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This past weekend my uncle Al bought Jack a toy Spiderman （hockey注1？） mask. While it was a bit too big for my son， it was still large enough to fit me.
So needless to say， I became Spiderman. But not the friendly neighborhood Spiderman who we all know and love.
No， instead， I was a creepy[恐怖的]， henchman[走狗]-style Spiderman who liked to slowly sneak up on[偷偷接近] my son from the other side of the room while he watched me lurk[潜伏] toward him the whole time.
Imagine being a 19-month-old toddler[学步的小孩] and seeing your dad wearing a Spiderman mask while saying your name through his teeth as he eventually grabs your leg and pretends to eat it.
Just for the record， Jack wasn’t terrified. He won’t need counseling[咨询] for this. （At least， I don’t think so...yet.）
I could tell it was a thrill for him. He did like it， though he definitely had to remind himself that it wasn’t actually a crossbreed[杂交品种] between Jason Voorhees and Spiderman.
Jack has always been a very mellow[成熟的] kid and sometimes I enjoy the challenge of finding new ways to get him to laugh through my idiotic[愚蠢的] behavior.
In case I’m managing to make myself seem psychologically[精神上的] unstable， allow me to make it worse by elaborating[详细说明].
It’s not just my own kid I like to scare， it’s all kids.
When I walk into Jack’s daycare注2， I become “Mr. Teeth” to Jack’s friends. It’s the character who has no lips but who just chatters[咯咯作响] his teeth and waves.
After a couple of months of meeting Mr. Teeth， some of Jack’s friends have finally started doing it back when I walk in now.
To my one-year-old niece， Calla， I am known as Uncle Possum注3. I make the most hideous[可怕的] face I can， and trust me， it’s unsightly[难看的]， and I get right in her face to see if I can get a reaction.
What I love is she just stares right back at me as if to say， “You’re no big deal. I’m not afraid of you.”
To toddlers and babies， I am the equivalent to[相当于] those monsters in the book Where The Wild Things Are注4. Friendly and harmless， yet still technically a monster.
Kids like to be surprised. So with my mildly scaring them， I help them test their limits and at the same time entertain them in a fresh new way.
So far， I have only made one kid cry because of my antics[滑稽动作]. And he cried for like 20 minutes…after I left the room and got out of sight.
It was bad.
上周末，阿尔叔叔给杰克买了一个蜘蛛侠（又或者是曲棍球？）玩具面具。这玩意儿对我儿子来说大了点，我戴却正合适。 于是不用说，我变成了蜘蛛侠——却并不是我们都认识爱戴的那个友好邻居版。
不，我是一个恐怖的走狗版蜘蛛侠，喜欢从房间的另一头缓缓地、鬼鬼祟祟地接近我儿子——而他在此过程中一直盯着我逐步逼近。
试想一下，假如你是个19个月大的宝宝，看着你爸爸戴着一个蜘蛛侠面具，从牙缝里挤出你的名字，最后还一把抓住你的脚作势要吃掉。
顺便说一下，杰克没有被吓到。他不会因为这个而要找心理咨询。（至少我认为不需要……目前而言。）
我能看出他觉得这玩法很刺激。他喜欢被惊吓，尽管他确实需要提醒自己这个并不真的是面具魔杰森与蜘蛛侠的杂交结晶。
杰克一直是个相当成熟稳重的孩子，有时候我喜欢挑战新花样，做些蠢事逗他发笑。
假如我现在的所作所为让我看起来像个神经病，请允许我继续往下说吧，更糟糕的还在后头呢。
我喜欢吓唬的不仅仅是自己的孩子——还包括所有的孩子。
当我走进杰克的日托中心，在杰克的小伙伴眼中，我就会变成“磨牙先生”。这个角色没有嘴唇，只会一边把牙齿磨得嘎吱作响，一边（向小孩）招手。
在遇见“磨牙先生”的几个月后，杰克的其中几个朋友在我走进来时也会对我还以颜色了。
对我一岁的外甥女卡拉来说，我就是她的“负鼠舅舅”。我尽可能地扮出最滑稽的鬼脸——相信我，那真是丑得不堪入目。我会一下子跳到她面前，看看她会不会吓一跳。
我忒喜欢的一点就是她只会直勾勾地盯着我，仿佛在说：“没什么大不了的，我不怕你。”
对半大的小孩和宝宝来说，我的存在就和《野兽家园》那书里的怪兽差不多：友善无害，但严格来说，依然是一头怪物。
小孩子喜欢被吓一跳。我这种温和的惊吓让他们测试自己的底线，同时也是一种全新的娱乐方式。
到目前为止，我的古怪举动只吓哭了一个孩子。他哭了将近20分钟……还是在我离开了房间以及他的视线范围之后。
那真是太糟糕了。
注1：指曲棍球面具头盔，与下文提到的“面具魔杰森”（Jason Voorhees）均出自美国著名系列恐怖电影《黑色星期五》（Friday The 13th，又译《13号星期五》），影片中杀人狂魔杰森一直戴着一个曲棍球面具头盔。
注2：日托，也叫半托，白天托管幼儿和老年人的服务中心。
注3：负鼠是一种有袋类动物，主要产自拉丁美洲。负鼠在即将被擒时，有一个“装死”绝招：立即躺倒在地，脸色突然变淡，张开嘴巴、伸出舌头，眼睛紧闭，将长尾巴一直卷在上下颌中间，肚皮鼓得老大，呼吸和心跳中止，身体不停地剧烈抖动，表情十分痛苦地作假死状。
注4：《野兽家园》是作家莫里斯·桑达克于1963年出版的儿童文学作品，2009年被改编为同名电影。
So needless to say， I became Spiderman. But not the friendly neighborhood Spiderman who we all know and love.
