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E姐手记:
问及大伙的兴趣爱好,这个话题就有得说啦!看书(reading),听音乐(listening to music),打篮球(playing basketball),踢足球(playing football),收集邮票(collecting stamps),唱歌(singing songs)等。Come on,这一期咱们就来秀一下自己hobby吧!
写作指导:
1、从时态上分析,我们是在谈论我们的兴趣爱好,这是经常性的行为习惯,所以大多数情况下使用一般现在时。当然,有时如果谈到过去某一具体的事情,可能也要用到过去时。
2、从内容安排上来看,那就要看所写作的“interests and hobbies”究竟是什么了。但是,不管我们选择什么,我们绝对不能只限于就事论事,而且还要把自己的看法、观点表达出来。
3、首尾的句子一定要注意安排一下,要做到前后照应。开头用来引起下文,而结尾收束全文应自然,可以带有总结性质。
习作展示:
My Hobby
Basketball is my favorite sport. It's ①one of most popular sports in the world. People all over the world enjoy it. Playing basketball is good for ②our healthy.
I like basketball. It makes me happy and ③help me stay healthy. No matter what the weather is like, ④I always play it with my friends.
Now I am on our school basketball team. I ⑤join basketball matches. Sometimes I watch a basketball match on TV. I am trying my best to play it well.
教师点评:
得分点:作者清楚地写出了自己的业余爱好。
文章前后照应,结构完整。
失分点:语法错误比较多:①文中的“one of most popular sports”应该改为“one of the most popular sports”,形容词的最高级前面往往要用定冠词“the”;②文中的“our healthy”中的“healthy”是形容词,应该改为它的名词形式,即“health”;③文中“It makes me happy and help me stay healthy”这句中的“help”和这一句中的“makes”是并列的,而不是作它的补语,应该将“help”改为“helps”。
文中的④“I always play it with my friends”改为“I always like playing it with my friends”更恰当。
句意重复。文中第一段的最后一句和第二段的第二句重复,可以将第一段的最后一句去掉。
用词不当。文中的⑤“join”应改为“take an active part in”。“join”后接某个团体或组织,表示加入某个团体或组织,并成为其中的一员;“take an active part in”后接某种群众性活动、会议等。
佳作赏析:
My Hobby
Everyone has their own hobbies. Some people enjoy reading or collecting stamps, others enjoy playing football or chatting on the Internet. What about my hobby? Mine is listening to music.
Now I'm busy with my study every day. But I never forget to listen to music when I have time. I think light music sounds very beautiful. So I like light music better. I think I can get a lot of fun in music. And music can help me relax after studying. In this way, I believe that music can not only help me stay healthy but also be good for my study.
My hobby is listening to music. It always brings me so much fun. It has become one of the most important parts in my life.
精彩点评:
这篇文章,语言简明、条理清楚,并且运用了复合句,呈现了句式的多样性。小作者首先从写大家的爱好入手,引出写自己的爱好,接着写了爱好对“我”的影响,首尾呼应,使文章成为一个有机的整体,给人以客观可信的感觉。
问及大伙的兴趣爱好,这个话题就有得说啦!看书(reading),听音乐(listening to music),打篮球(playing basketball),踢足球(playing football),收集邮票(collecting stamps),唱歌(singing songs)等。Come on,这一期咱们就来秀一下自己hobby吧!
写作指导:
1、从时态上分析,我们是在谈论我们的兴趣爱好,这是经常性的行为习惯,所以大多数情况下使用一般现在时。当然,有时如果谈到过去某一具体的事情,可能也要用到过去时。
2、从内容安排上来看,那就要看所写作的“interests and hobbies”究竟是什么了。但是,不管我们选择什么,我们绝对不能只限于就事论事,而且还要把自己的看法、观点表达出来。
3、首尾的句子一定要注意安排一下,要做到前后照应。开头用来引起下文,而结尾收束全文应自然,可以带有总结性质。
习作展示:
My Hobby
Basketball is my favorite sport. It's ①one of most popular sports in the world. People all over the world enjoy it. Playing basketball is good for ②our healthy.
I like basketball. It makes me happy and ③help me stay healthy. No matter what the weather is like, ④I always play it with my friends.
Now I am on our school basketball team. I ⑤join basketball matches. Sometimes I watch a basketball match on TV. I am trying my best to play it well.
教师点评:
得分点:作者清楚地写出了自己的业余爱好。
文章前后照应,结构完整。
失分点:语法错误比较多:①文中的“one of most popular sports”应该改为“one of the most popular sports”,形容词的最高级前面往往要用定冠词“the”;②文中的“our healthy”中的“healthy”是形容词,应该改为它的名词形式,即“health”;③文中“It makes me happy and help me stay healthy”这句中的“help”和这一句中的“makes”是并列的,而不是作它的补语,应该将“help”改为“helps”。
文中的④“I always play it with my friends”改为“I always like playing it with my friends”更恰当。
句意重复。文中第一段的最后一句和第二段的第二句重复,可以将第一段的最后一句去掉。
用词不当。文中的⑤“join”应改为“take an active part in”。“join”后接某个团体或组织,表示加入某个团体或组织,并成为其中的一员;“take an active part in”后接某种群众性活动、会议等。
佳作赏析:
My Hobby
Everyone has their own hobbies. Some people enjoy reading or collecting stamps, others enjoy playing football or chatting on the Internet. What about my hobby? Mine is listening to music.
Now I'm busy with my study every day. But I never forget to listen to music when I have time. I think light music sounds very beautiful. So I like light music better. I think I can get a lot of fun in music. And music can help me relax after studying. In this way, I believe that music can not only help me stay healthy but also be good for my study.
My hobby is listening to music. It always brings me so much fun. It has become one of the most important parts in my life.
精彩点评:
这篇文章,语言简明、条理清楚,并且运用了复合句,呈现了句式的多样性。小作者首先从写大家的爱好入手,引出写自己的爱好,接着写了爱好对“我”的影响,首尾呼应,使文章成为一个有机的整体,给人以客观可信的感觉。