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A New Mother
Like a good father, I took my 4-year old daughter to a so-called “rug concert”（地毯音乐会） at her music school one Saturday morning. The concert had such a name because you sit on the rug in a group and sing songs. We sat beside a young attractive(迷人的) mother and her son, and I talked with her in a friendly way.
I thought I was in trouble. As soon as we got home, my daughter ran through the front door and announced to my wife: “Daddy met a new Mommy.”
新妈妈
作为一个好父亲，我在星期六的早晨带四岁的女儿到她的音乐学校参加一个所谓的“地毯音乐会”。音乐会叫这么个名字是因为我们分成小组坐在地毯上唱歌。我坐在一个年轻漂亮的母亲和她儿子身边。在音乐会中我和这个母亲开始了友好的谈话。当我们回家后，我认为我有麻烦了。女儿跑着穿过前门，对我妻子宣布：“爸爸遇到了一个新妈妈。”
St Peter’s question
Three men, a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer, are dead and they appear in front of St Peter. St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven. He looks at the doctor and asks, “There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank after hitting an iceberg, what was its name?” The doctor answers, “The Titanic” and he is sent through. He then looks at the accountant and says, “How many people died in that ship?” Fortunately the accountant has just watched the movie and he answers, “1’500!”. St Peter sends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands, in a very heavy voice, “Name them!”.
圣彼德的问题
有三个人死了，分别是一名医生、一名会计和一名律师。他们来到了圣·彼德面前。圣·彼德对他们说，如果他们想进入天堂，每人就得回答一个问题。圣·彼德看着医生开始发问，“以前电影院放过一部电影，说的是一艘船撞击冰山后沉没，电影的名字是什么？”医生回答，“《泰坦尼克号》”，医生随即被允许进入天堂。然后圣彼德看着会计说，“船上有多少人遇难？”。会计很走运，因为他刚看过这部电影，回答道，“1,500人遇难。”圣彼德把会计也放进天堂了。最后，圣彼德转过身，看着律师，非常严肃地用命令的口吻问道，“把1,500人的名字都说出来！”
The Mean Man’s Party
The notorious cheap skater finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, “Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push with your foot.”
“Why use my elbow and foot?”
“Well, gosh,” was the reply, “You’re not coming empty-handed, are you?”
吝啬鬼的聚会
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“天哪！” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧？”
Talking clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. “How does it work?”
“Watch,” the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “Knock it off, you idiot! It’s two o’clock in the morning!”
会说话的钟
一个学生带他的朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”
Blind Date
After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”
相亲
和相亲对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地！”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”
Like a good father, I took my 4-year old daughter to a so-called “rug concert”（地毯音乐会） at her music school one Saturday morning. The concert had such a name because you sit on the rug in a group and sing songs. We sat beside a young attractive(迷人的) mother and her son, and I talked with her in a friendly way.
I thought I was in trouble. As soon as we got home, my daughter ran through the front door and announced to my wife: “Daddy met a new Mommy.”
新妈妈
作为一个好父亲，我在星期六的早晨带四岁的女儿到她的音乐学校参加一个所谓的“地毯音乐会”。音乐会叫这么个名字是因为我们分成小组坐在地毯上唱歌。我坐在一个年轻漂亮的母亲和她儿子身边。在音乐会中我和这个母亲开始了友好的谈话。当我们回家后，我认为我有麻烦了。女儿跑着穿过前门，对我妻子宣布：“爸爸遇到了一个新妈妈。”
St Peter’s question
Three men, a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer, are dead and they appear in front of St Peter. St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven. He looks at the doctor and asks, “There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank after hitting an iceberg, what was its name?” The doctor answers, “The Titanic” and he is sent through. He then looks at the accountant and says, “How many people died in that ship?” Fortunately the accountant has just watched the movie and he answers, “1’500!”. St Peter sends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands, in a very heavy voice, “Name them!”.
圣彼德的问题
有三个人死了，分别是一名医生、一名会计和一名律师。他们来到了圣·彼德面前。圣·彼德对他们说，如果他们想进入天堂，每人就得回答一个问题。圣·彼德看着医生开始发问，“以前电影院放过一部电影，说的是一艘船撞击冰山后沉没，电影的名字是什么？”医生回答，“《泰坦尼克号》”，医生随即被允许进入天堂。然后圣彼德看着会计说，“船上有多少人遇难？”。会计很走运，因为他刚看过这部电影，回答道，“1,500人遇难。”圣彼德把会计也放进天堂了。最后，圣彼德转过身，看着律师，非常严肃地用命令的口吻问道，“把1,500人的名字都说出来！”
The Mean Man’s Party
The notorious cheap skater finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, “Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push with your foot.”
“Why use my elbow and foot?”
“Well, gosh,” was the reply, “You’re not coming empty-handed, are you?”
吝啬鬼的聚会
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“天哪！” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧？”
Talking clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. “How does it work?”
“Watch,” the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “Knock it off, you idiot! It’s two o’clock in the morning!”
会说话的钟
一个学生带他的朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”
Blind Date
After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”
相亲
和相亲对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地！”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”