论文部分内容阅读
Mum， it’s me. Hopefully， this Mothering Sunday you will get to hear those three words. I will， of course， try to phone you. I hope we will be able to speak for the allowed 10 minutes. But I suspect many inmates will be using the phone， so if I don’t call and if we don’t speak， then this is what I would have said：
It’s not your fault that I am here. I know that deep in your heart you have questioned whether my current circumstance is somehow your fault， if the reckless stupidity of my past is somehow a failure on your part. It is not. Only one person is to blame， only one person should hurt—me.
You have always taught me that when the room goes dark， you can wait for the lights to be switched back on or you can search in the dark and turn the light on yourself. You are my light. You always have been and always will be. There is nobody I admire more， nobody I have strived harder to please in my life， which is why my current failure hurts me so much.
I am so sorry that I will not be there to see you， but I want you to know that now， as always， you are here with me. In my darkest hours， and in the coldest loneliness of my past few months， my mind has so often wandered to the past， to when it was you and me—and I have been able to smile. Yours is the strength that I draw upon. A parent’s job is to make sure that they pass on the best of themselves to their children. You have done that. It is the inner you in me that will get me through this.
We have always joked that if our lives were a soap opera nobody would believe it， but the truth is that real life has more twists and turns. Yours is a life that has seen adoption， suicide， divorce and now an imprisoned son—your only child.
I have failed you so epically， but you have never failed me. If I think back to the tears I shed when Dad left， all those years ago， I see you through their misty glaze. You holding me and you telling me we’d be OK， and we will be. We are and always will be the best team.
Childhood heroes such as footballers， actors and rock stars are clichéd. If the job’s done right， children’s heroes should be their parents—and you are mine. The strength you showed after the divorce from Dad to find your biological parents， to go to university and get your teaching qualifications， to begin your life again， is the strength that I draw on now. It is the belief in myself， it is the belief you have in me， that tells me that once I am released I can and will rebuild my life. I will make you proud again. I will make you happy to have me as your son. Yours is the will that gets me through every day. I don’t believe you can judge a person for the mistakes they make， as we all make them， but you can judge them for what they do afterwards. And after this， when it is all over， you will still have a son with the same inner strength and the same hopes and dreams. They have not diminished. If you can dream it， then you have to believe it can happen—right？
So this Mothering Sunday， please think back to that morning in the 80s， the first Mother’s Day without Dad， when a six-year-old me got up early and made breakfast for you. Do you remember it？ Could you ever forget？ A slice of bread a doorstep thick and a wedge of cheese equally dense. You didn’t have to eat it， but you did， chewing every dry mouthful. I know now why you forced yourself—because it had been made with love. Well， things don’t change this year—this letter is that bread and cheese （it sure has plenty of the cheese！）.
I love you so much. I am sorry I have let you down， but you have taught me that we will always pick ourselves up and become better than we were before. Thank you for everything， this year more than ever：
Happy Mothering Sunday.
Love， your son
妈妈，是我。希望这个母亲节您可以听到那三个字。当然，我会尽量给您打电话。我希望我们能够说满那获准的十分钟。但是我猜到时候许多狱友都要用电话，所以要是我没给您打电话，要是我们没有说上话，那么以下就是我想说的话：
我身陷牢狱并非您的错。我知道在您内心深处，您曾质疑我如今的下场是否某种程度上是您的错，会在想我那鲁莽愚蠢的过往是否是您的过失。不是那样的。该责备的人只有一个，该受伤的人也只有一个——那就是我。
您常常教育我，当房间里黑下来，你可以等着灯自动接回电源，或者可以在黑暗中摸索，自己打开灯。您就是我的明灯。您一直都是，以后也会是。在我的一生中，（除了您，）没有谁让我更敬佩的了，也没有谁会让我更努力去取悦，那就是如今的败绩让我如此伤心不已的原因。
很对不起，我不能去探望您，但我想让您知道，您常伴我左右，以前是这样，现在亦如此。在我最黑暗的日子里，在我过去几个月最冰冷的孤独中，我的思绪常常游荡到过去，回到您与我一起生活的时光中——我就能够露出笑容了。您的笑容是我依靠的力量。
家长的职责是要确保将自己最好的优点传给子女。您已经做到了。在我体内的那个您将引领我走出伤痛。
我们总是开玩笑说，要是我们的人生是一套肥皂剧，大家肯定会觉得这剧很假，但真相是真实的生活更加迂回曲折。您的人生经历过被收养、自杀、离婚，如今还有一个坐牢的儿子——您唯一的孩子。