No， instead， I was a creepy[恐怖的]， henchman[走狗]-style Spiderman who liked to slowly sneak up on[偷偷接近] my son from the other side of the room while he watched me lurk[潜伏] toward him the whole time.
Imagine being a 19-month-old toddler[学步的小孩] and seeing your dad wearing a Spiderman mask while saying your name through his teeth as he eventually grabs your leg and pretends to eat it.
Just for the record， Jack wasn’t terrified. He won’t need counseling[咨询] for this. （At least， I don’t think so...yet.）
I could tell it was a thrill for him. He did like it， though he definitely had to remind himself that it wasn’t actually a crossbreed[杂交品种] between Jason Voorhees and Spiderman.
Jack has always been a very mellow[成熟的] kid and sometimes I enjoy the challenge of finding new ways to get him to laugh through my idiotic[愚蠢的] behavior.
In case I’m managing to make myself seem psychologically[精神上的] unstable， allow me to make it worse by elaborating[详细说明].
It’s not just my own kid I like to scare， it’s all kids.
When I walk into Jack’s daycare注2， I become “Mr. Teeth” to Jack’s friends. It’s the character who has no lips but who just chatters[咯咯作响] his teeth and waves.
After a couple of months of meeting Mr. Teeth， some of Jack’s friends have finally started doing it back when I walk in now.
To my one-year-old niece， Calla， I am known as Uncle Possum注3. I make the most hideous[可怕的] face I can， and trust me， it’s unsightly[难看的]， and I get right in her face to see if I can get a reaction.
What I love is she just stares right back at me as if to say， “You’re no big deal. I’m not afraid of you.”
To toddlers and babies， I am the equivalent to[相当于] those monsters in the book Where The Wild Things Are注4. Friendly and harmless， yet still technically a monster.
Kids like to be surprised. So with my mildly scaring them， I help them test their limits and at the same time entertain them in a fresh new way.
So far， I have only made one kid cry because of my antics[滑稽动作]. And he cried for like 20 minutes…after I left the room and got out of sight.
It was bad.
上周末，阿尔叔叔给杰克买了一个蜘蛛侠（又或者是曲棍球？）玩具面具。这玩意儿对我儿子来说大了点，我戴却正合适。 于是不用说，我变成了蜘蛛侠——却并不是我们都认识爱戴的那个友好邻居版。
不，我是一个恐怖的走狗版蜘蛛侠，喜欢从房间的另一头缓缓地、鬼鬼祟祟地接近我儿子——而他在此过程中一直盯着我逐步逼近。
试想一下，假如你是个19个月大的宝宝，看着你爸爸戴着一个蜘蛛侠面具，从牙缝里挤出你的名字，最后还一把抓住你的脚作势要吃掉。
顺便说一下，杰克没有被吓到。他不会因为这个而要找心理咨询。（至少我认为不需要……目前而言。）
我能看出他觉得这玩法很刺激。他喜欢被惊吓，尽管他确实需要提醒自己这个并不真的是面具魔杰森与蜘蛛侠的杂交结晶。
杰克一直是个相当成熟稳重的孩子，有时候我喜欢挑战新花样，做些蠢事逗他发笑。
假如我现在的所作所为让我看起来像个神经病，请允许我继续往下说吧，更糟糕的还在后头呢。
我喜欢吓唬的不仅仅是自己的孩子——还包括所有的孩子。
当我走进杰克的日托中心，在杰克的小伙伴眼中，我就会变成“磨牙先生”。这个角色没有嘴唇，只会一边把牙齿磨得嘎吱作响，一边（向小孩）招手。
在遇见“磨牙先生”的几个月后，杰克的其中几个朋友在我走进来时也会对我还以颜色了。
对我一岁的外甥女卡拉来说，我就是她的“负鼠舅舅”。我尽可能地扮出最滑稽的鬼脸——相信我，那真是丑得不堪入目。我会一下子跳到她面前，看看她会不会吓一跳。
我忒喜欢的一点就是她只会直勾勾地盯着我，仿佛在说：“没什么大不了的，我不怕你。”
对半大的小孩和宝宝来说，我的存在就和《野兽家园》那书里的怪兽差不多：友善无害，但严格来说，依然是一头怪物。
小孩子喜欢被吓一跳。我这种温和的惊吓让他们测试自己的底线，同时也是一种全新的娱乐方式。
到目前为止，我的古怪举动只吓哭了一个孩子。他哭了将近20分钟……还是在我离开了房间以及他的视线范围之后。
那真是太糟糕了。
注1：指曲棍球面具头盔，与下文提到的“面具魔杰森”（Jason Voorhees）均出自美国著名系列恐怖电影《黑色星期五》（Friday The 13th，又译《13号星期五》），影片中杀人狂魔杰森一直戴着一个曲棍球面具头盔。
注2：日托，也叫半托，白天托管幼儿和老年人的服务中心。
注3：负鼠是一种有袋类动物，主要产自拉丁美洲。负鼠在即将被擒时，有一个“装死”绝招：立即躺倒在地，脸色突然变淡，张开嘴巴、伸出舌头，眼睛紧闭，将长尾巴一直卷在上下颌中间，肚皮鼓得老大，呼吸和心跳中止，身体不停地剧烈抖动，表情十分痛苦地作假死状。
注4：《野兽家园》是作家莫里斯·桑达克于1963年出版的儿童文学作品，2009年被改编为同名电影。