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“问”是一门艺术，做学问须敢问、勤问和问到底。那么，面对着自己喜欢的异性朋友时，你也会主动邀请他（她）约会吗？这个暑假你准备好约他（她）出去玩了吗？Come and join our discussion.
July Topic
Host: In our society it’s usually the guy who asks the woman out. (Yeah.) Have we seen a change in that?
Ian Kerner (IK): Oh, yeah, definitely! I mean, I think, especially with the 1)proliferation of online dating, there are so many singles out there. And, you know, today women when they are online, they can wink at a guy; they can put a guy in a hot list. I mean, you know, it’s post-Sex and the City. It’s the age of third-wave 2)feminism, but I think many guys welcome women asking them out.
Host: Because I…I don’t think women know or realize it, we feel pressure, too.
IK: Oh, totally!
Regena Thomashauner (RT): I think it’s so frightening to be with a guy, because you’re expected to ask her out, take the rejection, pay for her date, and then of course be 3)psychic and read her mind and to deliver her everything that she wants. And I think if we take a little 4)guesswork out of it and we say, “Hey, you are so cute, would you go out with me?” Oh, it’d be fantastic!
Host: But what about the…what about the flip side which is not so nice—the rejection part of that? What if the guy says no?
IK: Well, listen, I don’t think it’s always about coming out and saying, “Will you go out with me?” I think it’s about being willing to start an interesting conversation with a guy, whether it’s at a bookstore, online, at a movie theater, at a café. And if you start an interesting conversation, the rejection isn’t as significant. I think that’s also about not personalizing and making it about you as much about as the situation.
Host: Do some research. Know his interests.
RT: Absolutely! Because if you go up to a guy—even if you are at a sports bar—and you say, “Hey, I have no interest in sports but you’re cute.” You know, that ’s a start. It is a beginning. You don’t want to be aggressive. You want to be attractive; you want him to be drawn to you because of the 5)fabulous gorgeous woman that you are.
Host: You say, “Don’t go on…on a group date, go on a one-on-one date.”
RT: Oh, yeah, because you want to get to know the guy. You don’t want to be stuck at…in a movie for two hours. And please, above all things, do not invite him to a wedding. It’s so…so 6)inappropriate (Yeah, that’s…that’s terrible!) for a first date.
IK: But I…I think it’s also again just being willing to start an interesting conversation with a guy somewhere and putting yourself out there.
RT: Even a not interesting conversation would work,
don’t they?
IK: No. I think you should always be as compelling, as interesting, as fascinating, as possible.
Host: We’ve got a few don’ts.
RT: I think women are fascinating, period.
Host: We’ve got some don’ts here—don’t be nervous; don’t be 7)vague; don’t be aggressive, (Yeah.) which seems almost an 8)oxymoron because you…you’re kinda being a little aggressive asking him out.
RT: I think you’re being attractive and 9)seductive. Because aggressive is frightening; that’s what hockey players do, and football players, that’s not what a woman does.
Host: And the last one, don’t get frustrated, what do you mean by that?
RT: Well I think that if you go for it, and he doesn’t get the hint, just go for it again; especially if he’s cute and adorable. Don’t be 10)fazed if he doesn’t 11)catch on at first.
七月话题
主持人：社会上通常是男士约会女士。（是的。）现在我们看到变化了吗？
