是上流社会贵族而非中等阶级的写照，因为许多家庭承担不起让父母一方放弃工作，回归家庭，把一天时间花在打扫及为配偶和孩子烹煮烤肉和土豆上。大多数的父母并没有时间做饭，许多父母甚至不会做饭。你要说人们应该额外花钱花时间去超市挑选农产品而不是买盒中国菜外卖，似乎显得不切实际，毫无必要，还有一点儿自命不凡。想要节省时间金钱是可以理解的。同样道理，只要沃尔玛进驻城里，一些小店铺就会关门倒闭；但在这种情况下，遭难的不是那些店主，而是购买不健康饭菜、匆匆就餐的消费者们。
那我们怎样才能吃得更好？不仅仅是从营养的角度，还从精神的角度出发。
17世纪的作家拉罗斯福哥公爵曾说过：“吃是必须的，但要吃得聪明则是一门艺术”。“聪明”一词放在“吃”这个语境中，其意义众说纷纭。
也许要“吃得聪明”，我们只需要在一起吃。尽管吃得健康也很好，但是从心理学上来说，只要你的家人、室友或者朋友在场，就算是外卖食品也能是不错的一餐。
只要有动力，我们心甘情愿腾出时间的事多着呢。（虽然我们常常在早上去完健身房后已经没剩多少精力，但是我们仍然可以在下班后找出去看电影的时间。）也许，如果我们不把一起用餐视为忙碌日程表里的又一指定项目，而是当成是一个减压、了解我们所爱之人近况的机会，那么我们可以帮助我们的孩子在学校里表现得更好，身体更健康，减少沾上毒品和酒精的可能。一起用餐可以让孩子与父母的关系更好，当然这也能对成人间的关系有所裨益。
在我离家回校前的最后一晚，我和父亲去了我们最喜爱的家乡菜馆——一家四川菜馆，在那儿，我们总会点上同样的菜式：我的鱼香茄子，他的黑枣鸡。但是就算在这个星球上生活了60年，在这里吃了无数次晚餐，他还是不会正确地拿一双筷子。“让我来帮忙吧，”我说道。在一点挣扎后，他同意了。“看，当你用这根去夹菜时”，我说道，移动着我左手的筷子，“你得稳稳地握住这一根。”服务生又拿了一碗饭过来，他用这碗饭试了试。他点点头。“我想我懂了”，他说道，小心翼翼地握着指间的筷子。“每根筷子都有着自己的角色，但是想要夹紧你的菜，它们得一起努力，对吗？”我微笑道：“完全正确。”