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Watching my mother’s sleeping body 1）strapped to a hospital bed， carried downstairs and put into an ambulance， was like watching a silent movie in slow motion. My mind tried to make sense of the situation. Why were they taking her away？ My father was convinced she was “mental” and had signed her into a psychiatric institution. My mother had always been different. She was socially awkward， had no friends， and didn’t like to be touched or hugged. Years later， comments my father made about her unfeminine ways would finally make sense to me.
After three days we were allowed to visit. A 1980s UK psychiatric ward is not something any 14-year-old should experience. It was incredibly frightening and sad. Mum was happy to see us. “I have done everything they asked of me， and I can come home now！” she exclaimed. I’ll never forget her face when they refused. Her mistake was a huge meltdown. She was dragged away， drugged， and her true spirit was gone forever.
Over the next 15 years， she was permanently drugged as they tried to find a combination that worked. One such combination made her psychotic and she jumped from the roof. She became lost in her own world after 18 sessions of 2）shock therapy. Eventually， her life ended tragically when they gave her a toxic combination of medication. She was finally gone from the tormented world of institutions， and I grew up with an enormous fear of mental health organisations and professionals， and that I could also have schizophrenia， 3）manic depression and 4）paranoia （as they misdiagnosed my mother）.
Throughout my life， I struggled to fit in. Social situations overwhelmed me， and making eye contact was painful. I was labelled as stuckup， but the reality was that I just had no idea how to carry a conversation. I didn’t understand the world， and the fear of being locked away constantly made me fearful.
In the mid-1990s， I met Paul， who is now my partner. He understood me （and vice versa）. Years later， an advertisement about Tourette’s made me wonder whether there was something different about us. Modern technology meant that it was now much easier to search for such things， and I soon realised Paul had a form of autism， and a lot of the symptoms were ringing bells with me.
The word autism had previously brought to mind images of a non-verbal person flapping hands and rocking in the corner， shut off from the world. I never realised that the Autism Spectrum could be so diverse. Days of researching the internet， reading books from the library， and even watching a movie called 5）Mozart and the Whale about a couple with Asperger’s， was an emotional 6）rollercoaster for both of us. Paul collapsed in the middle of cooking dinner one night. His legs went weak from the sheer enormity of it all. In some ways it was like going through the five stages of grief： disbelief， grief， anger， despair and acceptance. We both went to see a psychologist. Paul was quickly diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome， however I was initially misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. My fears were ignited； I was going to end up in an institution for the rest of my life. I left the office in despair. I didn’t know then that women and girls with autism or Asperger’s are often misdiagnosed with bipolar or a personality disorder. As time went on Paul flourished， finally able to understand himself， but I felt doomed. I could not make the connection to my misdiagnosis of bipolar.
Six months later， we saw a new 7）GP. She quickly confirmed I did not have bipolar. She watch the odd interactions between Paul and I， and sent me to a psychiatrist. I was videoed， filled out questionnaires， wrote an essay about my childhood， and completed reading and tracking tests which showed I had a learning difficulty despite having an IQ over 150. My final diagnosis was Asperger’s and 8）ADHD.
At the time of testing， it was explained that my Asperger’s was “different”， however now a female profile of Asperger’s is emerging. A new diagnostic tool designed by Professor 9）Tony Attwood has improved the diagnostic process， sparing girls and women from damage caused by misdiagnosis. Finally I also had acceptance in my life. We both now understand who we are， which gives us personal empowerment. We no longer listen to naysayers. More importantly， we now have a direction and a purpose to our different， but no less important， lives.
Barb and Paul are embarking on a year-long motorcycle ride around Australia to film a new documentary， Autism All Grown Up， which will investigate the difficulties faced by adults on the spectrum.