伊恩·柯纳（简称IK）：嗯，有了，绝对有！我的意思是，我认为，尤其因为网上约会极度流行，到处都有很多单身人士。而且，你知道，现在女士上网的时候，她们既会向男士眨眼示意，又会把对象加入到热门列表上。你知道吧，我的意思是，这是“后《欲望都市》”潮流，是第三波女权运动时代。但我觉得很多男士都很欢迎女士主动约会他们。
主持人：因为我……我认为女士们不知道或者还没意识到，其实我们也感到压力。
IK: 嗯，没错！
雷吉娜·汤马尚纳（简称RT）：我觉得对男士来说，压力大得挺可怕的，因为你们要主动约会女方，遭到拒绝，为女方付账，接着当然还要与她心灵相通，读懂她的心，然后送上她想要的所有东西。我觉得如果我们少花一点心思，胡乱猜测，对他说：“嗨，你真帅，你会和我上街吗？”噢，那就太棒了！
主持人：但那个……那个不太愉快的负面——就是被拒绝那一幕会是怎样呢？假如男方说不呢？
IK: 呃，瞧，我不认为说句“你会和我上街吗？”就总是意味着约对方出来。我觉得这更多是试探你愿不愿意与一位男士展开有趣的谈话，无论是在书店、网上、电影院，还是在咖啡店里。假如你展开了一场生动的谈话，被拒绝就不是那么重要了。我也觉得不要把交谈变得过于个人化，不要老是聊自己，也要注意当时的场合。
主持人：做一些调查。了解他的兴趣。
RT：没错！因为假如你走近一位男士——即使你在运动氛围很浓的酒吧——你对他说：“嗨，我对体育不感兴趣，但是你很帅。”你知道吗，那便是个好开始，一个开端了。你不想咄咄逼人。你想魅力四射，并且吸引他的视线，因为你便是一位令人难以置信的美丽动人的女性。
主持人：你说：“不要去……去团队组织的约会，要去一对一的单独约会。”
RT：哦，是的。因为你想了解这位男士。你不想困在……困在电影院里两个小时。还有，尤其是千万不要邀请他参加婚礼。对于第一次约会来说，那
太……太不合适了。（是的，那……那太糟糕了！）
IK: 但我……我还是觉得只要愿意和一位男士在某个地方展开有趣的谈话，把自己投入到交谈中（很重要）。
RT：即使是谈论一个索然无味的话题也可能奏效，不是吗？
IK: 不。我觉得你们女士应该总是尽可能地引人注目，尽可能地有趣，尽可能地令人着迷。
主持人：我们有一些“不要做”的注意点。
RT：我绝对认为女人本身就很迷人。
主持人：我们这儿还有些“不要做”的注意点——不要紧张；不要含糊不清；不要过分积极主动（是的。），这好像有点自相矛盾，因为你……你主动约会男士这本身就有点积极主动了。
RT：我认为你要展现的是吸引与诱惑力。因为主动出击是令人生畏的。曲棍球手才会那样做，足球员也是。那不是女人的表现。
主持人：最后一点是，不要灰心，你的意思是什么呢？
RT：嗯，我觉得如果你做了主动，但他不明白你的暗示，那就再出击；特别是如果他是那么地帅和讨人欢心。如果他一开始不理解，你也不用担心。
你敢不敢约别人出去？
No way! I am not a wuss at all. Whenever the chance arrives I’d grab it! She may not be the right date but if I don’t ask her out, the right date may pass me for good.
Yeah, I am afraid so. I feel like an idiot if the person whom I ask out on a date rejects me. I’d rather let the other side test the waters first.
Absolutely not. How could someone like me, who has been blown off so many times, be afraid of making the first move? In other words, good or bad, I am well prepared.
It depends. If I get a crush on someone and we click very well, I’ll definitely have the guts to ask for a date. Why not?
Well, the thing that irks me big time is I get nervous easily whenever I am about to ask her out. I guess I’m not afraid but just not ready all the time.
Yes and no. Yes is because I am afraid of being rejected; no is because I want to leave a hint to the guy that I am inclined to approach him.
Boy! That’s hard to say. I don’t want to spoil the friendliness between us if I take the first step. You know, I’d ask her out without a doubt if she appears to be interested.
Yeah. I couldn’t agree more. Basically, I don’t think I have enough money to show her a good time. I’m afraid our first date will fall short of her expectation.
Tips: wuss意思是“胆小鬼”。说话者认为机会来了就要去争取（grab it意为grab the chance），免得永远地（for good）错过合适的约会。
Tips: 不敢主动约会人最普遍的原因之一就是害怕被拒绝。I am afraid so.是个委婉的肯定回答。说话者还用了个比喻，就是被拒绝后感觉像个傻瓜（I feel like an idiot）。俚语test the waters意思是在投入一件事物之前先尝试一些事情，在这里指先让对方开口。
Tips: 看得出说话者因被多次抛弃（blow sb. off）已磨炼出坚强的心，不但敢于主动出击采取第一步（make the first move），还两手准备。无论结果是好是坏都勇于面对。
Tips: 俚语get/have a crush on sb.意思是“对某人产生好感、一时的迷恋”；click意思是“合得来，情投意合”。指“有胆量做某事”就可以用have the guts to do sth.来表示。
Tips: 原来最令说话者苦恼的（irk sb. big time）是他很容易紧张。be about to do sth. 意思是“将要做某事”。说话者认为不是自己害怕，只不过并非随时都有心理准备。
Tips: Yes and no.是对问题的一种两可回答，既肯定又否定，既是又不是，既好又不好。既然如此，其后就要紧跟两种原因了（Yes is because…; no is because….）。be inclined to意思是“倾向于……；想……”。
Tips: 当表示惊奇、颂扬或厌恶的时候，可以用Boy!这个感叹词来表达。说话者不希望由于采取了主动约会这一步（take the first step，与make the first move相近）而破坏了两人间友善的交往。词组without a doubt意思是“无疑地”。
Tips: I couldn’t agree more.=I totally agree.意思是“我完全同意”。说话者觉得自己没有足够的经济能力能让对方在第一次约会中享受到美好的时光，从而达不到（fall short of）对方的期望。
July Topic
Host: In our society it’s usually the guy who asks the woman out. (Yeah.) Have we seen a change in that?
