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I taught English in Japan for two years when I was in my early 30’s， and I was already late. I was late for life. I didn’t graduate from 1）undergrad school till I was 28， because of a series of factors， many of which had to do with alcohol and 2）marijuana consumption， and the overall feeling that I’d already 3）blown it by the time I was 18.
Teaching in Japan was one of my first big comebacks， second only to 4）pulling off a Master’s degree in English after my 10-year undergraduate odyssey. I applied to the 5）JET program at absolute random， and got out of 6）dodge， 7）aka， the Midwest.
30岁出头时，我在日本教了两年英语，这时我就已经迟了。我的人生起步晚了。直到28岁，我才大学毕业，这其中有一系列因素，而这些因素大多和酒精、大麻以及那种认为自己的人生到18岁时已完全毁掉了的总体感觉有关。
在日本教书是我回归生活正途的第一个重大举措，仅次于在如奥德赛旅程那般漫长的10年大学生涯后再取得英语硕士学位那个举措。完全是乱打乱撞的一次机会，我申请参加了日本的交换教学项目，然后我终于“出逃”，离开美国中西部。
So I was sitting there in Japan in my little room， on the floor， on the tatami mat—I didn’t have any furniture except the low 8）kutatsu， the old-style Japanese warming table. I slept on a thin 9）futon on the floor. I was getting ready to come back to the Midwest for the end-of-the-year holidays after a year-and-a-half of being gone. And I was having a complete anxiety attack.
Again I thought I was too late. I hadn’t gotten to the point I wanted to before going back to see my family again—what point？ Who knew？ Psychological， emotional， financial， physical？ My hair wasn’t right. And so on. I could hardly leave the room. I could barely get on the plane. And when I did I thought I left the gas line for the stove on. You had to turn it off when you were gone in Japan， in case there was an earthquake.
10）Mild 11）OCD， I guess. I had selfdiagnosed， my usual method. From ages 18 to 28， my long undergraduate years， I was probably 12）self-medicating. Well， I made it on my trip back to Milwaukee， Minneapolis and Madison to see the various members of my family. My dad said he admired my pace. I also made it to half of Asia while I was lived in Japan： South Korea， Thailand， Vietnam， Malaysia， China， India， Hong Kong， always sticking to the cities.
我坐在我日本小屋子地板上的榻榻米垫子上——家里除了矮小的旧式日本暖桌之外，没有其他任何家具。我睡在铺着薄薄日式床垫的地板上。在消失了一年半之后，我准备回到美国中西部过年终假期。当时我完全焦虑成病。
又一次，我觉得自己太迟了。当我再次回去探望我的家人时，我并没有取得我想要达到的成就——我想要取得的成就是什么呢？谁知道呢？心理上，情感上，财政上，还是外形上？我的发型不够好。诸如此类。我几乎不敢走出房间。我几乎不敢登上飞机。当我要离开的时候，我会想我是否没有关闭火炉的输气管道。在日本，你必须在离家时关闭输气管道，以防地震发生产生危险。
我想这是轻度强迫症。我会自我诊断——这是我常用的方法。从18到28岁，我漫长的大学生涯中，我大概都是不遵医嘱、自我治疗度过的。好吧，我成功地踏上了前往密尔沃基、明尼亚波利斯和麦迪逊去探望家人的旅程。我父亲说，他欣赏我按照自己的步伐走。我住在日本时，也走遍了半个亚洲：韩国、泰国、越南、马来西亚、中国、印度和中国香港，总是沿着各个城市旅行。
I took a swing through West Europe on the way home， 13）via Istanbul， and then it was time to move to New York. I got everything ready. I had my dishes and my futon and my coffee cup that I would drink out of the first morning I woke up in my cousin’s basement apartment in the Bronx. I packed up the rental car and took off. My mom helped me pack. Everything had to be ready. Everything had to be just so.
Wild 14）chaos 15）set in as I was dropped down into the city. The easy， 16）symmetrical grid of Manhattan virtually seemed to spin before my eyes as I tracked down one false lead after another to find a job. I was behind， once again， looking for 17）entry-level jobs at the age of 31. I could barely fill the page on my resume. The missing years 18）loomed before me. The chaos was all in my mind.