目睹母亲熟睡的身体被绑在担架上抬下楼，并被放进一辆救护车里，我感觉就像在看一部慢动作的无声电影。我试图搞清状况。为什么他们要把她带走呢？我的父亲坚信母亲“疯了”，并将她托付给了一家精神病院。我的母亲一直都与众不同。她不善交际，没有朋友，也不喜欢被触碰或是拥抱。多年以后，我终于懂得了父亲对于母亲不够女人的评价。
三天之后，我们被允许探访。二十世纪八十年代的英国精神科病房并非一个14岁的孩子该体验的地方，那里令我极度害怕和沮丧。母亲见到我们很开心。“我做了他们要求我做的一切，现在我可以回家了！”她大声喊道。我永远都忘不了母亲被拒绝时的神情。她的错误便是大闹了一场。她被拖走、灌药，她真正的精神也一去不复返了。
之后的15年里，母亲一直都在吃药，因为医生试图找到一种有效的药物组合。其中一种组合使得母亲精神错乱并从楼顶跳下。在经历了18期的休克疗法之后，母亲迷失在了自己的世界当中。最终，在服用了医生给她的一种毒性药物组合之后，母亲的生命悲剧收场。她终于得以从精神病院的折磨中解脱，而我则怀着对心理健康组织及专家们的深深恐惧逐渐长大，而且我害怕自己也会患有精神分裂症、躁郁症或是妄想症（就像他们误诊了我的母亲一样）。
我这一辈子都在努力融入社会。社交场合让我不知所措，而眼神交流则令人痛苦。我被贴上“高傲自大”的标签，但事实是我只是不知道如何与人交谈。我无法理解这个世界，而被关进精神病院的恐惧一直困扰着我。 在二十世纪九十年代中期，我遇到了保罗，我现在的丈夫。他理解我（而我也理解他）。多年以后，一则关于托雷氏症候群的广告令我怀疑我们俩是不是有什么问题。现代科学技术意味着搜索此类讯息变得越来越容易，而后我很快意识到保罗有患上自闭症的征兆，而许多的症状也向我鸣起警钟。
先前“自闭症”这个词带给我的印象是一个一声不吭的人拍着手在墙角摇晃，完全与这个世界隔离。我从未意识到自闭症会有这么多类别。我们花了许多天在网上搜索，从图书馆借阅书籍，甚至还观看了一部名叫《莫扎特与鲸鱼》的电影，电影讲述了一对患有阿斯伯格综合症的夫妻，这对我们俩来讲都像是经历了一场情感上的过山车。
一天晚上，保罗在做饭做了一半的时候崩溃了。这一切的绝对重负令他的双腿不堪支撑。在某种程度上来说，这就像是经历了悲痛的五个阶段：难以置信、悲痛、愤怒、绝望和接受。我们都去看了心理医生。保罗很快被诊断为阿斯伯格综合症，然而我最初却被误诊为躁郁症。我将要在一个精神病院里了却余生，这激起了我的恐惧。我绝望地离开了诊所。当时我还不知道患有自闭症或是阿斯伯格综合症的妇女和少女时常被误诊为躁郁症或是人格障碍。随着时间的推移，保罗乐观起来，最终自我理解，而我却自觉在劫难逃。我没想到自己会被误诊为躁郁症。
六个月后，我们去看了另一个全科医生。她快速地确认我并未患有躁郁症。她观察了我与保罗之间的奇怪交流，然后把我转给了一个精神科医生。我被录像，填写问卷，写了一篇有关我童年的短文，并完成了阅读及跟踪测试，这些显示，即使智商超过150的我，也有着一定的学习障碍。我最终的诊断结果是阿斯伯格综合症和注意力缺陷多动障碍。
在测试的时候，我被告知，我的阿斯伯格综合症症状有所“不同”，而当下，女性阿斯伯格综合症的诊断标准已现雏形。由托尼·阿特伍德教授设计的一项新的诊断工具极大地改进了诊断过程，为妇女及少女们免去了因误诊而带来的伤害。终于，我也接受了自我。我们都明白自己是怎样一回事，这几乎为我们的人格重新赋权。我们不再听从那些否定我们的人。更重要的是，我们如今有了方向与目标，我们的生活，与众不同，却绝非无足轻重。
巴布和保罗为了摄制一部新的纪录片——《自闭已成人》，正着手一次长达一年的环澳大利亚摩托骑行，该片将调查成人自闭症患者所面临的困难。
After three days we were allowed to visit. A 1980s UK psychiatric ward is not something any 14-year-old should experience. It was incredibly frightening and sad. Mum was happy to see us. “I have done everything they asked of me， and I can come home now！” she exclaimed. I’ll never forget her face when they refused. Her mistake was a huge meltdown. She was dragged away， drugged， and her true spirit was gone forever.