我狠狠地让您失望了，但您却从未让我失望过。如果我回想多年前爸爸离开时我流下的泪水，我会从透着雾气的泪眼中看到您。您拥着我，跟我说，我们没事的，我们会没事的。我们确实如此，永远会是最佳的团队。
童年时的英雄，例如足球员、演员以及摇滚明星，那都是陈词滥调。要是父母尽职尽责，孩子们的英雄应该是他们的父母——而您就是我的英雄。在与父亲离婚后，您寻找亲生父母，上大学，获得您的教师资格，开始新生活，您所表现出来的勇气，就是如今我所依靠的力量。正是我心中的信念，您在我心中拥有的信念，告诉我，一旦我刑满获释，我可以，我也将重建自己的人生。我将会再让您骄傲。我会让您因为有我这个儿子而高兴。您的快乐是让我熬过每一天的信心。
我不认为人们可以因某个人犯的错而对其进行评价，因为我们都会犯错，但可以根据他们之后的表现来对其进行评价。刑满之后，一切都完了之后，您将又会拥有一个怀着同样的内在力量、同样的希望和梦想的儿子。这一切都从未消减。要是你心怀梦想，你就得相信梦想可以成真——对吧？
所以这个母亲节，请回想一下上世纪80年代的那个早上，爸爸走了之后的第一个母亲节，那时六岁的我早早起床，为您做早餐。您记得吗？您能忘记吗？门阶那么厚的一片面包，里面夹着一块同等厚度的奶酪。您没必要把它吃掉，但您吃了，一口一口干嚼着。现在我知道您为什么要强迫自己吃下了——因为那是满带爱意做出来的。嗯，今年情况并没有改变——这封信就是那片面包和奶酪（当然里面充满了奶酪！）。
我很爱很爱您。很对不起，我让您失望了，但您曾教育我，我们要不断振作自己，比以往做得更好。谢谢您所有的一切，今年更甚于往年：
母亲节快乐。
爱您的儿子
小链接
母亲节——世界各国大不同
提起母亲节，许多人就会想到5月第二个星期日。虽然这是世界范围内影响最广的母亲节，但其实是一个从美国流传开来的节日，起源于一个名叫Anna Jarvis的女士。她终身未婚，一直陪伴在母亲身边，她最早提议将其母亲于1950年逝世的5月10日定为母亲节，后美国国会确定将每年5月的第二个星期日作为法定的母亲节。而Jarvis的母亲生前最爱的康乃馨也成了母亲节的象征。
在世界其他国家，母亲节有着不同的日期。例如：2月2日——希腊；3月8日——乌克兰、阿富汗、罗马尼亚；3月21日——埃及、约旦、巴勒斯坦；基督教四旬斋戒节（指复活节前夕之前，星期天除外的四十天）的第四个星期日——爱尔兰、英国（称为Mothering Sunday，或Mid-Lent Sunday，代表花朵是紫罗兰）；5月最后一个星期日——法国、瑞典、海地；8月12日——泰国；10月第三个星期日——阿根廷；11月最后一个星期日——俄罗斯；12月8日——巴拿马、葡萄牙、西班牙；12月22日——印尼。
It’s not your fault that I am here. I know that deep in your heart you have questioned whether my current circumstance is somehow your fault， if the reckless stupidity of my past is somehow a failure on your part. It is not. Only one person is to blame， only one person should hurt—me.
You have always taught me that when the room goes dark， you can wait for the lights to be switched back on or you can search in the dark and turn the light on yourself. You are my light. You always have been and always will be. There is nobody I admire more， nobody I have strived harder to please in my life， which is why my current failure hurts me so much.
I am so sorry that I will not be there to see you， but I want you to know that now， as always， you are here with me. In my darkest hours， and in the coldest loneliness of my past few months， my mind has so often wandered to the past， to when it was you and me—and I have been able to smile. Yours is the strength that I draw upon. A parent’s job is to make sure that they pass on the best of themselves to their children. You have done that. It is the inner you in me that will get me through this.
We have always joked that if our lives were a soap opera nobody would believe it， but the truth is that real life has more twists and turns. Yours is a life that has seen adoption， suicide， divorce and now an imprisoned son—your only child.
I have failed you so epically， but you have never failed me. If I think back to the tears I shed when Dad left， all those years ago， I see you through their misty glaze. You holding me and you telling me we’d be OK， and we will be. We are and always will be the best team.
Childhood heroes such as footballers， actors and rock stars are clichéd. If the job’s done right， children’s heroes should be their parents—and you are mine. The strength you showed after the divorce from Dad to find your biological parents， to go to university and get your teaching qualifications， to begin your life again， is the strength that I draw on now. It is the belief in myself， it is the belief you have in me， that tells me that once I am released I can and will rebuild my life. I will make you proud again. I will make you happy to have me as your son. Yours is the will that gets me through every day. I don’t believe you can judge a person for the mistakes they make， as we all make them， but you can judge them for what they do afterwards. And after this， when it is all over， you will still have a son with the same inner strength and the same hopes and dreams. They have not diminished. If you can dream it， then you have to believe it can happen—right？
So this Mothering Sunday， please think back to that morning in the 80s， the first Mother’s Day without Dad， when a six-year-old me got up early and made breakfast for you. Do you remember it？ Could you ever forget？ A slice of bread a doorstep thick and a wedge of cheese equally dense. You didn’t have to eat it， but you did， chewing every dry mouthful. I know now why you forced yourself—because it had been made with love. Well， things don’t change this year—this letter is that bread and cheese （it sure has plenty of the cheese！）.