Ian Kerner (IK): Oh, yeah, definitely! I mean, I think, especially with the 1)proliferation of online dating, there are so many singles out there. And, you know, today women when they are online, they can wink at a guy; they can put a guy in a hot list. I mean, you know, it’s post-Sex and the City. It’s the age of third-wave 2)feminism, but I think many guys welcome women asking them out.
Host: Because I…I don’t think women know or realize it, we feel pressure, too.
IK: Oh, totally!
Regena Thomashauner (RT): I think it’s so frightening to be with a guy, because you’re expected to ask her out, take the rejection, pay for her date, and then of course be 3)psychic and read her mind and to deliver her everything that she wants. And I think if we take a little 4)guesswork out of it and we say, “Hey, you are so cute, would you go out with me?” Oh, it’d be fantastic!
Host: But what about the…what about the flip side which is not so nice—the rejection part of that? What if the guy says no?
IK: Well, listen, I don’t think it’s always about coming out and saying, “Will you go out with me?” I think it’s about being willing to start an interesting conversation with a guy, whether it’s at a bookstore, online, at a movie theater, at a café. And if you start an interesting conversation, the rejection isn’t as significant. I think that’s also about not personalizing and making it about you as much about as the situation.
Host: Do some research. Know his interests.
RT: Absolutely! Because if you go up to a guy—even if you are at a sports bar—and you say, “Hey, I have no interest in sports but you’re cute.” You know, that ’s a start. It is a beginning. You don’t want to be aggressive. You want to be attractive; you want him to be drawn to you because of the 5)fabulous gorgeous woman that you are.
Host: You say, “Don’t go on…on a group date, go on a one-on-one date.”
RT: Oh, yeah, because you want to get to know the guy. You don’t want to be stuck at…in a movie for two hours. And please, above all things, do not invite him to a wedding. It’s so…so 6)inappropriate (Yeah, that’s…that’s terrible!) for a first date.
IK: But I…I think it’s also again just being willing to start an interesting conversation with a guy somewhere and putting yourself out there.
RT: Even a not interesting conversation would work,
don’t they?
IK: No. I think you should always be as compelling, as interesting, as fascinating, as possible.
Host: We’ve got a few don’ts.
RT: I think women are fascinating, period.
Host: We’ve got some don’ts here—don’t be nervous; don’t be 7)vague; don’t be aggressive, (Yeah.) which seems almost an 8)oxymoron because you…you’re kinda being a little aggressive asking him out.
RT: I think you’re being attractive and 9)seductive. Because aggressive is frightening; that’s what hockey players do, and football players, that’s not what a woman does.
Host: And the last one, don’t get frustrated, what do you mean by that?
RT: Well I think that if you go for it, and he doesn’t get the hint, just go for it again; especially if he’s cute and adorable. Don’t be 10)fazed if he doesn’t 11)catch on at first.
七月话题
主持人：社会上通常是男士约会女士。（是的。）现在我们看到变化了吗？
伊恩·柯纳（简称IK）：嗯，有了，绝对有！我的意思是，我认为，尤其因为网上约会极度流行，到处都有很多单身人士。而且，你知道，现在女士上网的时候，她们既会向男士眨眼示意，又会把对象加入到热门列表上。你知道吧，我的意思是，这是“后《欲望都市》”潮流，是第三波女权运动时代。但我觉得很多男士都很欢迎女士主动约会他们。
