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My family drove ten hours, all the way from San Benito, Texas to Oakdale, Louisiana. They were my first visitors while I was in the federal prison.
I knew this wouldn’t be an easy visit because I had been in prison before, and had promised never to come again. I wanted to be at my best, so I got a fresh haircut and a clean shave. I even stayed up late the night before to starch1 and iron my prison khakis2.
When I entered the visiting room that morning, my heart was pounding. My seven-year-old grandson, Jesse, burst from the crowd and hugged me like a young bear cub. My wife, Olga, and daughter, Joanne, followed, and lavished3 more hugs and kisses on me than I can ever re－call receiving at one time.
My thoughts raced back to the day of my arrest. My family was an－gry then, but today I would make it better with my convict philosophy that says, “Crime is okay if you don’t hurt anyone.” I hadn’t robbed, raped, or killed one living soul. I simply assisted14/sup> in the transportation of drugs. My part in the offense was minor. Even the judge said so.
After I had my family gathered around me at one of the tables in the visiting area, I started defending my philosophy—a habit I learned in prison. “I’m a disabled American veteran,” I said, even if I didn’t really understand how that gave me license to violate the law. “I have the Pur－ple Heart and enough other combat ribbons to cover half my chest. I killed people for this country and almost died in the process. Now what thanks do I get but another sentence?”
As I raged on and on, I noticed Olga and Joanne exchanging glances. I was angry and hurt. I knew that in just a little while my family would be going home and I would be staying. I wanted to cry. “I haven’t hurt anyone!” I said it again, so loudly that those around us turned to stare.
I could see Olga’s eyes fill with tears as Joanne looked away. Then, with tears streaming down his little cheeks, Jesse looked at me. “What about me, Grandpa?”
As I looked down upon that little boy’s face, it hit me. I have hurt someone. In fact, I have hurt the people who care about me the most. As visiting hour ended, I hugged my family one more time and they went home—without me.
家人驾车行驶了10个小时，从得克萨斯州的圣贝尼托城来到路易斯安那州奥德尔联邦监狱看我，他们是我的第一批探视者。
我知道这不是一次轻松的探视，因为我以前也坐过牢，并且曾经许诺过绝不会再犯。我想尽力显得精神一些，于是理了发，刮了胡子。我甚至熬夜到很晚，把我的卡其布囚服浆洗了一番并且把它熨烫妥帖。
那天早上，当我走进探视室，我的心砰砰直跳。我那七岁的孙子，耶西，像一只胖嘟嘟的小熊一样从人群中冲过来拥抱我。妻子奥尔加和女儿乔安妮，则跟在他后面，给了我很多拥抱和亲吻，比我以往任何一次得到的都多。
我的思绪又回到了被捕的那天。那时，家人都很愤怒，不过现在，我的犯罪哲学已经帮助我减轻了心理上的犯罪感。我的哲学是：“如果你不害人，就不算犯罪。”我从来不曾抢劫、强奸或是杀人。我只不过是帮助运些毒品。在整个事件中，我只是个微不足道的小角色。法官也是这么说的。
我把家人领到探视室里的一张桌子边坐下，然后就开始为自己的哲学辩护——这是我在监狱里养成的习惯。“我是一个残废的美国老兵，”我说，虽然我并不真的认为这一点赋予了我触犯法律的权利。“我获得了紫心勋章（美国军队授予在战斗中受伤的军人的勋章），和足以遮住我的半个前胸的荣誉绶带。我为这个国家杀人，而且差点儿为它而死。现在除了判刑之外我又得到了什么呢？”
当我的情绪变得越来越激动的时候，我注意到奥尔加和乔安妮迅速地交换了一下眼神。我因此受到了更大的伤害，变得更加愤怒。我知道，再过一会儿，我的家人就要回家而我还要继续待在这里。我想哭。“我从没有伤害过任何人！”我又说了一遍，声音很大，我们周围的人都转身对我们瞠视着。
我看见奥尔加的眼里充满了泪水，而乔安妮则把目光移开了。耶西的眼泪像小溪一样顺着脸颊流下来。他看着我。“那么我呢，爷爷？”
当我低头看着小男孩的脸时，我震住了。我伤害了别人。事实上，我伤害了世上最关心我的人。探视结束的时间到了，我再一次拥抱我的家人，他们回家了——除了我。
丹硅摘译自Life
I knew this wouldn’t be an easy visit because I had been in prison before, and had promised never to come again. I wanted to be at my best, so I got a fresh haircut and a clean shave. I even stayed up late the night before to starch1 and iron my prison khakis2.
