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这是CNN一位48岁的管理人员在最近得知自己患有阿斯伯格综合症后写下的一番感言。根据她本人的意愿，其真实姓名被隐去。
小资料
“Asperger’s syndrome， Autism， Aspie”——3“A”知多少？
阿斯伯格综合症（Asperger’s syndrome）是一种主要以社会交往困难及异常的兴趣行为模式为特征的神经系统发育障碍性疾病。1944年，奥地利精神病学家Asperger首先提出在分类上，阿斯伯格综合症与自闭症（又称孤独症，Autism）同属于广泛性发育障碍，两者属于同一系列中两种重轻程度不同的障碍。而Aspie一词则是由美国第一个被确诊为阿斯伯格综合症的作家及教育家Liane Holliday Willey于1999年首次提出并在日常生活中使用的，用来指代阿斯伯格综合症。
作为同属于一个系列中的两种疾病，两者之间的区别体现在：
·在平衡协调能力上，阿斯伯格综合症患者通常优于自闭症患者
·在社会适应能力上，阿斯伯格综合症患者通常优于自闭症患者
·在语言能力方面，阿斯伯格综合症患者基本没有语言障碍，而自闭症患者大多伴有语言障碍
Recently， at 48 years of age， I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. For most of my life， I knew that I was“other”， not quite like everyone else. I searched for years for answers and found none， until an assignment at work required me to research autism. During that research， I found in the lives of other people with Asperger’s threads of similarity that led to the diagnosis. Although having the diagnosis has been cathartic， it does not change the “otherness”. It only confirms it. When I talk to people about this aspect of myself， they always want to know what it means to be an “Aspie”， as opposed to a“1）Neurotypical”. Oh， dear， where to start...
The one thing people seem to know about Asperger’s， if they know anything at all， is the 2）geek factor. Bill Gates is rumored to be an Aspie. We tend to have specialized interests， and we will talk about them， 3）ad infinitum， whether you are interested or not. Recognizing my tendency to 4）soliloquize， I often choose silence， although perhaps not often enough. Due to our extensive vocabularies and uninflected manner of speaking， we are called“little professors”， or arrogant.
I don’t quite understand small talk， and early in my adult life， 5）solecisms were frequent. At meetings， I launch into business without the expected social acknowledgments. It’s not that I don’t care about people， I am just very focused on task. Do you have to rehearse greeting people to reinforce that you should do it？ I do. I am lucky to have a very dear friend who savors my 6）eccentricities. She laughs， lovingly， about one particular evening at a restaurant. Before she could get seated， I asked her what she knew about the golden ratio and began to spew everything I know about it. I re-emphasize how lucky I am to have her as a friend， because this incident occurred long before I was diagnosed.
A misconception is that Aspies do not have a sense of humor. It is true that we can be very literal， so we often miss the humor in everyday banter， but we can and do enjoy even subtle humor. Our literal interpretations， however， can be problematic. In first grade， whenever someone made a mess in the classroom， the teacher would ask a student to get the 7）janitor. The student would come back with Mr. Jones， who carried a broom and a large folding 8）dustpan. When I was asked to get the janitor， I looked all over the school and reported back to the teacher that I could not find it. After all， the person was Mr. Jones， so the janitor must be the object， right？
I lack the ability to see emotion in most facial expressions. I compensate for this deficiency by listening to the inflections in people’s voices and using logic to determine emotional context. The words people choose， their movements， or even how quickly they exit a meeting can provide clues to emotion. I also have intensified senses—touch， taste， smell， sight， and sound—so I am attuned to lights， noise， textures， and smells. In a “busy”environment， I will eventually go into sensory overload and my mind will go blank. When this happens， I have to “go away” mentally for a brief period to regain focus. When I “return”， I have to piece together what occurred while I was “away”. The additional mental processing I must do to function every day is fatiguing， and I don’t handle“9）ad hoc” very well. Being asked to respond quickly in the midst of all this other processing is difficult， sometimes impossible.
