《浮生六记》英译阅读与讨论(五)

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  译例1:
  【原文】及长,爱花成癖,喜剪盆树。识张兰坡,始精剪枝养节之法,继悟接花叠石之法。
  【译文】As a young man I was excessively fond of flowers and loved to prune and shape potted plants and trees. When I met Chang Lan-p’o he began to teach me the art of training branches and supporting joints, and after I had mastered these skills, he showed me how to graft flowers. Later on, I also learned the placing of stones and designing of rockeries. (p. 59)
  【简评】“及长”,在原文是一个从句,译文As a young man是介词短语,形式不同于原文。这样处理主要是出于行文的需要,不伤原文本意,对译文读者也无妨。“喜剪盆树”,盆栽植物的“剪”也包括“成型”“造型”等,prune之外又用了shape,周全的考虑。文中的“之法”未用method,而译作art,汉语本有“园艺”之说。
  译文中还有一点:将原文中“始精剪枝养节之法,继悟接花叠石之法。”的“始精”和“继悟”,译为“he began to teach me...”和“he showed me...”。这是鉴于前面的从句When I met Chang Lan-p’o,从“(我)始精”转换到“he began to teach me...”,從“(我)继悟”转换到“he showed me...”,合逻辑,也很自然。
  译例2:
  【原文】花以兰为最,取其幽香韵致也……
  【译文】The orchid we considered the peerless flower, selecting it as much for its subtle and delicate fragrance as for its beauty and grace. (p. 59)
  【简评】“幽香”,词典说是“清淡的香味”,译者用了subtle and delicate fragrance;“韵致”,即“风度韵味;情致”,译者用了beauty and grace,译文与原文表达的意思很相近。
  汉语文言文里,偶有这类词汇,语义朦胧且富有诗意,可意会而难以言传,用英语表达也不容易。但译者要传达它们的意思,少有对应词汇时,多是对其进行解释。如:
  【原文】东坡云:“事如春梦了无痕”。
  【译文】“Life is like a spring dream
  which ends—and leaves no traces.” (p. 1)
  【简评】“了无痕”,译作which ends—and leaves no traces,译者未做特别经营,只是依照字面译了“了”,译了“无痕”,近乎直译,但在译者笔下,译文读来轻松而无障碍,自然而有诗意。
  译例3:
  【原文】 描写陈芸形象时,作者这样说:“……一种缠绵之态,令人之意也消。”
  【译文】Above all else, a clinging softness in her manner, an indefinable air of tenderness and vulnerability about her, touched my heart deeply, making me wish to stay forever by her side. (p. 5)
  【简评】“缠绵”,译作a clinging softness,译文颇与原文相近,辅之tenderness,道尽了良家少女陈芸的柔媚;再有vulnerability,这个词用在这里,可能与前面提到的描写陈芸时的fragile和slenderness有关(The simplicity of her robe seemed to accentuate her fragile beauty and the slenderness of her graceful figure.)。
  通过以上几个方面,译者全面阐释了“缠绵”之含义。
  但译者未忘记原文里的“之态”二字,译文里便有了“... in her manner”和an indefinable air。
  还有indefinable,译者可能也感觉到“缠绵”二字的“难以言传”。经过译者的精心拆解和综合,英译文让汉语的“缠绵之态”有了质感。
  “令人之意也消”,译作“touched my heart deeply, making me wish to stay forever by her side”,淮茗注译本白话译文:“让人萌生爱恋之意,难以割舍”(第13页,中州古籍出版社,2010)。译者的理解与翻译和淮茗的理解与翻译一模一样,这很难得。
  译例4:
  沈复夫妇常在家里讨论诗文。有一回,沈复问陈芸:“唐以诗取士,而诗之宗匠,必推李杜,卿爱宗何人?”
  【原文】陈芸答曰:“杜诗锤炼精纯,李诗潇洒落拓,与其学杜之森严,不如学李之活泼。”
  【译文】“Tu Fu, I think, is first of all a master of style,” she answered. “His work is admired as much for its refinement of form as for its grandeur of conception. Li’s poems, on the other hand, are free and unconventional, filled with freshness and vigour. I admire the dignity and majesty of Master Tu,” she smiled, “but I prefer the freedom and liveliness of Master Li.” (p. 12)
  【简评】“锤炼精纯”,高度概括了杜诗特征,译文从“形式”与“构思”两个方面将其具体化为:its refinement of form和its grandeur of conception;“潇洒落拓”,在汉语中也是可感而不易传达,译文freedom and liveliness,够好了,只是没有了原文的朦胧与气势,但对译文读者来说,这样译比较容易明白。再如:
  【原文】 芸曰:“但李诗宛如姑射仙子,有一种落花流水之趣,令人可爱。”
  【译文】“... but Li’s poems have the lyric charm of fairy maidens. He seems to write as naturally as petals fall and waters flow. That is why I love him.” (p. 13)
  【简评】“姑射仙子”为《庄子》中所描写的女神形象,译文Li’s poems have the lyric charm of fairy maidens,用直叙也很贴切地表达了原文的典故。
  “有一种落花流水之趣”,译为“He seems to write as naturally as petals fall and waters flow. That is why I love him.”,其中“... petals fall and waters flow”,不但意境好,韵律也好,演化出了原文的美感。因有趣而令人萌生爱意,以That is why I love him表达了“之趣”。                                                          □
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