Over the next 15 years， she was permanently drugged as they tried to find a combination that worked. One such combination made her psychotic and she jumped from the roof. She became lost in her own world after 18 sessions of 2）shock therapy. Eventually， her life ended tragically when they gave her a toxic combination of medication. She was finally gone from the tormented world of institutions， and I grew up with an enormous fear of mental health organisations and professionals， and that I could also have schizophrenia， 3）manic depression and 4）paranoia （as they misdiagnosed my mother）.
Throughout my life， I struggled to fit in. Social situations overwhelmed me， and making eye contact was painful. I was labelled as stuckup， but the reality was that I just had no idea how to carry a conversation. I didn’t understand the world， and the fear of being locked away constantly made me fearful.
In the mid-1990s， I met Paul， who is now my partner. He understood me （and vice versa）. Years later， an advertisement about Tourette’s made me wonder whether there was something different about us. Modern technology meant that it was now much easier to search for such things， and I soon realised Paul had a form of autism， and a lot of the symptoms were ringing bells with me.
The word autism had previously brought to mind images of a non-verbal person flapping hands and rocking in the corner， shut off from the world. I never realised that the Autism Spectrum could be so diverse. Days of researching the internet， reading books from the library， and even watching a movie called 5）Mozart and the Whale about a couple with Asperger’s， was an emotional 6）rollercoaster for both of us. Paul collapsed in the middle of cooking dinner one night. His legs went weak from the sheer enormity of it all. In some ways it was like going through the five stages of grief： disbelief， grief， anger， despair and acceptance. We both went to see a psychologist. Paul was quickly diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome， however I was initially misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. My fears were ignited； I was going to end up in an institution for the rest of my life. I left the office in despair. I didn’t know then that women and girls with autism or Asperger’s are often misdiagnosed with bipolar or a personality disorder. As time went on Paul flourished， finally able to understand himself， but I felt doomed. I could not make the connection to my misdiagnosis of bipolar.
Six months later， we saw a new 7）GP. She quickly confirmed I did not have bipolar. She watch the odd interactions between Paul and I， and sent me to a psychiatrist. I was videoed， filled out questionnaires， wrote an essay about my childhood， and completed reading and tracking tests which showed I had a learning difficulty despite having an IQ over 150. My final diagnosis was Asperger’s and 8）ADHD.
At the time of testing， it was explained that my Asperger’s was “different”， however now a female profile of Asperger’s is emerging. A new diagnostic tool designed by Professor 9）Tony Attwood has improved the diagnostic process， sparing girls and women from damage caused by misdiagnosis. Finally I also had acceptance in my life. We both now understand who we are， which gives us personal empowerment. We no longer listen to naysayers. More importantly， we now have a direction and a purpose to our different， but no less important， lives.
Barb and Paul are embarking on a year-long motorcycle ride around Australia to film a new documentary， Autism All Grown Up， which will investigate the difficulties faced by adults on the spectrum.