I am so sensitive to touch that a tickle hurts me. This is the hardest concept for most people to understand. How can a tickle hurt？ All I can tell you is that it does， so I avoid being touched except by those who have learned how to touch me. Hugs are dispensed infrequently， but if I do hug someone， I resemble 10）Frankenstein’s monster， arms extended to control contact. When my dad（who I suspect is an Aspie， too） and I hug， we both have “the approach”. In school， other children noted my differences， and I was bullied （and tickled into fits of despair） for years. When you are weird， you are a joke. When you are a loner， you frighten people. It’s always the quiet ones...
I am married （wow！）， and my brilliant husband is an absolute sweetheart. I don’t know any other man who has the self-confidence to be pushed away （sometimes sharply）， both physically and mentally， as often as he has been. I live with anxiety， because the world can be overwhelming and people have expectations that I always， sooner or later， fail to meet. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have been told that I am rude， inaccessible or cold， yet I have never purposely tried to harm anyone， nor do I mean to be， well， mean.
I could tell you so much more， but instead let me share one last insight. Don’t pity me or try to cure or change me. If you could live in my head for just one day， you might weep at how much beauty I perceive in the world with my exquisite senses. I would not trade one small bit of that beauty， as overwhelming and powerful as it can be， for“normalcy”. 不久前，我在48岁这个年纪被诊断患有阿斯伯格综合症。在我生命中的大多数时候，我知道自己是个“异类”，和其他人不大一样。多年来我一直搜寻答案，却一无所获，直到工作中的一项任务需要我去研究自闭症。在那次研究当中，我从其他患有阿斯伯格综合症的人的生活中发现，我与他们有着一连串的相似点，从而得出了那个诊断结果。虽然有了诊断结果让人如释重负，但它并未改变那份“异类”特性，只是将情况证实了而已。当我向人们谈起我的这一面时，他们总是想知道“自闭症患者”与“神经正常之人”到底有何不同。哦，天啊，从何说起呢……
要说人们对阿斯伯格综合症患者的了解，应该就是这类人的“极客”特性。传言比尔·盖茨就是一个阿斯伯格综合症患者。我们往往有着特定的兴趣，而且我们会没完没了地谈论那些兴趣，不管你是不是感兴趣。因为察觉到自己自言自语的倾向，我时常选择沉默不语，尽管能这样自控的次数可能算不上“时常”。由于我们庞大的词汇量以及单调乏味的说话方式，我们总被称作“小学究”，亦或是傲慢自大之人。
我不太明白什么是寒暄闲聊，而且在我成年生活的早期，失礼之事时而有之。开会的时候，我直接切入正题，并不夹带意料之中的社交致谢。并非我目中无人，我只是过于关注工作。你们需要排演跟人打招呼来训练自己必须和人寒暄吗？我需要。我很幸运拥有一位密友，她欣赏我的那些怪癖。某个晚上在餐馆里发生的事情，她一直，亲切地，觉得好笑。那晚，她还没坐下来，我就问她是否知道黄金比例，而后开始滔滔不绝地将我所知的一切喷薄而出。我再次强调能有她作为自己的朋友是多么幸运的事啊，因为这小插曲发生的时间远在我被确诊之前。
对于阿斯伯格综合症患者的一个误解就是他们没有幽默感。的确，我们特别会咬文嚼字，所以我们常常会错过日常玩笑中的幽默，但是我们能够，也确实喜欢隐晦的幽默。只不过，我们一字一板的解读方式，确实是个问题。小学一年级时，每次有人把教室里弄得乱七八糟，老师就会让一个学生去把清洁工叫来。那个学生就会和拿着一把扫帚和一个大大的折叠簸箕的琼斯先生一起回来。当我被指派去叫清洁工的时候，我会找遍整所学校并向老师报告说我找不到“它”。终究，那个“人”是琼斯先生，而“清洁工”肯定是个物件儿，不是吗？