I had so many things I wanted to do and I had wasted so much time. In 19）The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge the character speaks of a man who takes to his bed because he is trying to hold on to time. He can feel time passing and it 20）dizzies him such that he has to lie down. He has to try to grab it and then he can actually feel the earth turning. He can feel the movement of time itself.
回家的旅程上，我还绕了去西欧，经过伊斯坦布尔，然后就该往纽约去了。我一切准备就绪。我准备了餐具、沙发床垫和咖啡杯——咖啡杯是我在布朗克斯区我表亲的地下室公寓中睡醒的第一个早上，会用来喝咖啡的。我把东西打包到租赁汽车上之后就出发了。我母亲帮我打包行李。一切必须准备就绪。一切就这样准备就绪了。
但是当我在曼哈顿城住下来后，我开始感到混乱不堪。当我一次又一次地艰难寻找工作时，这个舒适、格局对称的曼哈顿城事实上似乎在我眼前旋转。我又一次落后了，在31岁这个年龄，依然寻找着初级的工作岗位。我的简历乏善可陈，一页纸也写不满。那些错失的光阴隐隐浮现在我脑海中。我的脑子里一片混乱。
我有许多想做的事情，但是我浪费了很多时间。在《马尔特·劳里茨·布里格随笔》里的人物说到有一个人，他总是躺在床上，想抓住时间。他能够感觉到时间流逝，这使他感到晕眩，他不得不躺在床上。他努力想要抓住流逝的时间，这样才能感觉到地球在转。他能够感觉到时间本身在流逝。
This struck me as such an interesting 21）paradox when I was about 28. In his attempt to capture time in all its linear 22）omnipotence， the man becomes 23）paralyzed； his life 24）comes to a halt. I wanted to run at that point， at 28， and I did， to Japan， all around Asia and to New York. In my own way I was trying to capture time as much as the man had， only by packing things into my life as fast as I could.
I made it through East Europe and South America before I had my son. And no sooner did I have him than people started saying， enjoy him while he’s still little， the time goes so fast. That annoyed me to death. For one thing， I was enjoying him. For another thing， he’s 11 now and I’m still enjoying him—won’t ever stop. The idea of time racing by and sweeping us up powerlessly in its wake is a valid one in some senses； in others it’s not. 我28岁时，这个有趣的悖论震撼到我了。他试图抓住时间这拥有无限力量的线性存在，自己却瘫痪了；他的生命停滞不前。而我想要在28岁时跑到那个点，我也确实做到了，走遍日本、亚洲各地和纽约。我像这个人一样想要尽可能多地抓住时间，只是我以自己的方式，通过尽我最快的速度将事情都安排到生命的旅程中。
在生下儿子之前，我就走遍了东欧和南美洲。我把他生下来之后，人家就开始说，趁着他还小，好好享受和他在一起的日子吧，时间总是稍纵即逝。这使我恼怒不已。一方面，我过去享受和他在一起的日子。另一方面，他现在11岁，我仍然享受和他在一起——永远不会停止。时间稍纵即逝，席卷众生，我们无力抗争。其实这种想法只在某种程度上是正确的；在某些意义上，却不然。
In the same way， some deadlines are valid and some aren’t. Of the many times when I thought it was too late for something， it never was. They were false deadlines I had set for myself. Things had to be this way by this time； I had to look this certain way by this time； I had to have done this particular thing by this time—they were life deadlines， and none of them were valid. They passed by unfulfilled and nothing happened.
On the contrary， whenever anything of significance has happened in my life it’s happened over time， gradually， and things have had a way of 25）falling into place.
Life sets its own deadlines， and it seems we’re always in such a hurry to meet them. Life also gives you second chances on many occasions. I keep myself ready to jump for them—it’s my own style of religious 26）vigilance.
同样地，一些期限是真的，一些则是虚设的。很多次我想到要我去做某些事为时已晚时，我就会意识到，其实，永远都不晚。那些都是我为自己虚设的期限。事情到某个时间为止，必须是这样的；到某个时间为止，我必须有某种看法；到某个时间为止，我必须完成特定的事情——这些都是生命中的期限，但是其中无一是真实的。这些事情我并没有完成，但是也不会有什么后果。
相反的是，我生命中重要的事情，都要经过时间的发酵，细煎慢炖，而事情总会有其尘埃落定的过程。
生命有自己固有的各种期限，我们似乎总是迫不及待想要赶上这些期限。生命也屡屡给予我们第二次机会。我时刻准备着为这些机会去尝试——这是我自成一派的信仰自觉性。
Teaching in Japan was one of my first big comebacks， second only to 4）pulling off a Master’s degree in English after my 10-year undergraduate odyssey. I applied to the 5）JET program at absolute random， and got out of 6）dodge， 7）aka， the Midwest.