主持人：因为我……我认为女士们不知道或者还没意识到，其实我们也感到压力。
IK: 嗯，没错！
雷吉娜·汤马尚纳（简称RT）：我觉得对男士来说，压力大得挺可怕的，因为你们要主动约会女方，遭到拒绝，为女方付账，接着当然还要与她心灵相通，读懂她的心，然后送上她想要的所有东西。我觉得如果我们少花一点心思，胡乱猜测，对他说：“嗨，你真帅，你会和我上街吗？”噢，那就太棒了！
主持人：但那个……那个不太愉快的负面——就是被拒绝那一幕会是怎样呢？假如男方说不呢？
IK: 呃，瞧，我不认为说句“你会和我上街吗？”就总是意味着约对方出来。我觉得这更多是试探你愿不愿意与一位男士展开有趣的谈话，无论是在书店、网上、电影院，还是在咖啡店里。假如你展开了一场生动的谈话，被拒绝就不是那么重要了。我也觉得不要把交谈变得过于个人化，不要老是聊自己，也要注意当时的场合。
主持人：做一些调查。了解他的兴趣。
RT：没错！因为假如你走近一位男士——即使你在运动氛围很浓的酒吧——你对他说：“嗨，我对体育不感兴趣，但是你很帅。”你知道吗，那便是个好开始，一个开端了。你不想咄咄逼人。你想魅力四射，并且吸引他的视线，因为你便是一位令人难以置信的美丽动人的女性。
主持人：你说：“不要去……去团队组织的约会，要去一对一的单独约会。”
RT：哦，是的。因为你想了解这位男士。你不想困在……困在电影院里两个小时。还有，尤其是千万不要邀请他参加婚礼。对于第一次约会来说，那
太……太不合适了。（是的，那……那太糟糕了！）
IK: 但我……我还是觉得只要愿意和一位男士在某个地方展开有趣的谈话，把自己投入到交谈中（很重要）。
RT：即使是谈论一个索然无味的话题也可能奏效，不是吗？
IK: 不。我觉得你们女士应该总是尽可能地引人注目，尽可能地有趣，尽可能地令人着迷。
主持人：我们有一些“不要做”的注意点。
RT：我绝对认为女人本身就很迷人。
主持人：我们这儿还有些“不要做”的注意点——不要紧张；不要含糊不清；不要过分积极主动（是的。），这好像有点自相矛盾，因为你……你主动约会男士这本身就有点积极主动了。
RT：我认为你要展现的是吸引与诱惑力。因为主动出击是令人生畏的。曲棍球手才会那样做，足球员也是。那不是女人的表现。
主持人：最后一点是，不要灰心，你的意思是什么呢？
RT：嗯，我觉得如果你做了主动，但他不明白你的暗示，那就再出击；特别是如果他是那么地帅和讨人欢心。如果他一开始不理解，你也不用担心。
你敢不敢约别人出去？
No way! I am not a wuss at all. Whenever the chance arrives I’d grab it! She may not be the right date but if I don’t ask her out, the right date may pass me for good.
Yeah, I am afraid so. I feel like an idiot if the person whom I ask out on a date rejects me. I’d rather let the other side test the waters first.
Absolutely not. How could someone like me, who has been blown off so many times, be afraid of making the first move? In other words, good or bad, I am well prepared.
It depends. If I get a crush on someone and we click very well, I’ll definitely have the guts to ask for a date. Why not?
Well, the thing that irks me big time is I get nervous easily whenever I am about to ask her out. I guess I’m not afraid but just not ready all the time.
Yes and no. Yes is because I am afraid of being rejected; no is because I want to leave a hint to the guy that I am inclined to approach him.
Boy! That’s hard to say. I don’t want to spoil the friendliness between us if I take the first step. You know, I’d ask her out without a doubt if she appears to be interested.
Yeah. I couldn’t agree more. Basically, I don’t think I have enough money to show her a good time. I’m afraid our first date will fall short of her expectation.
Tips: wuss意思是“胆小鬼”。说话者认为机会来了就要去争取（grab it意为grab the chance），免得永远地（for good）错过合适的约会。
Tips: 不敢主动约会人最普遍的原因之一就是害怕被拒绝。I am afraid so.是个委婉的肯定回答。说话者还用了个比喻，就是被拒绝后感觉像个傻瓜（I feel like an idiot）。俚语test the waters意思是在投入一件事物之前先尝试一些事情，在这里指先让对方开口。
Tips: 看得出说话者因被多次抛弃（blow sb. off）已磨炼出坚强的心，不但敢于主动出击采取第一步（make the first move），还两手准备。无论结果是好是坏都勇于面对。
Tips: 俚语get/have a crush on sb.意思是“对某人产生好感、一时的迷恋”；click意思是“合得来，情投意合”。指“有胆量做某事”就可以用have the guts to do sth.来表示。
Tips: 原来最令说话者苦恼的（irk sb. big time）是他很容易紧张。be about to do sth. 意思是“将要做某事”。说话者认为不是自己害怕，只不过并非随时都有心理准备。
Tips: Yes and no.是对问题的一种两可回答，既肯定又否定，既是又不是，既好又不好。既然如此，其后就要紧跟两种原因了（Yes is because…; no is because….）。be inclined to意思是“倾向于……；想……”。
Tips: 当表示惊奇、颂扬或厌恶的时候，可以用Boy!这个感叹词来表达。说话者不希望由于采取了主动约会这一步（take the first step，与make the first move相近）而破坏了两人间友善的交往。词组without a doubt意思是“无疑地”。
Tips: I couldn’t agree more.=I totally agree.意思是“我完全同意”。说话者觉得自己没有足够的经济能力能让对方在第一次约会中享受到美好的时光，从而达不到（fall short of）对方的期望。