When I entered the visiting room that morning, my heart was pounding. My seven-year-old grandson, Jesse, burst from the crowd and hugged me like a young bear cub. My wife, Olga, and daughter, Joanne, followed, and lavished3 more hugs and kisses on me than I can ever re－call receiving at one time.
My thoughts raced back to the day of my arrest. My family was an－gry then, but today I would make it better with my convict philosophy that says, “Crime is okay if you don’t hurt anyone.” I hadn’t robbed, raped, or killed one living soul. I simply assisted14/sup> in the transportation of drugs. My part in the offense was minor. Even the judge said so.
After I had my family gathered around me at one of the tables in the visiting area, I started defending my philosophy—a habit I learned in prison. “I’m a disabled American veteran,” I said, even if I didn’t really understand how that gave me license to violate the law. “I have the Pur－ple Heart and enough other combat ribbons to cover half my chest. I killed people for this country and almost died in the process. Now what thanks do I get but another sentence?”
As I raged on and on, I noticed Olga and Joanne exchanging glances. I was angry and hurt. I knew that in just a little while my family would be going home and I would be staying. I wanted to cry. “I haven’t hurt anyone!” I said it again, so loudly that those around us turned to stare.
I could see Olga’s eyes fill with tears as Joanne looked away. Then, with tears streaming down his little cheeks, Jesse looked at me. “What about me, Grandpa?”
As I looked down upon that little boy’s face, it hit me. I have hurt someone. In fact, I have hurt the people who care about me the most. As visiting hour ended, I hugged my family one more time and they went home—without me.
家人驾车行驶了10个小时，从得克萨斯州的圣贝尼托城来到路易斯安那州奥德尔联邦监狱看我，他们是我的第一批探视者。
我知道这不是一次轻松的探视，因为我以前也坐过牢，并且曾经许诺过绝不会再犯。我想尽力显得精神一些，于是理了发，刮了胡子。我甚至熬夜到很晚，把我的卡其布囚服浆洗了一番并且把它熨烫妥帖。
那天早上，当我走进探视室，我的心砰砰直跳。我那七岁的孙子，耶西，像一只胖嘟嘟的小熊一样从人群中冲过来拥抱我。妻子奥尔加和女儿乔安妮，则跟在他后面，给了我很多拥抱和亲吻，比我以往任何一次得到的都多。
我的思绪又回到了被捕的那天。那时，家人都很愤怒，不过现在，我的犯罪哲学已经帮助我减轻了心理上的犯罪感。我的哲学是：“如果你不害人，就不算犯罪。”我从来不曾抢劫、强奸或是杀人。我只不过是帮助运些毒品。在整个事件中，我只是个微不足道的小角色。法官也是这么说的。
我把家人领到探视室里的一张桌子边坐下，然后就开始为自己的哲学辩护——这是我在监狱里养成的习惯。“我是一个残废的美国老兵，”我说，虽然我并不真的认为这一点赋予了我触犯法律的权利。“我获得了紫心勋章（美国军队授予在战斗中受伤的军人的勋章），和足以遮住我的半个前胸的荣誉绶带。我为这个国家杀人，而且差点儿为它而死。现在除了判刑之外我又得到了什么呢？”
当我的情绪变得越来越激动的时候，我注意到奥尔加和乔安妮迅速地交换了一下眼神。我因此受到了更大的伤害，变得更加愤怒。我知道，再过一会儿，我的家人就要回家而我还要继续待在这里。我想哭。“我从没有伤害过任何人！”我又说了一遍，声音很大，我们周围的人都转身对我们瞠视着。
我看见奥尔加的眼里充满了泪水，而乔安妮则把目光移开了。耶西的眼泪像小溪一样顺着脸颊流下来。他看着我。“那么我呢，爷爷？”
当我低头看着小男孩的脸时，我震住了。我伤害了别人。事实上，我伤害了世上最关心我的人。探视结束的时间到了，我再一次拥抱我的家人，他们回家了——除了我。
丹硅摘译自Life