30岁出头时，我在日本教了两年英语，这时我就已经迟了。我的人生起步晚了。直到28岁，我才大学毕业，这其中有一系列因素，而这些因素大多和酒精、大麻以及那种认为自己的人生到18岁时已完全毁掉了的总体感觉有关。
在日本教书是我回归生活正途的第一个重大举措，仅次于在如奥德赛旅程那般漫长的10年大学生涯后再取得英语硕士学位那个举措。完全是乱打乱撞的一次机会，我申请参加了日本的交换教学项目，然后我终于“出逃”，离开美国中西部。
So I was sitting there in Japan in my little room， on the floor， on the tatami mat—I didn’t have any furniture except the low 8）kutatsu， the old-style Japanese warming table. I slept on a thin 9）futon on the floor. I was getting ready to come back to the Midwest for the end-of-the-year holidays after a year-and-a-half of being gone. And I was having a complete anxiety attack.
Again I thought I was too late. I hadn’t gotten to the point I wanted to before going back to see my family again—what point？ Who knew？ Psychological， emotional， financial， physical？ My hair wasn’t right. And so on. I could hardly leave the room. I could barely get on the plane. And when I did I thought I left the gas line for the stove on. You had to turn it off when you were gone in Japan， in case there was an earthquake.
10）Mild 11）OCD， I guess. I had selfdiagnosed， my usual method. From ages 18 to 28， my long undergraduate years， I was probably 12）self-medicating. Well， I made it on my trip back to Milwaukee， Minneapolis and Madison to see the various members of my family. My dad said he admired my pace. I also made it to half of Asia while I was lived in Japan： South Korea， Thailand， Vietnam， Malaysia， China， India， Hong Kong， always sticking to the cities.
我坐在我日本小屋子地板上的榻榻米垫子上——家里除了矮小的旧式日本暖桌之外，没有其他任何家具。我睡在铺着薄薄日式床垫的地板上。在消失了一年半之后，我准备回到美国中西部过年终假期。当时我完全焦虑成病。
又一次，我觉得自己太迟了。当我再次回去探望我的家人时，我并没有取得我想要达到的成就——我想要取得的成就是什么呢？谁知道呢？心理上，情感上，财政上，还是外形上？我的发型不够好。诸如此类。我几乎不敢走出房间。我几乎不敢登上飞机。当我要离开的时候，我会想我是否没有关闭火炉的输气管道。在日本，你必须在离家时关闭输气管道，以防地震发生产生危险。
我想这是轻度强迫症。我会自我诊断——这是我常用的方法。从18到28岁，我漫长的大学生涯中，我大概都是不遵医嘱、自我治疗度过的。好吧，我成功地踏上了前往密尔沃基、明尼亚波利斯和麦迪逊去探望家人的旅程。我父亲说，他欣赏我按照自己的步伐走。我住在日本时，也走遍了半个亚洲：韩国、泰国、越南、马来西亚、中国、印度和中国香港，总是沿着各个城市旅行。
I took a swing through West Europe on the way home， 13）via Istanbul， and then it was time to move to New York. I got everything ready. I had my dishes and my futon and my coffee cup that I would drink out of the first morning I woke up in my cousin’s basement apartment in the Bronx. I packed up the rental car and took off. My mom helped me pack. Everything had to be ready. Everything had to be just so.
Wild 14）chaos 15）set in as I was dropped down into the city. The easy， 16）symmetrical grid of Manhattan virtually seemed to spin before my eyes as I tracked down one false lead after another to find a job. I was behind， once again， looking for 17）entry-level jobs at the age of 31. I could barely fill the page on my resume. The missing years 18）loomed before me. The chaos was all in my mind.
I had so many things I wanted to do and I had wasted so much time. In 19）The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge the character speaks of a man who takes to his bed because he is trying to hold on to time. He can feel time passing and it 20）dizzies him such that he has to lie down. He has to try to grab it and then he can actually feel the earth turning. He can feel the movement of time itself.
