2009年高考北京卷情景作文评析

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   一、题目分析
  
   2009年北京高考英语的情景作文充分体现了该套试卷“中规中矩”的特点,由四幅连环画组成,与学生日常生活密切相关。内容为某学校学生参加植树活动的过程。该题型是传统题型,很多学生都曾经练习过类似题目。只要考生能够把握文章时态,包含图中要点,逻辑清晰,语句通顺,就能拿到不错的分数。请看题目要求:
   假设你是红星中学高三(1)班的学生李华,为响应绿化祖国的号召,你班四月十二日去郊区植树。请根据以下四幅图的先后顺序,介绍植树活动的全过程,给某英文杂志的“绿色行动”专栏写一篇以“Green Action in Our Class”为题的英文稿件。
   注意:词数不少于60
   提示词:郊区 suburbs
  


   我们先来审题:这是一篇记叙文;人称是第一人称;时态为一般过去时。内容要点依次为:1. 骑车去植树; 2. 植树; 3. 安插提示牌; 4. 照相; 5. 感想
  
   二、评分原则
  
   1. 本题总分为20分,按5个档次给分。
   2. 评分时,先根据文章的内容和语言质量初步确定其档次,然后以该档次的要求来衡量,确定或调整档次,最后给分。
   3. 评分时应考虑:内容要点,上下文的连贯,词汇和句式的多样性及语言的准确性。
   4. 拼写、标点符号或书写影响内容表达时,应视其影响程度予以考虑。英、美拼写及词汇用法均可接受。
   5. 词数少于60,从总分中减去1分。
   不抄题目不扣分
   自我介绍部分忽略
   不写结尾(感想)减一分
  
