A Visit to Qingdao

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  【栏目要求】
  1. 将学生习作根据中考分值给出成绩; 2. 在应该修改的地方划线并标注序号;
  3. 根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由; 4. 给学生习作点评<优点与不足>;
  5. 请点评名师提供简历一份,包括:学校、职务、 职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。
  投稿邮箱: [email protected][email protected]
  来稿请寄: 430079 华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》 杂志社 收
  本 期 点 评 名 师
  陈传光 男,35岁,中学一级教师,现任教于江苏省连云港市赣榆区罗阳中学,从事教育教学工作11年。江苏省教育学会会员,连云港市优秀教育园丁,赣榆区优秀班主任,赣榆区先进教育工作者,赣榆区教科研先进个人。曾获英语专业技能大赛市一等奖,班主任基本功大赛区一等奖。有多篇论文在各主流和核心期刊上发表。“十二五”期间3个市级课题已经顺利结题。
  I went on a visit to Qingdao with my parents this summer. It is a beautiful city with so many places to visit. But what impressed me most was Lao Mountain.
  I got up early that morning. It took us about an hour to get to① there by bus. Then we started to climb the mountain. There were trees and strange stones everywhere. The clean spring water flew along the mountain. I took some spring water and taste② it. It was fresh and a bit of③ sweet. We enjoyed the beautiful scenery while walking relaxingly. Two hours later, we were on the top of the mountain.
  It was an unforgettable experience.
  江苏省连云港市赣榆区罗阳中学八(2)班 王梦蕊
  1. 优点:
  本文是一篇关于旅游的记叙文。作者选取了其中给自己印象最深的一个景点进行描述。文章按照登山的顺序,着重描写了登山的过程,表达了自己对崂山的喜爱和爬山时的愉快心情。整篇文章文字流畅、用词得当,是一篇不错的学生习作。
  2. 需要修改的地方:
  ① to去掉。非具体地点there前要省略to。
  ② taste改为tasted。结合上下文,此处应使用一般过去时。
  ③ of去掉。a bit后接形容词或副词,a bit of后接名词。
  3. 评分:
  按江苏省连云港市中考英语作文满分25分的评分标准,本文修改前可得23分。
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点评  1.优点:  这是一篇记叙文,写“我”父亲修灯摔下椅子前后发生的事情。作者布局合理,结构完整,层次清晰,各段衔接也比较紧密。作者能学以致用,时间状语从句、一般过去时和过去进行时等都运用得很好。  2.需要修改的地方:  ①mended改为mend。want to do sth.是固定搭配,意为“想做某事”。  ②in改为into。in常用于表示静止状态;而into则表示“从外向内”的移动。
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