我不能通过大部分面部表情来解读情绪。我通过倾听人们声音中的语气变化并运用逻辑来判定情绪的来龙去脉，以此来弥补这个缺陷。人们选择的字眼，他们的动作，或者甚至是他们离席一场会议的速度都能提供关于情绪的线索。我也拥有极强的感官能力——触觉、味觉、嗅觉、视觉以及听觉——所以我对于光、噪音、材质以及气味极为敏感。处在一个“杂乱”的环境之中，我最终会陷入感官超载，而且我的脑袋会变得一片空白。当这种事情发生时，我不得不在心理上“离席”一小会儿以再度集中精神。当我“回来”之后，我还得拼凑起在我“离席”时发生的事情。这种我每天都必须额外进行的心理过程让人疲累，而且我不能很好地处理“突发事件”。在所有的这种另外的心理过程中被要求作出迅速反应是困难的，有时是完全不可能的。
我对于碰触太过敏感以致于挠痒都会伤到我。这也是大部分人最难理解的部分。挠痒怎么会伤到人呢？我所能告诉你的是它确实会，所以我避免被人碰触，除了那些已经知道了如何与我接触的人。拥抱是极少有的，但如果我确实要拥抱某个人，我会像是弗兰肯斯坦的怪物，把手臂伸得长长的以控制接触。当我的父亲（我猜他也是个阿斯伯格综合症患者）与我拥抱时，我们都会用那样的方式。上学的时候，其他孩子注意到了我的异常，而且我被欺负了好多年（并且被挠痒挠到了绝望的境地）。当你跟常人不一样的时候，你就是个笑柄。可当你独来独往的时候，你会让人们害怕。沉默不语之人总能弄出这样的效果……
我结婚了（哇！），而且我出色的丈夫是一个绝对的宝贝甜心。我没见过还有哪个男人能像他那样有自信，能忍受被我一次又一次地推开（有时还是狠狠地），不管是从生理上还是心理上。我生活在焦虑之中，因为这个世界难以让人应对，而且人们对我抱有的期望，我知道自己是迟早会辜负的。我无法告诉你我有多少次被告知我很粗鲁、难以接近或是冷漠，但我从未蓄意地去试图伤害任何人，我也从未想过要显得那么刻薄。
我还可以告诉你更多，但还是让我再分享最后一个观点好了。请不要可怜我，抑或是试着治愈或改变我。如果你能在我的脑袋里待上哪怕一天，你可能会因为我用自己那些精致的感官在这个世界上察觉到的众多美好而流下眼泪。我绝不会用哪怕一丁点那些美好——其震撼而强大，去换取那所谓的“正常”。
小资料
“Asperger’s syndrome， Autism， Aspie”——3“A”知多少？
阿斯伯格综合症（Asperger’s syndrome）是一种主要以社会交往困难及异常的兴趣行为模式为特征的神经系统发育障碍性疾病。1944年，奥地利精神病学家Asperger首先提出在分类上，阿斯伯格综合症与自闭症（又称孤独症，Autism）同属于广泛性发育障碍，两者属于同一系列中两种重轻程度不同的障碍。而Aspie一词则是由美国第一个被确诊为阿斯伯格综合症的作家及教育家Liane Holliday Willey于1999年首次提出并在日常生活中使用的，用来指代阿斯伯格综合症。
作为同属于一个系列中的两种疾病，两者之间的区别体现在：
·在平衡协调能力上，阿斯伯格综合症患者通常优于自闭症患者
·在社会适应能力上，阿斯伯格综合症患者通常优于自闭症患者
·在语言能力方面，阿斯伯格综合症患者基本没有语言障碍，而自闭症患者大多伴有语言障碍
Recently， at 48 years of age， I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. For most of my life， I knew that I was“other”， not quite like everyone else. I searched for years for answers and found none， until an assignment at work required me to research autism. During that research， I found in the lives of other people with Asperger’s threads of similarity that led to the diagnosis. Although having the diagnosis has been cathartic， it does not change the “otherness”. It only confirms it. When I talk to people about this aspect of myself， they always want to know what it means to be an “Aspie”， as opposed to a“1）Neurotypical”. Oh， dear， where to start...
The one thing people seem to know about Asperger’s， if they know anything at all， is the 2）geek factor. Bill Gates is rumored to be an Aspie. We tend to have specialized interests， and we will talk about them， 3）ad infinitum， whether you are interested or not. Recognizing my tendency to 4）soliloquize， I often choose silence， although perhaps not often enough. Due to our extensive vocabularies and uninflected manner of speaking， we are called“little professors”， or arrogant.