   三、考生作文
  
   下面我们来看几篇考生的典型作文
   例文1: I’m Li Hua, a student from Senior Three, Class One of Hongxing Middle School. In order to beautify our environment, we held a meetinging—planting trees in suburbs.
   On April 12nd, our class happily set out together to approach the forest. The sun was shining brightly and the flowers along the road were beautiful, which made everyone smile sweetly. After the arrival, boys got down to planting quickly, while girls helping water the trees. Despite our tiredness, we worked happily. Thanks to the great efforts, we finished the plan on time and made a board saying “Please protect the trees.” Finally, we took some photos to memorize this unforgettable event.
   From this experience, we not only enjoyed a happy thing, but also made a contribution to the environment. Therefore, we were very satisfied indeed.
   覆盖所有内容要点, 有细节支撑,用词准确, 使用语句间连接成分,语法错误较少,开头自我介绍非稿件题材所要求内容,但此次阅卷中忽略不计。17分
   例文2: In order to do some good deeds to help to improve our environment, our class organized an activity to plant trees in suburbs.
  Early in the morning, April 12th, I together with my fellowmates rode to the suburbs. The sun shone upon us and the wind blew swiftly above the growing trees. Finally, we arrived at our destination.
   Soon after that, we ran into actions. Some of us dug holes on the ground, and it was some of us’s duty to carrying the little trees and place the roots of them in the holes and cover them with earth. Girls made contributions to watering the little trees. After couples of hours’ hardwork, little trees were all planted. We also put a board into the ground. On the board we wrote a notice said ‘Please protect trees’, which was also our purpose of this journey.
   At the end of our action, photos of us were taken in order to let this meaningful action remain in our minds forever.
   Regardless of tiredness and tough work, we went home with satisfaction.
   覆盖所有内容要点, 有细节描述,句式和词汇比较丰富,准确, 所写内容连贯,结构紧凑,体现了较强的语言运用能力。16 分
   例文3: I’m Li Hua from class one senior three of Red Star Middle School. On April 12th, our class went to suburbs to plant trees in order to green our country.
   We got up early that day and to suburbs by bike happily. When we arrived, we soon took actions. We worked into different groups. Some people helped carrying the small trees. Some people planted trees. Others watered the trees that had been planted. After that, we set up a sign reads “Protecting the trees” beside the trees. Finally, we stood beside the sign with big smile and our monitor took a photo of you. Tired but happy, we finished our action.
  I like this activity not only because it’s good for environment, but also because it’s educational. I’d like to take part in the same action next time.
   很好完成任务,行文流畅表达自然丰富,极少量的语言错误。15分
   例文4: As a student of Grade Three, we are heavy burdened with lots of homework, but sometimes we also have a rest and get close to our Mother Nature.
   Early in the morning of April, 12th, we set out to the countryside by bicycle, wearing big smiles on our face. When we got there, we hurriedly to do our work as planned. Some of us carried the trees to be planted, while some others dug holes and others watered the trees which was just planted. Looking at the beautifully planted trees, we found it was necessary to set a broad to tell other tourists to protect those trees. Then my classmates dug a hole and another place a broad there.
   Though we felt a little tired after planting trees, our heart was filled up with happiness. We then took a photo beside the broad proudly. During this green action, we attach importance to protect our environment and we shall value the experience forever.
   覆盖所有要点,有必要细节支撑,句型较为丰富,但有一些语言错误。14分
   例文5: My name is Li Hua, HongXing Middle School, Grade Three, Class one. To take part in the activities of protecting environments, our class went to plant trees in suburbs in April 12th.
   In the morning, we went to suburbs by bike instead of by car. At the beginning, having arrived the suburbs, some classmates drug some holes on earth to plant trees in it. In addition, others brought some small trees. Further more, girls watered the trees which had been planted. Not only did we plant trees, but also set a board besided the trees which says “Protecting Trees”. At last, all of our classmates took a photo in front of the new planting trees.
   All in all, there’s no doubt that we’re supposed to make every effort on protecting our environment. Earth is to human—beings what mother to babies. It’s the nature that gives us a place to live in. Therefore, let us insist on taking care of our earth.
   覆盖了内容要点,细节描写不够充分,基本完成规定任务,句式和词汇基本满足任务要求,但存在语法用词错误,不影响理解。12分
   例文6: I’m Li Hua, a student of Senior 3 Class 1 of Hong Xing Middle School. In order to respond to the appealation of making our country greener, our class decided to go to suburbs to plant trees on April 12th.
   Early in the morning, we went to the destination by bike. There are many trees and rice by the side of the road. On our way to there, we enjoyed the beautiful view and talked happily. As soon as we got there, we began to work. Some of us dug, some buried, some watered and the rest took the trees to the places where need them. After planting trees, we close an obvious place to make a sign read “Protect trees” stand to stop people from cutting trees. At last, we took photos in front of the trees. Almost worn out as we were, we estremely excited, for we did a qualification deed.
   覆盖内容要点,有一定细节支撑,试图运用丰富的词汇和句式,但导致了较多错误。
   两种风格,及格:要点全但简单;细节全多,但错误较多。12分
   例文7: I am LiHua, a student in class One, Grade Two in HongXing High School. In order to support Green Action in China, our class went to suburbs to plant trees on April 12th.
   With rising sun, we rode bikes to the suburbs happily. After we arrived there, not wasting a minute, we began to work. Some digged holes with tools, some translated the little trees and the others planted and watered them. Then we made a sign, which says “Protect trees actively, please” At last, all of us took a meaningful photo standing next to the trees.
   The Green Action leaves us a special memory. And we will continue to do something like this to protect our environments.
   尽管对要点进行了描述,但语法用词方面错误较多,影响对所写内容的理解。11分
   例文8: Our class had a green action in April 12th—the planting Day, to respond the calling of greening our country. The action was to plant trees in suburbs and take care of them after that.
   The weather was pretty good, as well as our mood. In the morning, we went to suburbs by bike. When we got there, we began our action. We were divided into three groups. One group dig the holes, and one group carried the trees and hold them up in the hole. The other group did the watering at last. All our classmates spared no effort to plain the trees that soon all the trees, a sum of 50, were planted. Then, we set up a board, saying that take care of the lively trees, please.” At last, we took a photo to memory this meaningful experience.
   Tired as we were, but we what felt more was happiness. We knew that, we contributed our effort to green our country. That’s a lot of meanful.
   咋一看及格以上——迷惑性大,但仔细一看,遗漏要点,且表达不够准确。 9分
   例文9: On April 12th, our class went to the suburbs in order to plant trees. We went there by bike. It was a nice day. And we were all happy. At first, the boys made holes, and then they made the tree into the holes. At the same time, they put the soil to the holes. Last but not least, the girls watered the trees with blanket. When all trees were planted, we set up a signal. “Protecting trees” was on the signal. At last, we had a photo before the trees. Everyone was happy.
   I will never forget that day. Only in this way can we live much better.
   句式和词汇有限,语法和用词错误对部分要点描述有影响。8分
   例文10: On April 12th, to respond the environmental pofection call, our class went to suburbs for planting. It was a sunny day, we went to the suburbs by bike. At the suburbs, my classmates was digging the ground to make space for the tree. Finished digging, we put the tree in the hole and water it. By everyone’s effort, we finished very soon, and we set a board read “Protect trees”. In the end, we took a picture in front of our work, and we feel so satisfied to make the world green.
   要点描述不够充分,没有展开,句式和词汇有限,部分地方表述错误影响对内容的理解。6分
   例文11: I’m LiHua, and I’m study in Hong Xing Middle School at class 1 Grade 3. At April 12th, My classmates and I went to suburbs. We wanted to plant trees, we all spred no effort to plant trees. We set up a sign to tell people to protect those trees. At last all of us took some photos with trees.
   We all very tired, but we were very happy. What an meaningful day!
   明显遗漏主要内容,植树过程细节没有,句式词汇单调贫乏,错误。5分
   例文12: Everyone likes green, me too.
  We had an action that about trees, In the morning, we went to suburbs by bicycle. We gave trees life. Everybody was hard. Then we did a sign:” love trees”. we were happy.
   I think, if we want to live happily, trees are necessary. Green means nature. When we understand trees are important, and try to do, our world will be come more beautiful.
   遗漏许多重要内容,语言表达差。2分
  
