玎珰老师:请看下面一位同学写风的习作片段,读后说说写得怎么样,你有什么感受。我和罗鸿强走在上学的路上。风真大啊!路两旁的树木被刮得东摇西晃。路上骑自行车的,非常吃力。风不时地向我袭来,眼睛只得眯缝着,头发也被刮得乱糟糟的。“呀,一个小沙粒被大风吹进了我的眼睛里了!”我用手揉眼睛……豆豆:我觉得片段只是简单地叙说了自己在风中的见闻,描写不具体,细节不突出。丫丫:写得太简单了!风中能听到什么声音都没有写出来。 玎 珰 Teacher: Look at the writing style of a classmate below the fragment, after reading how to write, what do you feel. I walked with Luo Hongqiang on the way to school. The wind is really big! The trees on both sides of the road are shaken east and west. Biking on the road, very difficult. The wind hit me from time to time, my eyes narrowed and my hair was shattered. “Yeah, a small grit was blown into my eyes by a strong wind!” I rubbed my eyes with my hands ... Peas: I think the passage simply narrates my knowledge of the wind, The details are not prominent. Ya Ya: written too simple! The wind can hear what voice did not write out.