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You hear people say this all the time： “I have a right to be upset because of the way I’ve been treated. I have a right to be angry， hurt， depressed， sad， and 1）resentful.” Learning to avoid this kind of thinking is one of my secrets for living a life of inner peace， success， and happiness. Anytime you’re filled with resentment， you’re turning the controls of your emotional life over to others to 2）manipulate.
I became aware of how powerful this lesson was many years ago while sitting in on a meeting of 12 people who were in a recovery group for alcoholism and drug addiction. All 12 of those people were accustomed to blaming others for their weaknesses， using almost any excuse as a rationale for returning to their self-defeating ways. On a poster hanging in the room were these words： “In this group， there are no justified resentments.”
Regardless of what anyone would say to another group member， no matter how confrontational or ugly the accusations， each person was reminded that there are no justified resentments. You may need to consider whom you resent before you make your own choice about whether this is useful for you. Resentments give you an excuse to return to your old ways. This is what got you there in the first place！
Removing resentment and blame from your life means never assigning responsibility to anyone for what you’re experiencing. It means that you’re willing to say， “I may not understand why I feel this way， why I have this illness， why I’ve been victimized， or why I had this accident， but I’m willing to say without any guilt or resentment that I own it. I live with， and I am responsible for， having it in my life.” Why do this？ If you take responsibility for having it， then at least you have a chance to also take responsibility for removing it or learning from it.
If you’re in some small （perhaps unknown） way responsible for that 3）migraine headache or that depressed feeling， then you can go to work to remove it or discover what its message is for you. If， on the other hand， someone or something else is responsible in your mind， then of course you’ll have to wait until they change for you to get better. And that is unlikely to occur.
First， you have to get past blame. Then you have to learn to send love to all， rather than anger and resentment. Just as no one can define you， neither do you have the privilege of defining others. When you stop judging and simply become an observer， you will know inner peace. With that sense of inner peace， you’ll find yourself free of the negative energy of resentment， and you’ll be able to live a life of 4）contentment. A 5）bonus is that you’ll find that others are much more attracted to you. A peaceful person attracts peaceful energy.
At the root of virtually all spiritual practice is the notion of forgiveness. Think about every single person who has ever harmed you， cheated you， 6）defrauded you， or said unkind things about you. Your experience of them is nothing more than a thought that you carry around with you. These thoughts of resentment， anger， and hatred represent slow， 7）debilitating energies that will 8）disempower you. If you could release them， you would know more peace.
You practice forgiveness for two reasons： to let others know that you no longer wish to be in a state of hostility with them and to free yourself from the self-defeating energy of resentment. Send love in some form to those you feel have wronged you and notice how much better you feel.
你总是听到人们这么说：“别人待我有亏，我就有权不高兴。我有权生气、痛苦、沮丧、难过和怨恨。”学会避免这种想法，则是我生活得内心平和、成功和快乐的秘诀之一。任何时候只要你心里充满了怨恨，你就是把自己的情绪放任给别人操控。
