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“Next competitor—Li Jielin, from Hubei Province.” I knew my moment came.
I stepped onto the stage, dressed in pure white and tried all the best to display calm and confidence.
This was my last round of a nationwide recitation competition, but what came with me till the last was nothing but despair. I was feeling depressed because I just couldn’t get myself into the character again as I was just days before. I pondered and practiced, on and on, with my mother’s encouragement all around, still, I felt only awkward imitation.
All this came to a sudden halt as I was finally with my both feet on the stage, facing five judges who seemed to be strict and reserved.
The music started as planned, and lines began to flow out of my mouth, precisely but unconsciously. The first few paragraphs went on smoothly. Then, suddenly, I blurted out a line which should take place in the next section. Good Lord! How can I make such a mistake? Should I start it all over again, or should I assume nothing has happened? The air was freezing, my teeth were trembling, some audience were whispering and I was searching for the signals from the faces of the judges. Nothing did I find but shadows in dark and silence.
At this point, things could not be worsened. I told myself, why not just give myself a show time? Why not just let the rules go and be myself, be the poor girl? I’ve been preparing for this competition for long enough, I want to make it worthwhile!
I released all the emotion, and wiped out all the fears. I saw the poor girl again, tears rolling down freely down my face. I was the girl lying in bed crying for her departed little sister.
A thunder of applause woke me up from the heart-tearing fate of the girl. I found my mother waving her arms to me with a bunch of lilies and a big smile.
To my surprise, I won the first prize! I still couldn’t believe it even when the medal was hanging over my neck. But according to the comments from judges, I was “naturally and vividly representing the character, though there were minor mistakes.”
Now I understand that mistakes were not that scaring. They can be conversed to great powers which inspire us to explore the dreadful but beautiful wonderland. Challenges will never beat us but help us grow stronger.
【点评】
这是一篇优秀习作，全文脉络清晰，过渡自然，结构紧凑，行文流畅。细节描写以及心理活动表现得恰到好处，富有表现力和感染力。
文中使用的词汇极为丰富，运用得体。如：despair， awkward， reserved， worsen， worthwhile， release， naturally and vividly， represent，converse，went on smoothly， blurt out， wipe out等。不难看出，这位同学具有很好的语言基础知识和语言运用能力。
文中运用了较多的复杂的句子结构，使文章增色不少。文中长句和短句的灵活交替使用显示了作者扎实的语言功底。如：
... I blurted out a line which should take place in the next section ... （定语从句）
I found my mother waving her arms to me with a bunch of lilies ...
I stepped onto the stage, dressed in pure white and ... （非谓语动词结构）
with my mother’s encouragement all around… （with的复合结构）
... what came with me till the last was nothing but despair ... （名词性从句）
... I was naturally and vividly representing ..., though there were minor mistakes ... （状语从句）
Nothing did I find but shadows in dark and silence. （倒装句）
最后的结尾处Challenges will never beat us but help us grow stronger. 升华了全文的主题。
（点评教师：胡菊英）
I stepped onto the stage, dressed in pure white and tried all the best to display calm and confidence.
This was my last round of a nationwide recitation competition, but what came with me till the last was nothing but despair. I was feeling depressed because I just couldn’t get myself into the character again as I was just days before. I pondered and practiced, on and on, with my mother’s encouragement all around, still, I felt only awkward imitation.
All this came to a sudden halt as I was finally with my both feet on the stage, facing five judges who seemed to be strict and reserved.
The music started as planned, and lines began to flow out of my mouth, precisely but unconsciously. The first few paragraphs went on smoothly. Then, suddenly, I blurted out a line which should take place in the next section. Good Lord! How can I make such a mistake? Should I start it all over again, or should I assume nothing has happened? The air was freezing, my teeth were trembling, some audience were whispering and I was searching for the signals from the faces of the judges. Nothing did I find but shadows in dark and silence.
At this point, things could not be worsened. I told myself, why not just give myself a show time? Why not just let the rules go and be myself, be the poor girl? I’ve been preparing for this competition for long enough, I want to make it worthwhile!
I released all the emotion, and wiped out all the fears. I saw the poor girl again, tears rolling down freely down my face. I was the girl lying in bed crying for her departed little sister.
A thunder of applause woke me up from the heart-tearing fate of the girl. I found my mother waving her arms to me with a bunch of lilies and a big smile.
To my surprise, I won the first prize! I still couldn’t believe it even when the medal was hanging over my neck. But according to the comments from judges, I was “naturally and vividly representing the character, though there were minor mistakes.”
Now I understand that mistakes were not that scaring. They can be conversed to great powers which inspire us to explore the dreadful but beautiful wonderland. Challenges will never beat us but help us grow stronger.
【点评】
这是一篇优秀习作，全文脉络清晰，过渡自然，结构紧凑，行文流畅。细节描写以及心理活动表现得恰到好处，富有表现力和感染力。
文中使用的词汇极为丰富，运用得体。如：despair， awkward， reserved， worsen， worthwhile， release， naturally and vividly， represent，converse，went on smoothly， blurt out， wipe out等。不难看出，这位同学具有很好的语言基础知识和语言运用能力。
文中运用了较多的复杂的句子结构，使文章增色不少。文中长句和短句的灵活交替使用显示了作者扎实的语言功底。如：
... I blurted out a line which should take place in the next section ... （定语从句）
I found my mother waving her arms to me with a bunch of lilies ...
I stepped onto the stage, dressed in pure white and ... （非谓语动词结构）
with my mother’s encouragement all around… （with的复合结构）
... what came with me till the last was nothing but despair ... （名词性从句）
... I was naturally and vividly representing ..., though there were minor mistakes ... （状语从句）
Nothing did I find but shadows in dark and silence. （倒装句）
最后的结尾处Challenges will never beat us but help us grow stronger. 升华了全文的主题。
（点评教师：胡菊英）