I don’t quite understand small talk， and early in my adult life， 5）solecisms were frequent. At meetings， I launch into business without the expected social acknowledgments. It’s not that I don’t care about people， I am just very focused on task. Do you have to rehearse greeting people to reinforce that you should do it？ I do. I am lucky to have a very dear friend who savors my 6）eccentricities. She laughs， lovingly， about one particular evening at a restaurant. Before she could get seated， I asked her what she knew about the golden ratio and began to spew everything I know about it. I re-emphasize how lucky I am to have her as a friend， because this incident occurred long before I was diagnosed.
A misconception is that Aspies do not have a sense of humor. It is true that we can be very literal， so we often miss the humor in everyday banter， but we can and do enjoy even subtle humor. Our literal interpretations， however， can be problematic. In first grade， whenever someone made a mess in the classroom， the teacher would ask a student to get the 7）janitor. The student would come back with Mr. Jones， who carried a broom and a large folding 8）dustpan. When I was asked to get the janitor， I looked all over the school and reported back to the teacher that I could not find it. After all， the person was Mr. Jones， so the janitor must be the object， right？
I lack the ability to see emotion in most facial expressions. I compensate for this deficiency by listening to the inflections in people’s voices and using logic to determine emotional context. The words people choose， their movements， or even how quickly they exit a meeting can provide clues to emotion. I also have intensified senses—touch， taste， smell， sight， and sound—so I am attuned to lights， noise， textures， and smells. In a “busy”environment， I will eventually go into sensory overload and my mind will go blank. When this happens， I have to “go away” mentally for a brief period to regain focus. When I “return”， I have to piece together what occurred while I was “away”. The additional mental processing I must do to function every day is fatiguing， and I don’t handle“9）ad hoc” very well. Being asked to respond quickly in the midst of all this other processing is difficult， sometimes impossible.
I am so sensitive to touch that a tickle hurts me. This is the hardest concept for most people to understand. How can a tickle hurt？ All I can tell you is that it does， so I avoid being touched except by those who have learned how to touch me. Hugs are dispensed infrequently， but if I do hug someone， I resemble 10）Frankenstein’s monster， arms extended to control contact. When my dad（who I suspect is an Aspie， too） and I hug， we both have “the approach”. In school， other children noted my differences， and I was bullied （and tickled into fits of despair） for years. When you are weird， you are a joke. When you are a loner， you frighten people. It’s always the quiet ones...