I love you so much. I am sorry I have let you down， but you have taught me that we will always pick ourselves up and become better than we were before. Thank you for everything， this year more than ever：
Happy Mothering Sunday.
Love， your son
妈妈，是我。希望这个母亲节您可以听到那三个字。当然，我会尽量给您打电话。我希望我们能够说满那获准的十分钟。但是我猜到时候许多狱友都要用电话，所以要是我没给您打电话，要是我们没有说上话，那么以下就是我想说的话：
我身陷牢狱并非您的错。我知道在您内心深处，您曾质疑我如今的下场是否某种程度上是您的错，会在想我那鲁莽愚蠢的过往是否是您的过失。不是那样的。该责备的人只有一个，该受伤的人也只有一个——那就是我。
您常常教育我，当房间里黑下来，你可以等着灯自动接回电源，或者可以在黑暗中摸索，自己打开灯。您就是我的明灯。您一直都是，以后也会是。在我的一生中，（除了您，）没有谁让我更敬佩的了，也没有谁会让我更努力去取悦，那就是如今的败绩让我如此伤心不已的原因。
很对不起，我不能去探望您，但我想让您知道，您常伴我左右，以前是这样，现在亦如此。在我最黑暗的日子里，在我过去几个月最冰冷的孤独中，我的思绪常常游荡到过去，回到您与我一起生活的时光中——我就能够露出笑容了。您的笑容是我依靠的力量。
家长的职责是要确保将自己最好的优点传给子女。您已经做到了。在我体内的那个您将引领我走出伤痛。
我们总是开玩笑说，要是我们的人生是一套肥皂剧，大家肯定会觉得这剧很假，但真相是真实的生活更加迂回曲折。您的人生经历过被收养、自杀、离婚，如今还有一个坐牢的儿子——您唯一的孩子。
我狠狠地让您失望了，但您却从未让我失望过。如果我回想多年前爸爸离开时我流下的泪水，我会从透着雾气的泪眼中看到您。您拥着我，跟我说，我们没事的，我们会没事的。我们确实如此，永远会是最佳的团队。
童年时的英雄，例如足球员、演员以及摇滚明星，那都是陈词滥调。要是父母尽职尽责，孩子们的英雄应该是他们的父母——而您就是我的英雄。在与父亲离婚后，您寻找亲生父母，上大学，获得您的教师资格，开始新生活，您所表现出来的勇气，就是如今我所依靠的力量。正是我心中的信念，您在我心中拥有的信念，告诉我，一旦我刑满获释，我可以，我也将重建自己的人生。我将会再让您骄傲。我会让您因为有我这个儿子而高兴。您的快乐是让我熬过每一天的信心。
我不认为人们可以因某个人犯的错而对其进行评价，因为我们都会犯错，但可以根据他们之后的表现来对其进行评价。刑满之后，一切都完了之后，您将又会拥有一个怀着同样的内在力量、同样的希望和梦想的儿子。这一切都从未消减。要是你心怀梦想，你就得相信梦想可以成真——对吧？
所以这个母亲节，请回想一下上世纪80年代的那个早上，爸爸走了之后的第一个母亲节，那时六岁的我早早起床，为您做早餐。您记得吗？您能忘记吗？门阶那么厚的一片面包，里面夹着一块同等厚度的奶酪。您没必要把它吃掉，但您吃了，一口一口干嚼着。现在我知道您为什么要强迫自己吃下了——因为那是满带爱意做出来的。嗯，今年情况并没有改变——这封信就是那片面包和奶酪（当然里面充满了奶酪！）。
我很爱很爱您。很对不起，我让您失望了，但您曾教育我，我们要不断振作自己，比以往做得更好。谢谢您所有的一切，今年更甚于往年：
母亲节快乐。
爱您的儿子
小链接
母亲节——世界各国大不同
提起母亲节，许多人就会想到5月第二个星期日。虽然这是世界范围内影响最广的母亲节，但其实是一个从美国流传开来的节日，起源于一个名叫Anna Jarvis的女士。她终身未婚，一直陪伴在母亲身边，她最早提议将其母亲于1950年逝世的5月10日定为母亲节，后美国国会确定将每年5月的第二个星期日作为法定的母亲节。而Jarvis的母亲生前最爱的康乃馨也成了母亲节的象征。
在世界其他国家，母亲节有着不同的日期。例如：2月2日——希腊；3月8日——乌克兰、阿富汗、罗马尼亚；3月21日——埃及、约旦、巴勒斯坦；基督教四旬斋戒节（指复活节前夕之前，星期天除外的四十天）的第四个星期日——爱尔兰、英国（称为Mothering Sunday，或Mid-Lent Sunday，代表花朵是紫罗兰）；5月最后一个星期日——法国、瑞典、海地；8月12日——泰国；10月第三个星期日——阿根廷；11月最后一个星期日——俄罗斯；12月8日——巴拿马、葡萄牙、西班牙；12月22日——印尼。