   四、 高分策略
  
   纵观以上考生作文可知高分策略为以下几方面
   (一)要点具体
   如第一幅图不能只写“骑车去植树”而要写清时间及地点,那就是4月12日清早骑车去郊外植树;第二幅图的要点不能简单地只写植树,而要写“一些人搬树苗,一些人挖坑;一些人浇水”;第三幅图要写明安插提示牌的目的是提示人们爱护树木或写清提示牌上的内容。第四幅图最好写为了纪念(记录),在树前、提示牌旁边(手拿工具)照相。还有此次活动之后的感想是不能遗漏的。
   (二)表达准确
   1. 关键词的准确
   首先是题目涉及的关键词的表达要准确,以下为考生所写的典型错误
   4月12日in / at4.12nd4.20 August, May ...
   清早 on / at the morning
   骑车 by bick / back
   植树plan; make, take
   一些人another, other
   搬 take, deliver, move, pick
   树苗seeds, tree baby, new tree
   挖 digged, bury, plough
   坑earth, ground, cave, hold, held, huge, hug , soil, whole
   浇水wash, give offer water, pour
   安插 made, take mark, place, knock
   提示牌 board, sign, wood, warning, broad, brand, notice, mark, title, signal, single, block, word, ad, stick
   提示人们爱护树木protect, take care of, love, care, keep, save, green
   照相 take phoes, phone, potato
   为了纪念(记录),在树前,提示牌旁边(besides) (手拿工具)照相 at / inthere
   2. 谓语动词的准确
   考生作文中易犯的谓语动词错误主要有两类,一类是“多动症”,即多用了谓语动词。如:
   We are water the trees.
   We were water the trees.
   We were watered the trees
   第二类是“少动症”,即少用了谓语动词或者把其它词性的词误用为谓语动词。如:
   典型错误有: We bied bike to go to the suburbs. We very happy.
   3. 动词的过去式的拼写
   北京卷的情景作文一般是记叙文,基本时态为一般过去时,这就要求学生对常见动词的过去式的拼写一定要准确。如这篇作文中“挖坑”的“挖”, 约80%的考生把过去式写错,直接影响了得分。
   4. 书写规范
   考生的书写直接影响阅卷老师的印象,因此考生要力求书写规范,美观,便于阅卷老师审阅。还要注意以下问题:首先是用笔,北京的英语阅卷均在网上进行,需要将考生的试卷扫描进计算机,因此笔的粗细要合适,太粗太细均影响扫描后的效果。其次是大小适中,一般来说字的大小占到两线之间空隙的三分之二为最佳。最后是间距合适:词与词之间的间距为一个字母最好,单词中字母之间的间距不能太小,否则阅卷老师难以辨认。
  
   五、教学建议
  
   1. 巩固提高基本写作能力
   北京高考的情景作文对学生的写作能力要求并不是太高,只要具备基本的写作能力就能够保证考生的得分在12分即及格分以上。因此需要教师帮助学生巩固提高基本写作能力。
   首先是词汇,要帮助学生掌握基本的初中词汇和常用词汇,包括拼写及用法。
   其次是语法,要帮助学生写出语法正确的句子,尤其是时态,要克服“多动”及“少动”的毛病。学生在初中都背了很多实用的句型,这些句型在高考中如果能灵活运用会有较好的效果,但要切忌生搬硬套,与题目要求无关的句子即使抄上也是不能得分的。
   2. 培养审题能力
   1)结合文字提示及图片提取有效信息。如这篇作文中的自我介绍部分就是可以忽略的信息,而种树的具体步骤过程则是必须要详细描写的有效信息。
   2)围绕要点适当发挥,使内容更加具体充实。情景作文要想得高分,内容的充实是必不可少的。纵观以上高分作文,我们会发现考生们均围绕要点进行了适度的发挥,内容充实丰富,有细节支撑,体现了较强的语言运用能力。因此老师们平时要鼓励英语水平较好的学生尽量围绕要点进行适当发挥。
   3. 篇章意识,内容连贯
   多写并不意味着就一定好,而是要有篇章意识,围绕文章主题有效地使用语句间的衔接成分,所写内容连贯、结构紧凑,同时要详略得当、重点突出。
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