很多年以前，当我旁听一个12人戒酒戒毒康复小组的会议时，便开始意识到这是多么有力的教诲。所有这12人都惯于将自己的弱点归咎于他人，用尽几乎一切借口作为回归自毁之路的根据。屋里墙上悬挂的一张海报上写着：“在这个小组里，任何怨恨都是不合理的。”
不管哪个人要对小组里的其他成员说什么，不管其指责是多么地咄咄逼人或令人厌恶，每个人都被提醒说，任何怨恨都是不合理的。你也许先要细想你怨恨的到底是谁，然后再自己选择这样做对你来说是否有用。怨恨给了你借口去重走老路。这正是当初将你引入歧途的根源！
从你的生活里去除怨恨和责难意味着你将永远不再把自己所经历的事情的责任转嫁于他人。它意味着你愿意说：“我也许不明白我为何有这种感受，为何有这种毛病，为何曾经受到伤害，或是为何我曾遇到这种事故，但我将愿意毫无愧疚或怨恨地说，这都是我的问题。我接受，并为之负责，承认其为自己生命的一部分。”为什么要这样做呢？如果你为其负责，那么至少你还有机会为解决问题或是吸取教训也负上责任。
如果你肯为偏头痛或是情绪低落而负上微小（或不明）的责任，那么你可以通过工作来去除或是发现它向你传递了怎样的信息。但如果，从另一方面说，在你心目中其他某人或某事对此负有责任，那么当然了，你将不得不等待，直到外力外事为你而改变来让情况好转。而这不大可能会发生。
首先，你必须停止责备。然后，你必须学着向所有人散发爱心，而非怒气和怨气。就像没有人能够为你定性一样，你也没有特权为他人定性。当你停止评判，变成只是单纯地观察时，你会了解到内心的平和。有了那种内心平和的感觉后，你将发现自己从怨恨的负能量中解脱出来，从而能够过上知足常乐的生活。一个额外的好处是，你将发现其他人更加为你所吸引了。一个平和的人会吸引平和的能量。
几乎所有心灵修炼的根基都是宽恕的观念。想一想每个曾经伤害过你，愚弄过你，欺骗过你或是对你言语不善的人。你对其感受不过是一个你挥之不去的念头罢了。这些怨恨、愤怒和憎恶的念头代表了迟缓而虚弱的能量，将会剥夺你的力量。如果你能够将其放下，你将会了解更多的平和。
你要为如下两个原因而练习宽恕：让其他人知道你不再想要处于敌意的状态，并且将你自己从怨恨的自毁能量中解脱出来。以某种方式向那些你认为曾经错待过你的人散发爱心，并留意一下自己的心情到底有多舒畅吧。
小资
“正能量”（positive energy）本是物理学名词，该词的流行源于英国心理学家理查德·怀斯曼的著作《正能量》。在书中，理查德·怀斯曼将人体比作一个能量场，通过激发个体的内在潜能，产生“正能量”，从而使个体表现出一个全新的自我，从而更加自信、充满活力。当下，中国人为所有积极的、健康的、充满希望的人和事都贴上了“正能量”的标签。它已经上升成为一个具备象征意义的符号，与我们的情感深深相系。
“负能量”（negative energy）是一种能迅速把人的心情拉低，并让人消沉的东西。只有多一些能令人积极向上的正能量，才能把现实踩在脚下，而不是扛在肩上。由高群书导演制作的电影《神探亨特张》使得“负能量”一词流行。
I became aware of how powerful this lesson was many years ago while sitting in on a meeting of 12 people who were in a recovery group for alcoholism and drug addiction. All 12 of those people were accustomed to blaming others for their weaknesses， using almost any excuse as a rationale for returning to their self-defeating ways. On a poster hanging in the room were these words： “In this group， there are no justified resentments.”
Regardless of what anyone would say to another group member， no matter how confrontational or ugly the accusations， each person was reminded that there are no justified resentments. You may need to consider whom you resent before you make your own choice about whether this is useful for you. Resentments give you an excuse to return to your old ways. This is what got you there in the first place！
Removing resentment and blame from your life means never assigning responsibility to anyone for what you’re experiencing. It means that you’re willing to say， “I may not understand why I feel this way， why I have this illness， why I’ve been victimized， or why I had this accident， but I’m willing to say without any guilt or resentment that I own it. I live with， and I am responsible for， having it in my life.” Why do this？ If you take responsibility for having it， then at least you have a chance to also take responsibility for removing it or learning from it.
If you’re in some small （perhaps unknown） way responsible for that 3）migraine headache or that depressed feeling， then you can go to work to remove it or discover what its message is for you. If， on the other hand， someone or something else is responsible in your mind， then of course you’ll have to wait until they change for you to get better. And that is unlikely to occur.
First， you have to get past blame. Then you have to learn to send love to all， rather than anger and resentment. Just as no one can define you， neither do you have the privilege of defining others. When you stop judging and simply become an observer， you will know inner peace. With that sense of inner peace， you’ll find yourself free of the negative energy of resentment， and you’ll be able to live a life of 4）contentment. A 5）bonus is that you’ll find that others are much more attracted to you. A peaceful person attracts peaceful energy.