I am married （wow！）， and my brilliant husband is an absolute sweetheart. I don’t know any other man who has the self-confidence to be pushed away （sometimes sharply）， both physically and mentally， as often as he has been. I live with anxiety， because the world can be overwhelming and people have expectations that I always， sooner or later， fail to meet. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have been told that I am rude， inaccessible or cold， yet I have never purposely tried to harm anyone， nor do I mean to be， well， mean.
I could tell you so much more， but instead let me share one last insight. Don’t pity me or try to cure or change me. If you could live in my head for just one day， you might weep at how much beauty I perceive in the world with my exquisite senses. I would not trade one small bit of that beauty， as overwhelming and powerful as it can be， for“normalcy”. 不久前，我在48岁这个年纪被诊断患有阿斯伯格综合症。在我生命中的大多数时候，我知道自己是个“异类”，和其他人不大一样。多年来我一直搜寻答案，却一无所获，直到工作中的一项任务需要我去研究自闭症。在那次研究当中，我从其他患有阿斯伯格综合症的人的生活中发现，我与他们有着一连串的相似点，从而得出了那个诊断结果。虽然有了诊断结果让人如释重负，但它并未改变那份“异类”特性，只是将情况证实了而已。当我向人们谈起我的这一面时，他们总是想知道“自闭症患者”与“神经正常之人”到底有何不同。哦，天啊，从何说起呢……
要说人们对阿斯伯格综合症患者的了解，应该就是这类人的“极客”特性。传言比尔·盖茨就是一个阿斯伯格综合症患者。我们往往有着特定的兴趣，而且我们会没完没了地谈论那些兴趣，不管你是不是感兴趣。因为察觉到自己自言自语的倾向，我时常选择沉默不语，尽管能这样自控的次数可能算不上“时常”。由于我们庞大的词汇量以及单调乏味的说话方式，我们总被称作“小学究”，亦或是傲慢自大之人。
我不太明白什么是寒暄闲聊，而且在我成年生活的早期，失礼之事时而有之。开会的时候，我直接切入正题，并不夹带意料之中的社交致谢。并非我目中无人，我只是过于关注工作。你们需要排演跟人打招呼来训练自己必须和人寒暄吗？我需要。我很幸运拥有一位密友，她欣赏我的那些怪癖。某个晚上在餐馆里发生的事情，她一直，亲切地，觉得好笑。那晚，她还没坐下来，我就问她是否知道黄金比例，而后开始滔滔不绝地将我所知的一切喷薄而出。我再次强调能有她作为自己的朋友是多么幸运的事啊，因为这小插曲发生的时间远在我被确诊之前。
对于阿斯伯格综合症患者的一个误解就是他们没有幽默感。的确，我们特别会咬文嚼字，所以我们常常会错过日常玩笑中的幽默，但是我们能够，也确实喜欢隐晦的幽默。只不过，我们一字一板的解读方式，确实是个问题。小学一年级时，每次有人把教室里弄得乱七八糟，老师就会让一个学生去把清洁工叫来。那个学生就会和拿着一把扫帚和一个大大的折叠簸箕的琼斯先生一起回来。当我被指派去叫清洁工的时候，我会找遍整所学校并向老师报告说我找不到“它”。终究，那个“人”是琼斯先生，而“清洁工”肯定是个物件儿，不是吗？
我不能通过大部分面部表情来解读情绪。我通过倾听人们声音中的语气变化并运用逻辑来判定情绪的来龙去脉，以此来弥补这个缺陷。人们选择的字眼，他们的动作，或者甚至是他们离席一场会议的速度都能提供关于情绪的线索。我也拥有极强的感官能力——触觉、味觉、嗅觉、视觉以及听觉——所以我对于光、噪音、材质以及气味极为敏感。处在一个“杂乱”的环境之中，我最终会陷入感官超载，而且我的脑袋会变得一片空白。当这种事情发生时，我不得不在心理上“离席”一小会儿以再度集中精神。当我“回来”之后，我还得拼凑起在我“离席”时发生的事情。这种我每天都必须额外进行的心理过程让人疲累，而且我不能很好地处理“突发事件”。在所有的这种另外的心理过程中被要求作出迅速反应是困难的，有时是完全不可能的。
我对于碰触太过敏感以致于挠痒都会伤到我。这也是大部分人最难理解的部分。挠痒怎么会伤到人呢？我所能告诉你的是它确实会，所以我避免被人碰触，除了那些已经知道了如何与我接触的人。拥抱是极少有的，但如果我确实要拥抱某个人，我会像是弗兰肯斯坦的怪物，把手臂伸得长长的以控制接触。当我的父亲（我猜他也是个阿斯伯格综合症患者）与我拥抱时，我们都会用那样的方式。上学的时候，其他孩子注意到了我的异常，而且我被欺负了好多年（并且被挠痒挠到了绝望的境地）。当你跟常人不一样的时候，你就是个笑柄。可当你独来独往的时候，你会让人们害怕。沉默不语之人总能弄出这样的效果……
我结婚了（哇！），而且我出色的丈夫是一个绝对的宝贝甜心。我没见过还有哪个男人能像他那样有自信，能忍受被我一次又一次地推开（有时还是狠狠地），不管是从生理上还是心理上。我生活在焦虑之中，因为这个世界难以让人应对，而且人们对我抱有的期望，我知道自己是迟早会辜负的。我无法告诉你我有多少次被告知我很粗鲁、难以接近或是冷漠，但我从未蓄意地去试图伤害任何人，我也从未想过要显得那么刻薄。
我还可以告诉你更多，但还是让我再分享最后一个观点好了。请不要可怜我，抑或是试着治愈或改变我。如果你能在我的脑袋里待上哪怕一天，你可能会因为我用自己那些精致的感官在这个世界上察觉到的众多美好而流下眼泪。我绝不会用哪怕一丁点那些美好——其震撼而强大，去换取那所谓的“正常”。