目睹母亲熟睡的身体被绑在担架上抬下楼，并被放进一辆救护车里，我感觉就像在看一部慢动作的无声电影。我试图搞清状况。为什么他们要把她带走呢？我的父亲坚信母亲“疯了”，并将她托付给了一家精神病院。我的母亲一直都与众不同。她不善交际，没有朋友，也不喜欢被触碰或是拥抱。多年以后，我终于懂得了父亲对于母亲不够女人的评价。
三天之后，我们被允许探访。二十世纪八十年代的英国精神科病房并非一个14岁的孩子该体验的地方，那里令我极度害怕和沮丧。母亲见到我们很开心。“我做了他们要求我做的一切，现在我可以回家了！”她大声喊道。我永远都忘不了母亲被拒绝时的神情。她的错误便是大闹了一场。她被拖走、灌药，她真正的精神也一去不复返了。
之后的15年里，母亲一直都在吃药，因为医生试图找到一种有效的药物组合。其中一种组合使得母亲精神错乱并从楼顶跳下。在经历了18期的休克疗法之后，母亲迷失在了自己的世界当中。最终，在服用了医生给她的一种毒性药物组合之后，母亲的生命悲剧收场。她终于得以从精神病院的折磨中解脱，而我则怀着对心理健康组织及专家们的深深恐惧逐渐长大，而且我害怕自己也会患有精神分裂症、躁郁症或是妄想症（就像他们误诊了我的母亲一样）。
我这一辈子都在努力融入社会。社交场合让我不知所措，而眼神交流则令人痛苦。我被贴上“高傲自大”的标签，但事实是我只是不知道如何与人交谈。我无法理解这个世界，而被关进精神病院的恐惧一直困扰着我。 在二十世纪九十年代中期，我遇到了保罗，我现在的丈夫。他理解我（而我也理解他）。多年以后，一则关于托雷氏症候群的广告令我怀疑我们俩是不是有什么问题。现代科学技术意味着搜索此类讯息变得越来越容易，而后我很快意识到保罗有患上自闭症的征兆，而许多的症状也向我鸣起警钟。
先前“自闭症”这个词带给我的印象是一个一声不吭的人拍着手在墙角摇晃，完全与这个世界隔离。我从未意识到自闭症会有这么多类别。我们花了许多天在网上搜索，从图书馆借阅书籍，甚至还观看了一部名叫《莫扎特与鲸鱼》的电影，电影讲述了一对患有阿斯伯格综合症的夫妻，这对我们俩来讲都像是经历了一场情感上的过山车。
一天晚上，保罗在做饭做了一半的时候崩溃了。这一切的绝对重负令他的双腿不堪支撑。在某种程度上来说，这就像是经历了悲痛的五个阶段：难以置信、悲痛、愤怒、绝望和接受。我们都去看了心理医生。保罗很快被诊断为阿斯伯格综合症，然而我最初却被误诊为躁郁症。我将要在一个精神病院里了却余生，这激起了我的恐惧。我绝望地离开了诊所。当时我还不知道患有自闭症或是阿斯伯格综合症的妇女和少女时常被误诊为躁郁症或是人格障碍。随着时间的推移，保罗乐观起来，最终自我理解，而我却自觉在劫难逃。我没想到自己会被误诊为躁郁症。
六个月后，我们去看了另一个全科医生。她快速地确认我并未患有躁郁症。她观察了我与保罗之间的奇怪交流，然后把我转给了一个精神科医生。我被录像，填写问卷，写了一篇有关我童年的短文，并完成了阅读及跟踪测试，这些显示，即使智商超过150的我，也有着一定的学习障碍。我最终的诊断结果是阿斯伯格综合症和注意力缺陷多动障碍。
在测试的时候，我被告知，我的阿斯伯格综合症症状有所“不同”，而当下，女性阿斯伯格综合症的诊断标准已现雏形。由托尼·阿特伍德教授设计的一项新的诊断工具极大地改进了诊断过程，为妇女及少女们免去了因误诊而带来的伤害。终于，我也接受了自我。我们都明白自己是怎样一回事，这几乎为我们的人格重新赋权。我们不再听从那些否定我们的人。更重要的是，我们如今有了方向与目标，我们的生活，与众不同，却绝非无足轻重。
巴布和保罗为了摄制一部新的纪录片——《自闭已成人》，正着手一次长达一年的环澳大利亚摩托骑行，该片将调查成人自闭症患者所面临的困难。