At the root of virtually all spiritual practice is the notion of forgiveness. Think about every single person who has ever harmed you， cheated you， 6）defrauded you， or said unkind things about you. Your experience of them is nothing more than a thought that you carry around with you. These thoughts of resentment， anger， and hatred represent slow， 7）debilitating energies that will 8）disempower you. If you could release them， you would know more peace.
You practice forgiveness for two reasons： to let others know that you no longer wish to be in a state of hostility with them and to free yourself from the self-defeating energy of resentment. Send love in some form to those you feel have wronged you and notice how much better you feel.
你总是听到人们这么说：“别人待我有亏，我就有权不高兴。我有权生气、痛苦、沮丧、难过和怨恨。”学会避免这种想法，则是我生活得内心平和、成功和快乐的秘诀之一。任何时候只要你心里充满了怨恨，你就是把自己的情绪放任给别人操控。
很多年以前，当我旁听一个12人戒酒戒毒康复小组的会议时，便开始意识到这是多么有力的教诲。所有这12人都惯于将自己的弱点归咎于他人，用尽几乎一切借口作为回归自毁之路的根据。屋里墙上悬挂的一张海报上写着：“在这个小组里，任何怨恨都是不合理的。”
不管哪个人要对小组里的其他成员说什么，不管其指责是多么地咄咄逼人或令人厌恶，每个人都被提醒说，任何怨恨都是不合理的。你也许先要细想你怨恨的到底是谁，然后再自己选择这样做对你来说是否有用。怨恨给了你借口去重走老路。这正是当初将你引入歧途的根源！
从你的生活里去除怨恨和责难意味着你将永远不再把自己所经历的事情的责任转嫁于他人。它意味着你愿意说：“我也许不明白我为何有这种感受，为何有这种毛病，为何曾经受到伤害，或是为何我曾遇到这种事故，但我将愿意毫无愧疚或怨恨地说，这都是我的问题。我接受，并为之负责，承认其为自己生命的一部分。”为什么要这样做呢？如果你为其负责，那么至少你还有机会为解决问题或是吸取教训也负上责任。
如果你肯为偏头痛或是情绪低落而负上微小（或不明）的责任，那么你可以通过工作来去除或是发现它向你传递了怎样的信息。但如果，从另一方面说，在你心目中其他某人或某事对此负有责任，那么当然了，你将不得不等待，直到外力外事为你而改变来让情况好转。而这不大可能会发生。
首先，你必须停止责备。然后，你必须学着向所有人散发爱心，而非怒气和怨气。就像没有人能够为你定性一样，你也没有特权为他人定性。当你停止评判，变成只是单纯地观察时，你会了解到内心的平和。有了那种内心平和的感觉后，你将发现自己从怨恨的负能量中解脱出来，从而能够过上知足常乐的生活。一个额外的好处是，你将发现其他人更加为你所吸引了。一个平和的人会吸引平和的能量。
几乎所有心灵修炼的根基都是宽恕的观念。想一想每个曾经伤害过你，愚弄过你，欺骗过你或是对你言语不善的人。你对其感受不过是一个你挥之不去的念头罢了。这些怨恨、愤怒和憎恶的念头代表了迟缓而虚弱的能量，将会剥夺你的力量。如果你能够将其放下，你将会了解更多的平和。
你要为如下两个原因而练习宽恕：让其他人知道你不再想要处于敌意的状态，并且将你自己从怨恨的自毁能量中解脱出来。以某种方式向那些你认为曾经错待过你的人散发爱心，并留意一下自己的心情到底有多舒畅吧。
小资
“正能量”（positive energy）本是物理学名词，该词的流行源于英国心理学家理查德·怀斯曼的著作《正能量》。在书中，理查德·怀斯曼将人体比作一个能量场，通过激发个体的内在潜能，产生“正能量”，从而使个体表现出一个全新的自我，从而更加自信、充满活力。当下，中国人为所有积极的、健康的、充满希望的人和事都贴上了“正能量”的标签。它已经上升成为一个具备象征意义的符号，与我们的情感深深相系。
“负能量”（negative energy）是一种能迅速把人的心情拉低，并让人消沉的东西。只有多一些能令人积极向上的正能量，才能把现实踩在脚下，而不是扛在肩上。由高群书导演制作的电影《神探亨特张》使得“负能量”一词流行。