回家的旅程上，我还绕了去西欧，经过伊斯坦布尔，然后就该往纽约去了。我一切准备就绪。我准备了餐具、沙发床垫和咖啡杯——咖啡杯是我在布朗克斯区我表亲的地下室公寓中睡醒的第一个早上，会用来喝咖啡的。我把东西打包到租赁汽车上之后就出发了。我母亲帮我打包行李。一切必须准备就绪。一切就这样准备就绪了。
但是当我在曼哈顿城住下来后，我开始感到混乱不堪。当我一次又一次地艰难寻找工作时，这个舒适、格局对称的曼哈顿城事实上似乎在我眼前旋转。我又一次落后了，在31岁这个年龄，依然寻找着初级的工作岗位。我的简历乏善可陈，一页纸也写不满。那些错失的光阴隐隐浮现在我脑海中。我的脑子里一片混乱。
我有许多想做的事情，但是我浪费了很多时间。在《马尔特·劳里茨·布里格随笔》里的人物说到有一个人，他总是躺在床上，想抓住时间。他能够感觉到时间流逝，这使他感到晕眩，他不得不躺在床上。他努力想要抓住流逝的时间，这样才能感觉到地球在转。他能够感觉到时间本身在流逝。
This struck me as such an interesting 21）paradox when I was about 28. In his attempt to capture time in all its linear 22）omnipotence， the man becomes 23）paralyzed； his life 24）comes to a halt. I wanted to run at that point， at 28， and I did， to Japan， all around Asia and to New York. In my own way I was trying to capture time as much as the man had， only by packing things into my life as fast as I could.
I made it through East Europe and South America before I had my son. And no sooner did I have him than people started saying， enjoy him while he’s still little， the time goes so fast. That annoyed me to death. For one thing， I was enjoying him. For another thing， he’s 11 now and I’m still enjoying him—won’t ever stop. The idea of time racing by and sweeping us up powerlessly in its wake is a valid one in some senses； in others it’s not. 我28岁时，这个有趣的悖论震撼到我了。他试图抓住时间这拥有无限力量的线性存在，自己却瘫痪了；他的生命停滞不前。而我想要在28岁时跑到那个点，我也确实做到了，走遍日本、亚洲各地和纽约。我像这个人一样想要尽可能多地抓住时间，只是我以自己的方式，通过尽我最快的速度将事情都安排到生命的旅程中。
在生下儿子之前，我就走遍了东欧和南美洲。我把他生下来之后，人家就开始说，趁着他还小，好好享受和他在一起的日子吧，时间总是稍纵即逝。这使我恼怒不已。一方面，我过去享受和他在一起的日子。另一方面，他现在11岁，我仍然享受和他在一起——永远不会停止。时间稍纵即逝，席卷众生，我们无力抗争。其实这种想法只在某种程度上是正确的；在某些意义上，却不然。
In the same way， some deadlines are valid and some aren’t. Of the many times when I thought it was too late for something， it never was. They were false deadlines I had set for myself. Things had to be this way by this time； I had to look this certain way by this time； I had to have done this particular thing by this time—they were life deadlines， and none of them were valid. They passed by unfulfilled and nothing happened.
On the contrary， whenever anything of significance has happened in my life it’s happened over time， gradually， and things have had a way of 25）falling into place.
Life sets its own deadlines， and it seems we’re always in such a hurry to meet them. Life also gives you second chances on many occasions. I keep myself ready to jump for them—it’s my own style of religious 26）vigilance.
同样地，一些期限是真的，一些则是虚设的。很多次我想到要我去做某些事为时已晚时，我就会意识到，其实，永远都不晚。那些都是我为自己虚设的期限。事情到某个时间为止，必须是这样的；到某个时间为止，我必须有某种看法；到某个时间为止，我必须完成特定的事情——这些都是生命中的期限，但是其中无一是真实的。这些事情我并没有完成，但是也不会有什么后果。
相反的是，我生命中重要的事情，都要经过时间的发酵，细煎慢炖，而事情总会有其尘埃落定的过程。
生命有自己固有的各种期限，我们似乎总是迫不及待想要赶上这些期限。生命也屡屡给予我们第二次机会。我时刻准备着为这些机会去尝试——这是我自成一派的信仰自觉性。